BIL's rude child!

[giadak]

Hi all. I have a dilemma here and unsure how to feel/what to do. Granted, it’s not the worst thing in the world, but an ongoing debate I’ve been having with my partner.

My partner’s brother has a child. Seemed like a nice enough kid. Or so I was told prior to when we both visited him. (Partner had been to visit prior as I was out of town).

At around 2 years old (I’ll find out exact age) we both visited him. I took lots of toys/books etc... and was excited to meet him. I’ve always clicked with kids. I’m the person that you’ll find at a party entertaining the kids or the pets! :)

He was perfectly fine with his parents - as was to be expected. Perfectly fine with my partner (who he wouldn’t have remembered from the first visit...) but was an utter s**t to me. I know kids are just kids - but when I tried to engage with him via toys, chats etc.. he would just ignore me and sit there with a sour face. The times we did ‘converse’ were with regard to his toys - and even then he kept screaming ‘hey, that’s mine!!!’ Fair enough. Even the toys, that I had purchased for him, he would grab them and when he couldn’t open them (because of the packaging), I would help and he’d again shout ‘hey, that’s mine!!!!!’. To be honest, it was (slightly) funny at first - but it got annoying fast - and this went on all day. The parents were there the entire time and just laughed EVERY TIME. No attempt to discipline him.

Even when I sat on the couch in their house (as everyone else did) he would kick off.

Anyway, without harping on - it got worse and worse and he would tell me to ‘STOP ITTTTTTT’ any time I did something he didn’t like - such as moving. Yes, really.

My partner never once said anything, nor did his brother and his wife and to be honest, they didn’t even say thank you for the gifts I had purchased.

I don’t know why I’m ‘annoyed’ as I am. Yes, kids are kids - they can be rude and bratty - but when I raised it with my partner (after we’d left), he accused me of slagging off his brother’s family - which was another can of worms in itself.

Sighhhhh

Do I just avoid seeing them again?! What do I do. Please advise as I’m genuinely curious and lost.

2-3 year olds have reputations of being unreasonable. (In parenting terms, it's known as Terrible Twos/Threenager) Most of them turn out as lovely kids. There's a famous toddler/pre-schooler meme "What's yours is mine. What's mine is mine."

With regards to discipline, I understand why your partner was too self-conscious not to tell him off. Many parents on here won't tell of other people's children so I'm not surprised to hear that a non-parent might not.

I think you were reasonable to expect the parents to rescue when their child was being annoying.

Out of interest, why did you take lots of gifts with you? I can't help but wonder if it explains why the parents didn't intervene?

He's only two I don't think you can really call him rude and bratty.... Toddlers don't have great social skills yet.
It sounds as if you have this image of yourself as the person "all" kids love and it's perhaps made you try a bit too hard.
Toddlers are like cats, they prefer people who have no interest in them.
Next time you go I'd suggest being very low key, sit and chat quietly to the other adults and don't try to engage the child.... Let him come to you, he'll feel safer that way.

Hi. Thanks for your replies! It’s definitely appreciated.

That’s pretty much what I thought too. As I said above, only so much you can ‘expect’ from a 2-3 year old - which is fair enough. Kids are kids at the end of the day.

I think what bothered me was that the parents didn’t step in at all. This is why I mentioned it to my partner on the way back - which didn’t go down well either. (The child's father is his brother).

The parents are ‘creatives’ shall I say. Their ‘freestyle’ parenting was just strange to see - maybe because I’d never seen anything like it. With that said, it comes across as they are oblivious (by choice) to how their child treats people.

The reason I took a lot of presents was because I thought it was nice in itself, but also because I'd missed his actual birthday (as I was out of town) - so they were belated gifts also. One of the gifts was a fire truck. It had a button on top of it which would make a siren noise once pushed. The child didn't realise this button could be pushed so when I pointed it out and pushed it - he screamed at me to 'NOT TOUCH IT!!!' whilst the parents laughed thinking it was cute.

Needless to say, I backed off - as a poster above also said . My partner was there as were both parents - so hardly a lack of witnesses. I know I'm being sensitive and precious - but it just made me more annoyed at the parents. I'd even started wondering I'd ever done something to upset him - or his parents!

I've since found out that he hasn't changed. Over Christmas it was all much the same, but this time it was random tantrums. He did a puzzle and was almost finished and then randomly started crying and screaming as he 'couldn't do it'. He didn't want to eat what was served at dinner so threw a strop then too.

I know it's tough when it's other people's children - and I wouldn't ever say anything (hence wondering if I'd ever offended them in some way...?) but it really makes me look at them differently and not want to spend time with them.

It's a common complaint.
Couple A are friends with Couple B but have different parenting styles. Couple A's child is no angel but the parents have rules like no hitting. They deal with problems the best that they can when they happen. Couple B doesn't even react to their child misbehaving and don't understand why the two families are hanging out less and why their child hasn't got friends. Couple A feels too awkward to admit that Child A doesn't like Child B and they fear the bad behaviour rubbing off on them. What should they do?

In that case, it's up to the parents to discipline their child and for them to change it'll probably take someone like nursery/school to alert the parents to the need for their child to have structure and consequences. In the mean time the adults should hang out without kids which may not be often but that's life with kids.