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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Worried about dd1's behaviour!

21 replies

Beauregard · 26/04/2007 22:26

She is 5
She started school last september,if you ask her she will reply"I hate school,Boring",this opinion never changes,yet she will always go through the gates without a problem.She used to love going to pre-school.
She just doesn't seem to have an understanding of letters and writing( although can say alphabet) yet is quite good with numbers.She can't read anything other than mom or dad but i think that she just recognises these words rather than knows them.She used to write her name really well although in capital letters,now she gets the letters mixed up and some are capital and some not.
She is mostly badly behaved yet when she is good she really is an angel(the last time was over the xmas hols) but it isn't very often ,or so it seems at the moment.She doesn't listen to us a lot of the time,she is on the go constantly .She develops little ,what i can only describe as ' verbal habits',she will go through phases with these for example on a regular basis...."mommy i think i have done X or hurt x but i don't know i'm not sure ,i forgot"or "mommy i just touched the bottom of my shoe " or other object etc.
When asked anything about school she will reply"dunno i forgot".
She doesn't seem to stick to one game or whatever for long.
She wont play in the garden on her own ,she is constantly asking "watch me "
On each occasion she has had a'friend' from school to play and for tea,she has 'kicked off' as all games must be hers.She is very controlling in this respect and because of this she doesn't have many friends.I refuse to have any of them round now because she behaves appallingly.
She goes through phases such as being obsessed with colouring/drawing etc and she has sat for most of the day doing so,although she is not interested at the moment.
She wont sit still to watch telly or a dvd(not a bad thing i know but ,normal?)
She needs to be doing something constantly.
Lately she has even been reluctant to go to bed as she says she doesn't feel tired and i will find her awake at night looking at books,yet she is up and pottering about at 6am each day.
Her behaviour is really getting to dp and me.
Tonight she looked like she was on drugs,she had black rings round her eyes(so tired)and she looked 'wired'.
I hope i'm not over reacting but something just feels wrong about her behaviour
I want my happy girl back.
Sorry for the long post.
Can anyone tell me if i'm right to be concerned?

OP posts:

October · 26/04/2007 22:28

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Beauregard · 26/04/2007 22:32

Hi
No we haven't ,it's just starting to dawn on us that it may be a problem.

OP posts:

October · 26/04/2007 22:41

Message withdrawn

Clary · 26/04/2007 22:48

Hmm it does sound worrying doesn't it.

Some of these things you list are fair enough - plenty of 5yos won't watch DVD etc - but the list is a bit alarming.

Sounds as though school may not be stimulating her or engaging her at all. How is her behaviour in class?
Does she need more active time to tire her out (Clary's Big Theory, well it's Cods actually)?

Or is it all something more serious? in which case I agree GP may come into it.

Original poster

Beauregard · 26/04/2007 22:49

I just worry that she may be hyperactive or something.
I intend to make an appointment with her teacher to discuss the problems we are having.
Just trying to pool some info and thought's prior to approaching the GP.

OP posts:

Original poster

Beauregard · 26/04/2007 22:51

She is active as much as is possible between mine and dp's work.
She walks a mile to school most days.

OP posts:

October · 26/04/2007 22:51

Message withdrawn

scatterbrain · 26/04/2007 22:56

She sounds like my dd to be honest !

It has never really occurred to me that it was strange though - I just thought she was a little odd !!

Mine is 6.5 now and has just recently become a fluent reader - she is very much into her rituals and habits and is very repetitive too.

I wouldn't worry too much - see the GP if you really think it is a health issue - but it sounds fairly normal, if irritating, to me.

Mine also has months of being horrid - but is angelic at school apparently !

Tiggiwinkle · 26/04/2007 22:58

Some of the things you describe sound similar to my DS5 who is 8 and has Aspergers. (The "verbal habits" you describe, for instance, and the wanting to be watched and not be alone. Also the not needing to sleep can be a big thing in ASD. I would defintely have a word with your GP about your concerns.

