Urgent advice on behaviour of 4 1/2 year old

[Racheyg]

Hi Mumsnet,

Could do with some great advice.

Ds1 is 4.5 and has started to back chat, started off at home but now it's at school more often than not. They do time out at school with no effect. At home we discipline take things away etc but doesn't last long. And he is back Charing again.

I'm at a lose, the school said we have to meet with them to discuss further. I have no idea why he has started this. Nothing has changed at home.

Can anyone give me some wise words. I dont want him to continue and get a name of trouble maker etc as when he is nice he is very nice.

Could you give some examples of how he back chats? How does he respond when you try and discipline him?

DD is 4 and does a good line in "Whatever", "fine, whatever to you" 🙄

It's not very often and I find it slightly amusing although I try not to show it.

We try and model appropriate behaviour at home, but we do joke around a fair bit and I'm concerned she may have picked this up a bit. Trying to be consistent in how we manage it has helped - so talking about how words can hurt people's feelings etc.

He shouts and gets angry. But doesn't improve his behaviour. At school he plays up after finishing his work, says everything is rubbish doesn't want to do it etc.

I think consistency is key. It's fine for him to express himself but not to be rude. With my 4yo I tend to pick my battles but wouldn't allow her to shout at me/be rude. I do realise however she now has her own personality and is more independent and with that comes more back chat. Can he use a chart to express his feelings better i.e happy face/sad/upset rather than shouting out & being disruptive in class? I'm sure the school will have their own strategies but it's good they want to work with you on this. 4 is a difficult age, send me back to the terrible 2's any time!