DSs (3) behaviour is really getting me down.

[madmarchhare]

He can be wonderful at times, so I know he is capable, but when he is in that mood he is a nightmare.

Kicking, hitting, shouting, throwing, and often when he is at nursery.

Warnings and time out has no long term effect. Removal of tv and toys, no effect.

I am consistant but Ive just about had enough and dont know what else to try.

My DS (3) is also a bit of a handful. He is incredibly feisty and drives me around the bend. A lot of the time I put it down to communication problems but he has been for speech therapy tests and they didn't think there was anything wrong with him. He is so independent - thinks he knows exactly what he is doing - and is constantly pushing the boundaries further and further. He has been at the local play school since sept and is due to start the school nursery this sept and I am scared to death. I love him dearly and he was a wonderful character but a cuddle with friends always turns into a wrestling match and it drives me mad. [hmmm]

He very vocal as well.

Im waiting for the nursery to say something.

Ds(3.3) is exactly the same. Such a treasure / so sweet some minutes / hours / days and a nightmare others.
I am afraid I don't have any helpful suggestions.
Warnings and t/o don't work for us.
I am just trying to sort out my own parenting techniques at the moment, which is why I can offer no advice.
But there are others in the same boat as you - I am just here to say that I UNDERSTAND.

Its horrible, I sometimes feel like I have done something majorly wrong somewhere.

I feel that too. Everyone keeps persuading me that it is normal. But I don't think so. But that's just me - don't let me bring you into this - lots of others will be here soon to offer suggestions.

three year olds = possibly the most unreasonable human beings in existence.

You haven't done anything wrong; three year olds can be hard, hard work.

I personally feel with this age group that removal of 'priveleges' like tv and toys just goes over their heads: they've forgotten what the problem was by the time you've imposed the consequence.

I think the most successful things I did when ds was 3 were:

assuming that I would spend a really big chunk of my time actively playing with him, and not having an expectation that he would spend more than 5 minutes playing alone without getting into mischief

assuming that his behaviour would be pretty anti-social and having a big tolerance for it even if others raised an eyebrow sometimes, saving my last resort of time out only for when he was having a tantrum and simply couldn't get himself calm.

Telling him verbally that hitting/kicking/biting are not acceptable and moving away from him, but trying at the same time to divert him onto something else;

So basically I think it's about accepting that all his behaviour is totally normal; and as a parent many time you are doing enough if you tell your child what's not acceptable, and role model what TO do, eg not shout at them, hit them etc......there's far too much pressure for parents to DEAL with behaviour with a punitive consequence IMO. Their behaviour will change over time if they've been told and shown how to behave. Alot of the time time out/telling off/naughty step/removal of stuff WILL fail purely because the child has yet to learn what's acceptable. They learn this as soon as they can.

Have faith in your boy, he will be fine.

The nursery probably haven't said anything yet because his behaviour is very normal!

Thanks ssu, I guess, well sort of know, that you are right. Its just that sometimes when we are having a particularly bad run (have just had weekend at friends which was hell) its hard to see the wood for the trees.

SSU talks total sense.

thank you v much Oblomov!