FancyPants · 26/04/2007 23:00

My DD is nearly 5 and started school last september too.
She doesn't seem to understand letters & writing, but is very interested in books & can be found "reading" late at night, although full of beans in the morning too.
She needs to be doing something constantly, & often wants me to lead the way.
She develops obsessions with toys or activities which she will be happy to do for days
Always says she "can't remember" what she did at school...
Sound familiar? I reckon one or more of the above is shared by most of the girls in DDs class (that I have met). I guess the stress for you is that they're all happening at once & it's overwhelming. I really don't think these behaviours are abnormal. Does she not like being on her own? If she plays alone a lot that might explain her behaviour when friends come over & her demand that you to watch her playing?
Have you spoken to her teacher to find out what her behaviour at school is like?
I shouldn't worry too much, & that fact that you are just shows that you are a fine parent

Original poster

Beauregard · 26/04/2007 23:03

Thanks
It is interesting to 'hear' the different opinions.

OP posts:

Original poster

Beauregard · 26/04/2007 23:07

Will make an appointment with teacher .

OP posts:

jomist · 26/04/2007 23:10

Am I right in assuming her school haven't approached you with any problems similar to the ones you have at home?

When I thought ds2 may have ADD (turned out to be problems linked to his dyspraxia), my local clinic gave me a check sheet to fill out and school had to fill it out too. They said that if both family and school indicate the same problems on the list, then they would confirm ADD but if any didn't match then it wouldn't.

Original poster

Beauregard · 26/04/2007 23:12

The school haven't approached us no.

OP posts:

Clary · 26/04/2007 23:14

Hmmm the walk to school and back is good (I was just thinking about the not tired thing y'see).

Yes I was wondering about Asperger's too, certainly doesn't sound like anything further along the autistic spectrum. But a friend has a DS with Asperger's and he is a bit like that about games - all must follow his rules etc. Also what appears to be obsessive (but often very detailed and clever) behaviour.

Mind you this doesn't prove anything. I would certainly see teacher and GP.

Tiggiwinkle · 26/04/2007 23:16

I would also have a word with your GP afterwards though-schools tend not to be good at picking up problems such as AS as the children often behave very differently when there-my DSs school insisted he could not be AS until he got the official diagnosis, for instance. He would never have been referred if it had been left up to them.

jomist · 26/04/2007 23:19

I'm very interested to see the outcome of this because the school haven't approached you. Possibly her behaviour at school doesn't stand out much from the other children. It could be that the teacher isn't of the type that picks up on these things.

I was fortunate that ds2s problems were identified at the school nursery.

Original poster

Beauregard · 26/04/2007 23:21

To be honest ,although the teacher is very nice he seems to be very dismissive when people raise issues with him,as if neurotic .

OP posts:

grannycrackers · 26/04/2007 23:30

i think it's normal for children to say they hate school.
also many are late readers. i don't think that means they are any less intelligent.
she might be a lark and enjoy staying up late at night.
as for being on the go and not sitting still - could she have a health problem, eg tummy aches? sometimes small children can't explain these things well.
have you sat down with her and chatted a lot? you might find that she's anxious about something
otherwise as others have said, take her to your gp
hope things improve soon

Original poster

Beauregard · 30/04/2007 20:50

I am meeting with her teacher after school tomorrow and it's just typical that she has been good today!
Dp and me are going to write a list of question's to ask her teacher.
Part of me thinks that i am over reacting but i just want to rule anything problematic out.

OP posts:

Original poster

Beauregard · 01/05/2007 21:46

Had a meeting with her teacher this afternoon and i do feel more reassured now.
I explained what her behaviour has been like at home,the verbal habits etc,lack of concentration ,social skills.I also told him i was concerned about her reading/writing progress.
He was very quick to explain to me that she can write her name still and has been writing 3 letter words on work sheets in class
He did agree with me that her reading is slow starting but said they were aware of my dd and a few others who are behind with this,and said they are dealing with it by engaging them more frequently with the reading than some of the class.
He explained that the one little girl she plays with had been trying to 'branch'out and make more friends and that my dd appeared to be feeling insecure because of this ,constantly talking/following him.He has observed her watching the other children before approaching them to play.Although she is trying to make more friends ,he said that it was quite random as to whom she played with.He think's that it is a positive thing for her to venture further afield with friendships.This still concern's me to be honest but he said he will observe her and that i can call him anytime.
He said that there are no verbal'habits' at school .
Part of me feels that i over reacted but then i think that i am just watching out for her and would rather rule out anything problematic asap.

OP posts:

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