4 year old behaviour

[Leo090813]

I’m at my wits end and any help would be appreciated, i have a 4 yo boy who started school in September and I have two main issues I need help with:

The first is, he has always been an early riser, but recently his new habit is waking at about half 5 and kicking me continuously until I get up! I’ve spoken to other mums who have children who wake early and they suggested giving him the iPad to play on until a reasonable time, however this doesn’t work, he will throw it across the room and he just INSISTS on being downstairs but is happy to sit on the iPad down there? He goes to sleep in his own bed but creeps in with me every night, then when he wants to wake up he will do anything he can to get us to go downstairs, kicking me, screaming, or pulling the covers off me!! I’ve tried altering his bedtime to see if it makes a difference but it doesn’t. I’m working full time and I need to get up about 6.15 anyway but I don’t understand why he won’t just chill upstairs until then, everyone else’s child seems to :-(.

The second issue is his general behaviour since he started school, he’s always been a stubborn boy and knows what he wants which I am proud of, but he’s got to the point where he’s not doing ANYTHING I ask of him, so I end up having to put him on time out in his room, on the way to his room I get bitten, punched, my hair pulled, then I finally get him in his room and I have to sit behind the door to stop him getting out, while he’s in time out he throws all his toys at the door, smashes his whole room up and empties every single bit of clothing from his wardrobe - so after 5 time outs in one day you can imagine how exhausting this is :( I’m a single mum doing it all on my own and I find myself just crying while I’m sitting up against his door while he’s screaming how much he hates me and wants a new mummy. My friend has suggested emptying his room completely so he can’t inflict any damage but this is just not very practical. I’ve tried a reward chart for good behaviour which doesn’t seem to bother him. He seems to be so angry and I’m wondering if I need to take him to get checked out, any help or ideas is appreciated.

Thank you, x

I can't really offer any advice but rather complete sympathy as I have the exact same problem, my dd will be 4 in the next couple of months, I'm also a single parent.

She wakes up way too early every day and takes an age to go to bed usually with a tantrum before settling.
She's an angel at nursery, everyday I'm told how good she has been and how helpful she is and confident. The only thing she's ever been sort of told off for is being bossy.

At home she's a whirlwind, gets all her toys out, point blank refuses to tidy up even if I'm "helping" and tends to start throwing her toys about if I make her help. Most days she will refuse to eat dinner then within minutes tell me she's hungry.
I've tried reward charts, taking toys away, naughty step (or rather thinking spot to be in line with nursery)
Usually this is confined to home but now has began in a shop if I say no she can't have a toy, sweets or whatever it is she wants.

Sorry realised I've ranted a bit now, but I'm hoping it's a phase, she knows she is starting school in sept and possibly there is a bit of anxiety about that, and also feel it's her testing her boundaries seeing what buttons she can push.

I have learnt that as much as I'm angry or upset I can't show it and have to stay calm and she will calm down quicker.
Hopefully it will pass for you (and me) soon

I just came on to write a similar post. 4yo DS, single parent (essentially as DH works abroad all year). We also have DD who is 2. DS is becoming increasingly difficult - rude, ignorant, sullen, but then hyper and quite aggressive at the same time. He ignores requests made of him and generally seems highly emotional at the moment. Also a very early riser who simply cannot understand the notion of being even a bit quiet in the mornings so as not to wake his sister or the neighbours.

I came in to ask if all this is normal 4yo boy behavior or if it needs investigating.... but it's nice to know we are not alone in this OP.

How is your son when he tantrums? Does he respond to cuddles or affection? Mine used to but these days he genuinely needs to realize the consequences for his behavior so I try to make him sit out the thinking step for a while first.

Another one with solidarity rather than advice. I came on looking for advice around my daughter who is also 4 , started school in September and I'm really struggling behaviour wise. We have a 3yo boy too and he's a handful but I kind of "get" his challenging behaviour more. I also have my husband around and I'm at my whits end so you have my full respect coping single handed.

I am getting a lot of I want a new mummy, I don't like you, tongue pulling, scowling and today hysterics with kicking spitting and lying on the floor outside school, apparently over a treat I had brought for after school which didn't meet her standards. It makes me feel really sad that our relationship is deteriorating, I'm finding it hard to keep my cool as she seems to have really tuned into how to push my buttons. The thing I am struggling with most is I find myself almost trying to make her feel guilty for rejecting me which I know is all kinds of messed up. Especially as I guess she doesn't really understand too much about other peoples feelings. But on the other hand she grasps the basics of being mean to someone and I really feel like she has it in for me at times! She also adores daddy and will literally cheerlead for him as he comes through the door. This used to be a bit of a joke between me and him but I think he gets now it's all going a bit weird. I love her to pieces and I know that my behaviour, mood and tiredness factor is all feeding into this (thankfully she sleeps really well, her brother not so much!)

I was thinking of trying a reward chart or jar for both of them, though hers isn't so much bad behaviour as attitude if you see what I mean?

With my son (3yo) when he gets really wound up and fixed on something, often as the tantrum progresses it becomes apparent even he has forgotten what started it.

But for him it's often waiting for the chink when he can just give in and accept a cuddle. These are some things that have worked for me to snap him out of it. Might be a bit young for your children or not quite what your looking for but they have helped here - sometimes!

If I can I will try and sit calmly next to him, stop him from hitting or damaging stuff but other wise wait it out, prompting him to take a deep breath, sometimes it's like all of a sudden he's ready to hear me and he just stops, breaths and comes for a cuddle and we can get it figured out. Other things that have worked are at night picking him up and walking outside, the shock of the cool air and change of scene prompts him to breathe and snap out of it. Also if he's loosing it on the floor say I might pick up his fave toy and cuddle and rock it, tuck it into bed, peaks his interest and sometimes gives me an in with him, which is what I need when he's tantruming.

With the 4yo tantrums are less frequent , more flouncing and cheek and refusing simple requests 😬

Another one with solidarity here. The tantrums are unreal and there seems to be no way of breaking them. We’ve tried the cold air -it just makes her more wound up.

I suppose it’s just another thing we may have to sit and wait to pass.

I’m just so sick of walking on egg shells