What to do when other child is unintentionally mean to yours?

[2grls]

Hi, This morning, I dropped my 5 year old daughter off at day care. She likes to make cards where she draws pictures and puts stickers on them and gives them to other children in her class. Yesterday, she made a card which she spent a lot of time on, coloring the paper and putting Cars stickers on. She said she wanted to give it to a boy who likes Cars in her class. I know the boy and his parents, and they are very sweet. The boy is generally very well-behaved. She was very excited about giving it to him, and I encouraged her, telling her it was a nice thing to do. This morning, when she tried to give it to the boy, the boy said, 'I don't want it. I have so many Cars stickers all over my door.' He completely ignored her, and she stood there with the card in her hands. I told her I was leaving, so she came to say goodbye. I asked her if she wanted me to take the card, and she said yes. She seemed ok - a bit stunned. I asked if she was ok, and she said yes. I didn't know what to say to her this morning. I will be picking her up in a few hours and I would like to know what you suggest I say to her. This is not the first time she has made a card for another child. I have a horrible feeling that her cards are not wanted by any of the children, and the other children do not know well enough to say thanks and be kind. So I need to say something to her without discouraging her. Please advise. Thanks in advance.

I wouldn't make a big thing of it, tbh. In fact, if she doesn't mention it then I wouldn't either.

If she asks, I'd just say something like "Yes, it was a shame that John didn't want his card. You worked very hard on it and it was lovely. But he has lots of Cars pictures, and he didn't have room for yours. Shall we put it up in your room instead?".

I wouldn't discourage her from doing them, unless it happens a lot and she starts getting upset. My dd is 5 and she and her close friends love to draw pictures and cards for each other - so maybe some of her cards are appreciated!

I agree with WWB.
Play the whole thing down - maybe suggest she makes cards for friends and family members that she can send through the post instead?

It's so upsetting when this kind of thing happens - your heart bleeds for them - but quite often they get over it much quicker than you do. This has happened to my 4yr old daughter before - I guess I would just go out of my way to praise it myself. Maybe encourage her to make a card for one of her Grandparents and actually post it to them as a distraction?

My daughter is very very friendly and is always running up to other children and saying hello - she gets snubbed quite frequently - but it hasn't stopped her doing it and I'm glad because she also gets lots of very positive responses - I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sure your daughter does too.

Sorry xpost Thewoman.

Thank you WWB, TW and Jacanne. I actually felt like crying all morning. I know that in the past few weeks she has made about 5 or 6 cards for a girl in her class, and it suddenly occurred to me that maybe she was getting snubbed all the time. But maybe it was just this boy. I thought though that maybe I should also take this opportunity to tell her that if anyone makes something for her and gives it to her that she should say thank you, even if she doesn't really want or like it? Or should I just forget this happened unless she raises it?

Thanks again.

You feel like your heart is going to break in two for them, don't you?
I know that this was something I really hadn't prepared myself for - the extent to which the minefield of friends and relationships would effect me more than dd.
I think personally I would leave it until (and if) she raises the issue, and choose then to be the time to do the talk about accepting all presents with gratitude.

Thanks Pooka. I'll try to forget it happened. . . but what if this evening she wants to make more cards? She spends literally hours doing this. . . I'll try to encourage her to make them for Grandma.

I suspect that if the girl she's made the cards for was refusing them, your dd would have told you. I'd also suspect that if she'd had lots refused, she would have been less keen on making one for the little boy who refused it.

She obviously enjoys making them, and the chances are no-one else has refused them, so I really wouldn't stop her or mention anything about them unless she asks. It would turn something lovely that she enjoys into something sad that could make her unhappy if you make too much of an issue of it.

If you raise the subject of accepting something gracefully, you may make this more of an issue for her than it is. If she asks you about it, then's the time to speak to her about it. Otherwise I'd leave it. She's probably forgotten about it already - they are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for, and something that we can feel awful about often doesn't bother them all that much. But if it does, then talk to her about it without making too big a deal out of it.

Ok thank you for the advice, WWB.

Definitely encourage her to keep going. And come up with a list of people who you KNOW will appreciate them, and maybe get her all excited about posting them to family and so on, as well as friends at school. I remember the thrill of posting cards and letters, and then the excitement of the postman arriving with things for me.
I think it's a lovely activity that she enjoys and like WWB said, it would be a shame to curb her enthusiasm. She sounds lovely.