Siblings getting along at school

[MrsBid]

I have two boys 10 and 7. At home they get along, play together nicely (most of the time!) but at school the elder can be quite mean to his younger brother. He doesn’t allow him to play, will show his younger brother up in order to make his own friends laugh, doesn’t show any protection or loyalty at all and can be physically violent towards him. The 10 year old is VERY competitive,so it is “win at all costs”, therefore he would never pass the ball to his younger brother or because the younger brother doesn’t have as good a chance at scoring, the elder brother will tackle his younger brother and get the ball off him even if they’re on the same team. Yesterday this happened and the elder brother ended up physically throwing the younger brother to the floor. The younger brother comes home from school very upset and dejected.

Can anyone offer advise?

At the primary schools that my kids attended, football was divided into year groups so a y3 would never play football with a y6. From what I hear, lunchtime football is insanely competitive and if your older son didn't tackle his brother or didn't pass to the kid most likely to score then the other boys would moan at him all after him all afternoon.

Yes. I agree that he will be under peer pressure to compete competitively on the football pitch. However, the physical violence, or belittling in front of his friends is not acceptable and is having an impact on the younger sibling. I have tried telling the younger sibling to stay away, but how do i instil a protective loyalty to his younger brother?

Quite simply, you don’t instill it. It happens naturally but not on a football pitch. Tell your younger son to play with children his own age and stop trying to irritate his brother by being clingy. A little seven year old is going to be hurt if they’re running around with 10/11 year olds in full competitive throttle.
I’m sure if there was a real problem the older would come to the defence of the younger but at school he needs to not have to babysit.

Is there only one football game happening each lunchtime? If not, I'd get your younger one to play with the other kids.
My guess is that your older one put up with taunts and tackles in y3 from older boys and it's part of the package of playground football.
Is there a playground supervisor or teacher refereeing the match? If the roughness is excessive, I'd expect the adult to tell ds1 off at the time and red card him if necessary.
Personally I think that it's a recipe for disaster having mixed year group matches and even if ds1 wasn't playing, ds2 would still get sidelined and injured because he's in y3 rather than y6.

I agree with the others about football - they shouldn’t be taking part in the same game.

Tell us about when DS1 belittles DS2 to make his friends laugh - do you think DS2 is hanging around DS1 and getting on his nerves? If so, you need to talk to DS2 about being more independent and making friends of his own. Maybe chat to his teacher about friendship issues and see if he/she has any suggestions.

Or does DS1 seek him out to be mean to him? That’s a lot more serious.