3.5year old being unkind to childminder

[user1496059477]

Any advice would be greatly welcome.

I've had a lady coming in to look after my son for about 2.5hrs 3/4 afternoons a week since he was about 6months old. She is v kind, local and most of all reliable, as for the hours I require it isn't easy to find someone. However for the last month or so for no apparent reason my son has turned against her, and is quite unpleasant to her when she arrives telling her to Go Away and I Don't Like You, most recently hitting her (albeit not v hard) and trying to stamp on her foot. He also makes unkind comments about a mole on her face. I'm not an overly strict parent (but can be firm when i have to be) but I do tell him very sternly that it's not nice to talk like that and that she's a good lady and has done nothing wrong. He's always been surrounded by people who've been kind to him so it's paining me to witness him being quite mean although know i should cut him some slack due to his age. I've tried to get to the bottom of his behaviour and all he's said was that she wouldn't let him ride his scooter which I think was a one off occurrence because he was going dangerously fast and she since has. I've not tried punishing him as such as don't normally go down that route. There's a chance he might have outgrown her as she doesn't always stretch him/ play with him as much as she could and can sometimes be a bit distracted on her phone although is usually quite attentive. However am v reluctant to find someone else as she would be hard to replace esp as she has a car which she takes him out in which has been a godsend and not sure if that's the reason for his animosity anyway.

Any suggestions on how I should deal with his behaviour would be most welcome. Fortunately the childminder is quite thick skinned and largely takes it just saying I should ignore him although it must get to her sometimes.

Thanks for reading!

Does he do those things just when you're there or is he saying them when they're on their own too?

If it's when they're on their own, I suggest you talk about a strategy how you would like her to deal with it-pack up and go straight home if they're out for example.

If it's just when you're there then it may be a reaction to being uncertain who's in charge, wanting to have you to himself, or in a funny child way "punishing" you for leaving him.
Ignoring it may be the way to go for at least some of the time in which case.

When I nannied one child was good as gold when I had her on her own, but if we were both there she would do everything she knew she wasn't allowed to do one after another. She grew out of it though.

Thanks for your response Witchend. Seems my son is a little better with the childminder when on his own but still probably a bit luke warm. His reaction does seem to be specific to her as I've had to have some morning help recently with a couple of other ladies and he's absolutely fine with them. I take what you say about ignoring his behaviour as reacting might be fuelling him further but the way he talks to her I'm finding quite unacceptable so would find that hard as am not sure whether I could hold myself back!

Any other words of wisdom much appreciated.