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What can your three year olds do for themselves? What do you still have to do for them?

15 replies

emkana · 29/07/2004 09:16

Hi all,
just wondering about my dd1's independence - or lack of it. I still do everything for her really - she can put trousers and socks on, and shoes if they have velcro, but otherwise I help her get dressed, and the same goes for undressing. She never helps herself to food - all provided by me or dh. I put her onto the toilet as she worries about not sitting back far enough and accidentally peeing onto her trousers. I help her wash her hands, dh cleans her teeth at night. And so on... Am I keeping her too "little"? What should they be able to do by themselves? Three is the age at which German children start Kindergarten. It's a big thing there that children should be "independent", and the staff in Kindergarten have a fit if you have a child who can't dress themselves yet, or go to the toilet completely on their own. Glad dd1 doesn't have to go there... What happens when they start school? Anyway, am rambling now... interested in your experiences!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Twiglett · 29/07/2004 09:44

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marialuisa · 29/07/2004 09:53

DD is 3y4m.

She can go to the loo by herself.

Dressing herself depends on the clothes I've put out TBH. so, she can do shorts and T-shirt, larger buttons (size of 5p and bigger) but can't put a zipper together and do small buttons (e.g. school shirt size). She's able to do velcro or Doodles-type shoe fasteners, but can't get buckles tight enough IYSWIM.

She's not allowed to "help herself" to food and drink, but can undo packets, pour drinks etc.

She brushes her teeth and then we do them again. Same with hair brushing (but her hair is long so i've got years of plaits and ponytails ahead of me!)

sandyballs · 29/07/2004 10:18

They all vary so much emkana that I wouldn't worry too much, it does really depend on their nature. My girls are twins and are 3.5 and one of them is very "independent" - washes herself, dresses herself, puts shoes on, loves to help herself to food, putting things in bowls etc, goes to the loo on her own, gets cross when we try to help her .... but her sister is the complete opposite, wants help with most things.

hana · 29/07/2004 10:24

my dd will be 3 in September

-she goes to loo by self, but sometimes I still need to wipe for poos
-she can put pants, trousers, skirts, socks on - tshirts are harder - she's just managing to get them off but not on
-buttons ok if they're a decent size
-doodles ok (wrong feet of course and buckles v loose!)
-won't let me feed her
-I brush her teeth though she insists on doing it herself
-I help her wash her hands and face

depends on her mood as well, she's sometimes more 'babyish' and wants everything done for her too

With the peeing - dd sits at the very back of the seat and spreads her legs - we had lots of pee in jeans too. Now she usually takes everything off to go! When we have friends over she asks them if they need help when they go to the loo - and then says 'don't forget to open your legs wide!'

your dd sounds like most 3 year olds I know

Angeliz · 29/07/2004 10:37

dd is 3and a half and she can
:mainly dress herself

:put on shoes (sometimes wrong feet)

:go to the loo but needs help on no2's!

:we 'share' brushing teeth but i always do them at night

:she doesn't really help herself to food but will get apple juice from the fridge, she likes to help me in the kitchen though.

Reading this, i don't think my dd can do buttons yet! Will have to watch that one. I think they are all so different it's impossible to compare!!

Angeliz · 29/07/2004 10:39

p.s, i don't think you're keeping her too little, i think they grow up so quickly that before you know it, you'll wonder how she suddenly got so independant!!

marialuisa · 29/07/2004 10:54

Should add, I know DD can do all these things but I still tend to dress her etc out of habit. But my mum dressed me until I was 7! I've never thought of it as "babying her", more making sure we get out of the house on time

Bozza · 29/07/2004 22:10

DS is 3.6.

He can dress himself - been doing t-shirts for ages, has now got the hand of pants/shorts although sometimes takes a couple of attempts to get it right. Can also put velcro sandals on, although not reliably on right feet. Just getting to grips with socks.

Can do loo apart from wiping bottom. OK washing hands etc. He cleans his teeth and then I go over them.

Doesn't help himself to food - never been encouraged to do so.

