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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Ds doesnt mix well out on the street

21 replies

tullytwo · 30/04/2007 15:40

I am trying to encourage my eldest ds (nearly 10) to mix more with the other boys out on the street.

They have stopped coming into the trampoline in the back garden as they want to run about and kick footballs (understandably).

Ds never wants to go out though - he isnt a particularly boisterous boy and doesnt like football but he has no interest in going out and mixing with the boys.

One boy informed us that he wasnt allowed into our garden anymore and when I went to check with his dad that it wasnt because something had happened that I didnt know about - his dad said that they were just trying to get him out more and that he was hiding a bit in our garden and his house.

This whole thing has really upset me - sure it is pushing my buttons as always worry people dont like me!

I just dont know what to do with him and am dreading a whole summer of him sitting indoors.

As a kid I was out at the crack of dawn until tea time and just dont understand why he doesnt want to do the same.

Any advice please or people with sons that are the same so I know I'm not alone.

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Original poster

tullytwo · 30/04/2007 15:59

Please - this is really bothering me - how can I encourage him to go out and mix more. Please...

OP posts:

nailpolish · 30/04/2007 16:00

do they all have bikes?

all the children round here go out on their bikes

what about clubs?

sandyballs · 30/04/2007 16:01

I'd be inclined to just let him be. As long as he is happy, don't force him to go out and play. I remember going through a phase like this at roughly the same age but eventually came through it and got too sociable, never in!

bobsyouruncle · 30/04/2007 16:02

Is he in any clubs or does he have any interests you could encourage him to pursue? Maybe that way he could find some friends who are into the same stuff as him? Does he seem happy enough in himself?

SparklyGothKat · 30/04/2007 16:03

DS is nearly 9 and doesn't go out, kids knock buthe doesn't like to go out. I just let him do what he wants to do, it will all change when he is a teenager

SparklyGothKat · 30/04/2007 16:03

nearly 9?? He is 9!! lol

Original poster

tullytwo · 30/04/2007 16:07

He doesnt seem bothered by it at all but then when he is in other social situations (bday parties) he has no idea how to handle himself with kids he doesnt know - takes things personally etc.

He does have friends in school and we do playdates and he does a couple of after school clubs and swimming lessons too.
I suppose he is a bit 'geeky' - into comics, ps2 and absolutely loves reading - head permanently in a book.

Do you think it will change? Dp and I whilst sociable have very small group of friends and dont really go out or have people round.

He does have a bike but has to be literally forced to ride it - I despair sometimes - I just wish he was 'normal' - god forgive me but I do.

OP posts:

jenkel · 30/04/2007 16:13

I would just let him do what he wants to do, as long at there are kids that he could play with if he chooses then thats all you can do.

My DH was a bit of a loner when he was a child, his Mum said he never went out with friends etc, he now has a huge circle of friends.

To be honest I can see my DD (who is only 5) being a bit like that, she is a real homebody, she doesnt want to go to after school clubs she just wants to stay at home, yet she is really sociable and has a big circle of friends.

nailpolish · 30/04/2007 16:14

aw tully he sounds adorable

what about computer club? i bet he would love that

i remember being in a Game shop (ps2 etc) (dh is a geek ) and there was a wee boy about 11 with a list of games and a pencil he was ticking off. he was in a world of his own. he kept his pencil in his top pocket. he looked so happy, i remember thinking "if i ever have a wee boy i hope he is just like that"

saintmaybe · 30/04/2007 16:14

Why are you so worried about it? Does he have friends at school? Could one of them come back to play if he doesn't really 'get' that particular social group?

Try not to put your fears onto him; if he's not feeling very confident feeling that there's something wrong with him, or that you're disappointed in him isn't going to help.

My ds1 isn't a very footbally, outdoors kid either, and though it does drive me a bit mad on a sunny day, he's just that kind of person. He has a few close friends, and does things like dama club with them, or less 'laddy' stuff, and his confidence in bigger groups has been increasing.

Try not to worry, people are different!

saintmaybe · 30/04/2007 16:16

x post tullytwo [smjle]

paulaplumpbottom · 30/04/2007 16:16

You could always get him the latest outdoor toy to lure the kids back

MrsBadger · 30/04/2007 16:17

Just because you liked to play out doesn't mean he will - I hated it and was much happier with a book.

Is the library close enough that he can go by himself? Do they have fun things on in the summer?

SparklyGothKat · 30/04/2007 16:17

nailpolish that could eb my son you are talking about He is a bit geeky and loves computers, doesn't play out but will play in the garden for a short time. Its the way he is.

nailpolish · 30/04/2007 16:23

oh sparkly!

it was years ago but ive never forgotten that wee lad

SparklyGothKat · 30/04/2007 16:26

awww. DS is, atm, playing upstairs on some computer game, girls are outside in garden. I didn't really go out as a child, until I was a teenager, preferred reading mayself

SparklyGothKat · 30/04/2007 16:26

mayself???? = myself

canella · 30/04/2007 18:56

its amazing - there's always a thread on msnet just when you need it! my dd (nearly 6) has stopped wanting to play out with the other 3 girls in our cul-de-sac - the others have been playing together a lot over the winter (she was quite happy to stay inside)and once this nice weather started she went out to play with them - she says they were mean and wouldnt let her join in but now she wont go out at all. i can understand they were used to playing as a threesome but would have thought they were too young to deliberately exclude her. dont know how to make the situation better - she's quite a sensitive bookworm kind of girl whereas the others are really boisterous. should i go out in the street with my toddler son and dd and see if i can get them all to play or should i just let her stay in?
sorry for the long post and hijack!

Original poster

tullytwo · 30/04/2007 19:50

I honestly dont know why I am so worried about it - good question saintmaybe. I do acknowledge that it is probably to do with the fact that I dont feel socially confident - although from the outside you couldnt tell.

So the consensus seems to be to just accept him and not push it - he genuinely is happy not going out but I feel its not good to be sitting in on a sunny day - god I am turning into my father!

I will try to back off from this because I know yo are right I will end up denting his confidence even more.

OP posts:

Aloha · 30/04/2007 19:54

Let him be! He is not you. Don't let your insecurities put you in conflict with your son. What's so great about hanging around the street anyway? There are so many people who'd give their right arm for a little boy who loved to read. Reading is wonderful. Books are fantastic. Much better than hanging about outside. Sun gives you skin cancer anyway!
Seriously, this is more about you than him. He's happy.

1sue1 · 01/05/2007 10:27

canella, i too live in a cul de sac. My advice is leave them to sort it out...girls are really bitchy, if you have a word, they'll fall out again over something else and you'll always be out there.
unless it was physical hurting, leave them to it.

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