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10 year old son who is closed, stubborn, sensitive and proud

7 replies

Sal1105 · 30/12/2017 09:44

Good morning all and happy New Year. I'm having some difficulties with my DS, 10. Our evening routine has become more and more stressful over the years. We tend to chill as a family and try and watch a film/something family orientated on the t.v. My eldest DS claims to only like action films. Recently he said he hates, yes, HATES Christmas films. He won't even entertain anything other than action films. I have another DS, 9, who is very compromising. Ready to give things a go that he doesn't know about or hasn't seen. He's very open minded and happy to check new things out. My eldest however, will not compromise, give new things, literally 30 seconds sometimes before he's decided he doesn't want watch it. This is not the problem really. The problem is that when this happens, he just sits there saying "can we not watch this" over and over. My DH try and be calm, saying things like "come on, give it a bit longer", etc., etc. He just gets louder and louder, eventually either screaming and storming out but sitting on the stairs wailing so we can all hear him, tipping the coffee table over (last night). He always says he's sorry the next day but he will not talk about it to find a way around this problem. He also refuses to go and entertain himself saying everything is boring, he doesn't like anything etc., etc. He has become very negative about himself, has very low self-esteem and is extremely sensitive. I feel like he's given up on himself. He seems to have no self-control over this behaviour. He unfortunately seems to be one of those children who enjoys winding people up in a negative way, wonders why I and DH get pissed off, then cannot handle that we are cross with him and not immediately giving him a cuddle when he's spent half an hour winding me up. TBH, i just don't get him but I really want to help him. He could argue in a room on his own. He's very sensitive, incredibly stubborn with a delicate ego, defiant, strong willed, intelligent and can be very caring and sensitive to me and others but rarely his brother, who this is affecting. He seems to lack empathy. Even though he's only 10 I would expect more empathy. His brother is 9 and has plenty. I do not love one more than the other, but one is definitely easier going than the other. Any advice lovely people, would be much much appreciated? What do you all do of an evening?

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EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 30/12/2017 10:13

I’ve not got much advice other than either stopping the evening films or each family member taking it in turns to choose.

If he is suffering low self esteem and lack of self discipline, I’d also look into going to a martial arts class with him.

Hopefully someone will be along soon with some more advice or experience.

Sal1105 · 30/12/2017 10:38

Thank you. Yes, I have thought of a martial arts and will suggest it again. He's convinced he doesn't like anything and can't do anything. It's so frustrating and very sad to hear. He's not a joiner-inner, if you know what I mean. He doesn't seem comfortable with silliness or being watched. He gets very self-conscious
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EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 30/12/2017 10:56

Do you think he’d be willing to to a martial arts class with you?

Sal1105 · 30/12/2017 11:17

That,s a thought. I'll look in to it.

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CalliopeSings · 01/01/2018 20:47

Hi OP
I could have written this post about my son who is 8.5. We have same family dynamic with very easygoing DS2 (6) who takes a lot of criticism / hassle from DS1.
Martial arts not an option for DS1 as he is also self conscious and has dyspraxia so very nervous about anything with detailed movement.
What helps is 121 time with me or DH. He loves swimming or walking and the activity also calms him down a lot.
How is your DS at school? Mine has a couple of friends but also struggles socially. He is very sensitive to any implied slight or criticism and will dwell on any teasing and be upset at bedtime - this typically happens after he has been told off for being an arse to DS2!

Noni73 · 03/01/2018 19:04

Hi, I can relate as my daughter is like this and had posted earlier about how angry she appears to be. She is 9. I hear a lot of parents having the same kind of issues with this age group and I do wonder if it's something hormone related? I pluck random things out of the air sometimes but the do say kids nowadays are developing earlier. My daughter feels so slighted at the tiniest of things and I think she has a rep for being moody and huffy at school. Parenting is tough at times. You just want them to grow up feeling loved and confident within themselves which isn't easy to do x

Sal1105 · 05/01/2018 12:02

Thank you so much for all your supportive words. My DH and I have talked a lot about this and concluded that DS is the way he is. Not that this makes it any easier to deal with. I think you're right about 1-2-1 activities but finding the time can be challenging. New Year, new us!!! Happy New Year to all.

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