3 year olds bad behaviour

[scorpio93]

My 3 year old son is a challenge.
He gets into trouble at Nursery to the point I have to collect him early.
He has a behavioural HV assess him in target setting (Nursery) 3 times. He's had 2 assessments already and another before he starts school.
She hasn't said much, but over the past week his behaviour has got worse. Even at home now he is naughty! I've done everything that's been suggested by the HV and by my own research but he just does not take me seriously! Even removing toys doesn't work, he doesn't give a monkeys!

Anyone have any advice? I'm at the end of my teacher, it sometimes reduces me to tears, I'm exhausted!

Just to add: when I say he's naughty, I mean he is incredibly rude, says horrid things, smashes things, hits me, pulls my hair, kicks me, massive temper tantrums.
At Nursery he pulls hair, pushes and throws toys.

All of his outbursts occur out of the blue, they're very spontaneous without a cause (it seems).

He just seems very angry sometimes (there are no changes in his home life or Nursery - I can't put my finger on it).

His bad behaviour at Nursery has been going on for a year, I've been to numerous meetings about it.

Sometimes he is absolutely lovely, kind and caring and you wouldn't even imagine he has a temper on him!

THat must be difficult. Is it your HV that has assessed him? Has she suggested getting his hearing and eyes tested? If not, I’d get both of those done.

How is his speech?

When you say he doesn’t take you seriously, are you being firm and consistent? If you want a good book with some easy strategies try the No Cry Discipline Solution HTH

Cross posted with you there. What do you do when he’s violent?

Thanks for responding!

It's his HV who requested the behavioural HV assesses him - it was all arranged through his Nursery key worker, I just had to give my consent. I've never even met either HV's before.

I've requested getting his hearing tested and she noticed last week (his second assessment) that he has a squint in his eye so is also arranging him an eye test. Just awaiting for the appts. Do you think these two things could have an impact? I've never looked at it that way to be honest, but it would explain the frustration!

When he's violent I take him to his "feelings chair", basically a plastic chair and I sit him on it for 3 mins and explain why he's on it. After the 3 mins I ask him what he did wrong, why he did it, how did it make me feel and how did it make him feel. He has a little white board by his chair and I draw a head with eyes and a nose and he draws he mouth of how we both feel (happy smile, sad, shocked etc). Then he says sorry, cuddles and goes on about his day! After the feelings chair he rarely usually has another violent episode, occasionally throws things and such though.
I don't think gentle parenting is working, he just doesn't seem to listen to me! And when I rarely lose my temper and shout, that doesn't phase him either! He just doesn't care (or so it seems sometimes) x

Like right this second he is sitting next to me stroking my head because I told him I have a headache! You wouldn't even think he has a bad streak at all when he's like this!

Sorry to keep posting! Thanks for the book recommendation! I'll try anything - just ordered it x

I’ve not heard of a feeling chair before, that does seem like quite a bit of attention for misbehaving. Please don’t say he has a bad streak, he’s )User a little boy. I know it much be tough, I just hate children being labelled negatively

Yes, hearing and eyesight can affect behaviour, I’d chase up those appointments.

How’s his speech?

The feelings chair is the same as what they do at his Nursery, so I'm being consistent with them and they are with me.

I'm literally using this forum for advise and to vent my feelings and frustrations. Didn't mean to offend you...
Obviously I'd never use negative language to him, I'm just trying to express how shocking it is when he misbehaves the way he does.

We are getting his appts through on Monday apparently, so I'll wait and see what happens then I guess

His speech is incredible. His speech and language is that of a 5 year old according to the HV

Also, the Nursery practitioners and I have noticed that he he's frustrated when he is trying to communicate with another child who maybe isn't as advanced as he is. And obviously my son doesn't understand why they aren't answering him or something. That must be frustrating too (not mocking the other children or boasting about mine btw).

It’s good that the appointments are next week and that you are being consistent with the Nursery. Didn’t mean to criticise in my last comment, I’m sure it’s very hard work it’s just that my Mum cast me as the naughty one for a long time, she couldn’t have misunderstood me more if she’d actually tried so it hpjust upsets me a bit. My problem really, not yours

It’s good that his speech is good. Has the HV said what will happen after the appointments?

The appts aren't next week, but we find it when they are next week. I've been requesting him a hearing test for months now so I'm glad they're finally knuckling down and listening to me!

Oh I'm sorry, I get very an*l when I feel like I'm being criticised (insecurities lol).

No they haven't said anything, I think they're mainly trying to see if he will need extra help when he starts school in Sept? I'm not entirely sure, not a lot has been explained to me to be honest. I'll ask to see his file, I think

If you are unsure about what’s happening, I’d ask to speak to his Key Worker and Nursery Manager. They’ll be able to explain what the assessments are about and what the plans are for school

I will do that, thank you for listening and for your help