Why does he just push it with me?

[Chloe55]

Ds is 14mth old. I work part-time wed/thur/fri when he is in nursery. I clean for my nanna on a monday and she takes him to visit relatives all day. I spend all day tues, just me and him. DH and I spend all weekend with him. I normally do all the baths and put to beds. So, basically he spends much more time with me due to dh's work commitments.

Anyway, getting the point - over the past few weeks ds has started to not listen to anything I say to him - if I tell him not to do something he just smiles, nods his head and carries on, if we are walking anywhere and he doesn't want to go in that particular direction he sits down and throws his head back (quite literally, he has hurt himself many times by cracking it on the floor ), he rarely lets me feed him (although I do try to let him feed himself more often than not). Yesterday, we were in ASDA and he more or less screamed from the minute we got in until we got home, just because I wouldn't let him play with my handbag.

Whenever he starts with a total tantrum then I just completely ignore him - I literally turn the blinkers on and act normal and eventually he will stop (it's amazing how you really couldn't care less what other people think around you isn't it And, if he doesn't want to eat and throws another tantrum then I just ignore him again and wait until he has calmed down to hand over the food.

Now, I can appreciate that this is probably normal behaviour from a toddler and that he will eventually learn his limits/learn I'm not interested in his paddy fits but he is good as gold with DH/nanna/mum etc. Like today - he wouldn't eat for me but when I left the room he actually gave the spoon to my nanna to feed him and he ate the lot Or he can be in a really abd mood all day with me then DH will come home and he is all happy again.

Do you think he is like this with me because he spends most time with me so pushes it or do you think I am going wrong somewhere - would you just ignore temper tantrums or am I sort of giving him free rein to throw a hissy fit? When he first starts I give him 'the look' and tell him no firmly but he completely ignores me.

i agree with what everyone is saying-- that kids push it with the parent that they feel the most secure with.
But I want to mention another interesting thing I read. It says that kids donT feel comfortable or safe with an adult who lets them do whatever they want. Babies are born with an instinct to look to their mother for guidance. So theyll push her to get an angry reaction from her. When they get it, they can feel safe because they can see that she knows what she`s doing. Babies need to feel that their mother is a strong person and in control.
Sometimes if parents let their children to anything, without giving boundaries, they end up turning into unhappy children. Whereas children whose mother shows them whats expected of them end up feeling more secure and have more confidence. Thats just a theory anyway, but again, it makes me feel better.

Yes my DS definitely tests me to make sure I dont let him do everything he wants. He always waits until he knows I am watching before doing something a bit cheeky . I will see him standing holding his trainer cup out of the corner of my eye, tipping it a bit, and when I look right at him he tips it all over the floor whilst grinning at me!

Chloe55, saw a thread the other day where lots of people were recommending those backpacks etc that the child wears that have a strap attached so you can hold on and they cant run off. Am thinking of getting one of them. Would do a link if I could work out how .

You mean these LitteEgg. I think that that is what Chloe already has.

Sorry, no further advice Chloe, but has been interesting for me too reading this.

Yep those... or the furry animal ones someone else had (monkeys etc that strap to the toddler's back and you hold the tail).

No good then?

DS2 likes to push it with me too. I think like the other posters have said, it's because you do most of the caring, and it's "safe" to push you.
I have taken to getting DS1 to tell him to do stuff eg. please sit down in your chair,(he is 3) as DS2 always listens to him!

No advice her Chloe but the ggod new is, you've probably only got another 3 years of it

I usually take a healthy snack with me when i take my dd (18m) shopping - mini sandwiches even, keeps her occupied then or something to play with.

she's happy - I'm happy. well done for keeping your cool - that's the most important thing and being consistent with the battles that really matter with no's and removing from situation. Cuddles are fine as long as you don't back down.