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6 year old with anxiety at school

3 replies

KnittingTwit · 23/01/2018 18:21

First time poster here, so apologies for the long thread and I hope it makes sense 😊! My 6 year old DS took until year 2 to settle into school. He cried every day in reception and for the first 6 months in year one. He’s never really been comfortable around other children and would run away from them when he was really small! He’s always been a worrier and gets really upset when he has to do anything new - swimming lessons / school trips / school plays etc. He’s finally settled in and has been playing with 2 little boys. He’s a very bright little boy and his teacher describes him as kind, sensible and reserved. In September he was coming home upset saying that his friends were running away from him when he asked them to play and he had no one to play with. I told him to play with other children and his teacher said he’d keep an eye on him. Then over Christmas he started having real trouble sleeping and it was (and still is) taking up to 2 hours to get him to go to sleep, he’s getting so anxious that we’re having to lie with him until he’s asleep. Then he started to get sent home from school with tummy aches which the dr (and us) thought were anxiety related. Since he’s been back this year he’s saying that he’s been having lots of ‘quizzes’ (sats practice) at school and that he’s rubbish because he can’t finish them, then we manage to get out of him that his ‘friend’ is saying that he his better and cleverer than him and knows more! On Friday we get a phone call from the school asking us to pick him up as he can’t eat his lunch as he has a lump in his throat. He had the day off yesterday and I took him to the Dr who had a long chat with him and again said it’s anxiety related. She suggested a meeting with the school nurse, so we’re now waiting for an appointment. Today he came home starving as he said he couldn’t/wouldn’t eat lunch again due to his lump (which isn’t there) and he had to stay in at lunchtime (we think it’s because he has no one to play with). I really don’t know what to do to help him? It’s awful that a 6 year old can be put under so much pressure at school.

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 23/01/2018 21:25

It's really common to have a tightness in your throat when you're anxious that feels like a lump. It's also really common to be unable to eat - that's part of the fight or flight response as our bodies don't want to be loaded up with food if we might need to run for our lives.

Your little boy is clearly suffering from very significant anxiety triggered by being in school. It sounds like he could be struggling with any number of things including the busy sensory environment, social difficulties, changes to routine and concentration. These need to be properly identified and acknowledged by school and adjustments made to help him feel safer and under less pressure.

Have you ever considered whether he is on the autism spectrum? If this is a possibility, it would be a good idea to ask the GP to refer him for a neurodevelopmental assessment. Autism could explain why he is finding things so difficult in school and feeling so stressed that he can't eat or sleep.

It isn't OK for professionals to say that a child is experiencing such significant issues as a result of anxiety without trying to find out the reason they are anxious and making changes to reduce them.

My DD2 has Asperger's and, when she was 7, (pre-diagnosis) I asked her to design her perfect, magic wand school. She designed a school with one teacher, no other pupils, animals to cuddle, her own bedroom where she could go for a rest, no food and no smells. That gave us lots of clues to what she was struggling with and some adjustments were made to help her on the back of it.

I hope that's helpful. Happy to share more info by PM if you would like.

Whisperingwinds · 24/01/2018 22:02

Watching with my nterest as my 6 year DD is undergoing similar anxiety. I am meeting the GP next week and hoping she can help

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 25/01/2018 06:21

I had the same lump in my throat as a child due to an arse of a teacher and me being bad at maths.

I would suggest taking him out of school and home educating him to be frank.

Anxiety can be terribly hard to get a handle on if it's not dealt with quickly.

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