School Exclusion - Year 1

[RocketQueen79]

Last week, my child was excluded (suspended) from school for climbing on a table and then biting a teacher that tried to remove her from the table. I do not condone this behaviour in any way.

My daughter is 5 years old, an August baby, the youngest in her year. She's extremely tall and strong, very clever but emotionally quite immature.

At home, she doesn't display any of the aggression we have been told she displays at school so I am at a bit of a loss as to how I can help her. I'm worried sick that this is going to continue and she will be permanently excluded.

How does an exclusion go against a child in future? What happens if you appeal?

When we met with her teacher, she said the exact words "she's not that bad" in a very reassuring way which then made me wonder why they felt the need to take such extreme action.

It might be playground tittle tattle (I work full-time, so rarely see the other parents) but I've been told that there are other kids that have bitten classmates and not been excluded. Would you bring that up with the school?

I read on the Govt website that school are not meant to ask you to collect your child immediately (which they did with me) and that they're supposed to send work home with the child (which they didn't).

Am I stupid/deluded to think I should appeal the decision? I'm not sure even on what grounds I would appeal? I've never been a "mommy's little angel" type of parent but the child they describe is so far removed from the loving, funny kid I see at home.

I suppose this is part rant/part reassurance/advice-seeking and I fully suspect someone will shoot me down, but bear in mind my current fragility.

Also, has anyone else been through similar? Did it change anything? How are your kids getting on now?

Hi Rocketqueen,

First of all you must be so upset and worried. Keep in mind that the school can't just let it go if a child hurts a teacher, it can be a shock to the other kids and disrupt the whole class, and an exclusion can give everyone time to calm down.

School is very different from home so whatever is stressing your DD and triggering her aggression just may not be a problem at home. School could be too busy, too demanding, too noisy - it's hard to say. If your DD carries on having problems then she will need help and you might want to talk to the SENCO. The school may suggest she gets some assessments to see if there's an underlying issue, and the best thing to do is probably to back up what the school suggests. Oh, and do give the poor teacher some flowers, and get your DD to apologise etc if that's at all possible.

Exclusions don't count against a child in the long term. If her problems do continue this year then the fact that she has needed a formal exclusion may help to make the case to get her some extra help. It is good that the teacher wants to reassure you and let you know that she thinks well of your DD, but on the other hand don't minimise the issue yourself. Ignore playground tittle-tattle, the school may not exclude every child who bites but a lot depends on circumstances and biting an adult is a rather different situation so I would not bring up other cases with the school. Whatever the rules may say it's fairly common to ask parents to take a young child home asap and not to send work home if it's just a few days (which I assume it is?) Opinions may vary but I don't think challenging the exclusion will really do anything to help your DD.

My own DS had some aggressive outbursts when he started school and later which turned out to be due to undiagnosed SN. The head teacher laid it on the line that we had to get assessments done or they couldn't keep him. We did, he got diagnosed and the school got good support for him and although he did have some more outbursts during primary school he is now a happy and successful (and well behaved!) student at university.

Anyway whatever you decide I hope things go well for you and school gets better for your DD.