4 yo DD cries all the time. Makes me soooo angry 😭

[NotSoSureX]

Need to rant but also need advise.
DD has just turned 4. Can be very happy very outgoing little girl. Has been praised by school and other parents for character and behaviour on so many occasions.

HOWEVER, she cries all the time

1. First thing in the morning when she wakes up. Had a good night sleep. Not sick. She cries.
2. Breakfast on the table. She cries
3. Getting her ready for school. I don't want to go to school. She cries (she loves school and is very happy when picked up).
4. Diner time. Not a fussy eater but won't eat without a good cry. Takes me up to 2h to get her to eat. When we decided that we won't "waste" that much time, she lost so much weight and had dark circles under her eyes. So no, won't be doing that again.
5. Starting a new activity. She cries and cries and cries.
6. Bed time, bath time ... Always cries 😭

I am now so angry with her behaviour. I can't express all the anger towards her so I am edgy with DH, feel anxious and angry all day long. I hate mornings (even more now)
We never get to enjoy a nice family breakfast or any meal for that matter.

And then, out of the blue, she is happy again. Giving kisses and hugs. Singing.

She has always been like this. But I can't take it anymore.

Is this normal 4yo girl behaviour? Is there anything we can do to improve this.

Well, I would say it's a stage, but you say she's always been like this. I do think some children are more emotionally wired than others.

I can only imagine just how damn draining it is though. I have 4 (youngest is a toddler) and all of the older ones have been through a crying-at-everything stage. I wanted to scream. Have some

Can you give her some coping tools? Check nothing is wrong, then say cheerfully, "Oh darling, what a lot of noise. I understand you're feeling X, but that isn't a nice noise, go to room/chill spot/mat until you can calm down".

We had a "calm down corner", but a little nook in a corner of the hallway with some bean bangs, blankets and a basket of books and fiddly toys. It wasn't a punishment, but a chance to have their cry and come back refreshed. Worked well as we used room/step for timeout, so the calm down corner was always a "safe spot". Siblings weren't allowed to disturb whilst they were there either, nor mummy and daddy. If/when they wanted to chat, they could come out. We also had some laminated smilies, so they could show up their mood - happy, sad, angry, silly, bored, hungry, tired... etc.

Thank you for your reply. Very helpful. We used to have crying corner when she was younger but that sounded like a punishment more than a chance to cool down. So we stopped it.

I am going to revisit the concept as you suggested. I also like the laminated mood/feeling card. Could work both ways actually. As in we show her how we feel when she cries.

Glad to be of help!

I personally find the trick is to phrase it positively:
Oh dear, you seem a little upset. Would you like to chill out for a moment in the calm down corner? Do you need a quiet moment to calm down?

In our house, the distinction is quite clear, because there is no request in: "get to your room right now and don't come out until you can behave!"

Calm down corner they can regulate themselves when they come and go.

My son is 3.8 years old so 4 soon and has recently started to behave like your daughter. He cries and moans all the time. Morning time, at every meal time, it takes me half an hour to convince him to sit and eat, bath time (he cries/moans when his hair is washed, dried, brushed), he cries when we go to nursery.
He has a little baby sister who now is turning 1 and he doesn't let me feed her (I breastfeed her), change her nappy and so on. He tells me 'don't feed her, you cannot feed her, you must play with me' and if I stop playing with him and go to feed her, he cries badly! He has never done that before and he always adored his little sister. I'm very, very tired of this situation.
I feel for you OP. Sorry I can't offer any solution to you but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.