Blu · 29/07/2004 22:30

DS (just 3) is clearly hopeless!
He can put on pants, but won't a doesn't see any benefit in wearing clothes. Can't do buttons etc
Could go to toilet but likes me to hold his hand in case he falls in
Doesn't even bother to feed himself half the time - prefers me to feed him.
He did try to make an omlette by himself a few weeks ago, he can actually break eggs reasonably well.

gettingthere · 29/07/2004 22:52

My littlest is 5. She can do a lot of things by herself but likes me to help her. And i do like to! She is at school but I nearly always help her get dressed, always clean her teeth, often feed her etc etc. I think, to be honest, she and I collude a lot because she's the youngest of 3, the last child I will have and we both enjoy it!! i figure she has lots of years to do it on her own and to be independent. We have so little time to enjoy her being so small. My eyes have watered - sorry!!

motherinferior · 30/07/2004 13:36

DD1 can dress herself (her clothes are pretty uncomplicated) with the odd pants confusion (better than her dad, though, who moaned to me once that her knickers were far too tight - at which point I realised he'd assumed the label at the side meant he should put her waist through a leg-hole - DD1 is hardly roly-poly but hardly surprisingly she was VERY stuffed into them!). Claims she can wipe own bum. Does take herself to loo. Happy to try and reach for biscuits, and feeds herself.

Shoes regularly go on the wrong feet!

suzywong · 30/07/2004 13:45

MIne can dress and undress himself.
I had no idea, I was routinesly doing the whole shebang for him untl I spied on him saw him do it himself.
Now it's just a question of whether or not I can bear waiting for him to do itin his time before we go out each day.

JanZ · 30/07/2004 13:55

Ds (3.10) can undress himself (although sometimes has difficulty with t-shirts, as he has a big head) and put on his pjs.

He CAN dress himslef, but will whinge about it. he needs help with his socks (GAP socks that don't come off - but are quite tight to put on) and his shoes (he has a high instep, so again, they can be a struggle to put on), but he can put his sandles (velcro) or Wellingtons on himslef (not always on the right feed).

I've never tried him with buttons - he rarely wears a shirt and all his trousers, even if they have a button/zip can be pulled up over his sake hips.

He can undo a zip on his jacket, but not start it.

He goes to the loo/potty himslef (he chooses for himself) and will put the wee down the loo himslef (AND sometimes rinses the potty), but doens't often flus unless reminded. He needs help after a poo (he'll shout for the help) with the wiping - although sometimes he will try to do it himslef, run through to the bedroom to check if he is clean and then run through to "show" us that he is clean

He eats for himself - did so from an early age: uses a spoon for his cornflakes and yoghurts, but prrefers his fingers when eating anything himslef (although can be encouraged to use a fork).

He will get his own yoghurts out the fridge/biscuits out the cupboard - but will ask before eating them. (Brought a bar of chocoalte into our bed this morning - and was disappointed when I said NO!)

He can brush his teeth pretty well, although we always supervise and then do a wee bit extra at the end.

He puts his own videos in on the mornings at the weekend, but again askes before doing so. He's not quite got the hang of changing over the SCART socket so that the DVD will work - but he's working on that! But he can change the DVDs over and is good about getting them in and out of their cases.

But most of all, he is good at GOING TO SLEEP ON HIS OWN!!!! For that we have been blessed!

Metrobaby · 30/07/2004 14:41

dd is 3.10 She can undress and dress herself but always whinges everyday that she can't do it. She prefers it if it is done for her - but we don't unless I'm in a hurry. She can't start off zips and I don't think she can do buttons. She can do her own shoes but not always on the right foot!

She can take herself to the toilet and clean herself although when she is at home I prefer to clean her after a no.2

She cleans her teeth by herself but I also do it again afterwards too.

Food - she can feed herself althoough given the chance she would prefer to use her fingers. She doesn't help herself to food however but I like it this way as I can make sure she doesn't overload on snacks.

JanZ · 30/07/2004 14:56

I forgot to say that ds runs through to check in the bedroom full length MIRROR to see if his bum is clean . Shows he is developing his own problem solving techniques as he's defnitiely NOT copied that from anyone!

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