Help needed with a 6 year old who seems to hate me:(

[Shewhoisbraveisfree]

Hello everyone. I'm a newbie, I've literally just joined because I am desperate for advice. I have a 6 year old son who I have 4 days a week. The other 3 days he spends with his dad. His dad and I separated nearly 2 years ago and it was a bad separation.
My son has always been strong willed. He can be loving, gentle, thoughtful and caring. But a lot of the time he is nasty, completely disobedient (literally ignores everything I say) and ungrateful (threatening to break new toys he got for Christmas because he can't get his own way. He seems to be this way with me a lot. It's embarrassing when I have him around other people, their children seem so obedient compared to him. I really worry that it's past the point of being helped now and all I want is to help him to learn right from wrong and to treat others well.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I've tried calmly talking to him, explaining things to him and taking toys away. Of course I have also lost my own temper at times and shouted at him.

I'm on my own with him, I do have a boyfriend but we have only been together for a few months so he has met my son but only a handful of times. I don't live near any of my family, I moved here for my ex husband years ago. Kinda feels like a heavy weight to carry these days :(

Has he always been like this or have things deteriorated since the split?

He has always had this side to his temperament, but it has become worse since the separation. My ex husband had a really hard time with the split for over a year and I think his emotions and behaviours during that time did damage my relationship with my son. He would frequently get angry at me, hitting me because I wouldn't let daddy come home. It's really been a nightmare 2 years and I don't feel like I've been the best mum during that time either at times, I still struggle some days now to have the energy to get dressed at the weekend. I carry a lot of guilt for not being good enough, and I know that negativity can't be helping things either.

If you are in such a low place, I think you might be best talking to your GP. I’d book a double appointment so that you can say exactly how you feel and how your son is behaving. I think that once you start feeling better, you might find that your son behaves better.

I’d also give Family Lives a call tomorrow.

If you want a book on how to, hopefully, turn his behaviour around, have a look at No Cry Discipline Solution.

HTH and let us know how you get on