How can I get my 5 year old to stick up for himself?

[susan198130]

I know my son is still very young, but he's hanging around with some really horrible kids at school. I've been to see his teacher about this. When I was just collecting my son from school, an older boy came up to me (I think he's about 7) and said that he is protecting my son to make sure he doesn't get bullied. Obviously, this is a lovely thing for a 7 year old to do, but I also want my son to not be a victim for these "friends" of his to pick on.

There's 3 of them in particular. It's not just my son they do it to, they do it to another one in their group, but my son is the smallest as well, which probably makes him more of a target for them.

From what my son says, this boy who's "protecting" him has taken it upon himself to look out for him, it wasn't something a teacher has said. My son said that this boy steps in when these other boys are "attacking" him. That was the word my son used.

I've spoken to my son about maybe hanging out with some other boys in this class, but he's not the most sociable of children.

He's such a lovely, kind natured child and I just hate the thought that these boys are pushing him around (literally pushing him around). He doesn't seem bothered by it at all, but obviously I am. Does anyone have any advice to toughen him up a little bit? Obviously, I don't want him to go and turn into some kind of bully himself, but I just want him to stand his ground and not take crap from these boys.

I thought putting him to the local football club might just help increase his confidence a little bit, but he's in a group of 5-7 year olds, and some of these kids are so good, that my son just doesn't really get the ball, so he finds it boring. I was wondering if karate might be a better step.

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

If he’s not interested in football, don’t send him, he won’t enjoy it

Some cricket clubs may start training for the summer season after the new year so it might be worth getting in touch with your local club to find out about the junior members and when he can join in. Cricket not only teaches them ball skills but is good fun for them and teaches them how to be part of a team. The hockey season is currently underway too so that might be worth investigating.

Yes, to the martial art. I’d find out what’s local to you and what nights suit you best and then decide which one to go with.

I’d also talk to him about what he enjoyed each day and what he’s looking forward to tomorrow. Little things like this can often lead them to start talking about what’s going on in the playground. One thing that helped my DD when a girl was being nasty was to tell her that she didn’t have to play with her, if she was having a “bad day” it wa fine to go and play with someone who was being a bit happier. I think my DD thought that because they were friends, she always had to play with her even when the girl was being quite mean. Fast forward a few years and they are still friends but both have developed other friendships.

[Capelin]

I see you’ve already been to the teacher, did you feel that he / she took it seriously? Maybe worth escalating to the head? I would be looking for the school to deal with this.

Outside school, beavers / cubs can be a good way of boosting his confidence and helping him make friends.

[susan198130]

Thanks. I think he does enjoy the football, but he doesn't enjoy this particular one because he's a long way off being as good as the other boys. When this club aren't short on coaches, one of the coaches takes my other son (he's 4) over to the other side of the sports hall and does some training with him, which my 5 year old often joins in with, instead of being with the 5-7 year olds. He really does enjoy this, but it doesn't happen every week because of how many coaches there are on the day.

I've spoken to my son about these boys. One of them told him the other week that he wasn't allowed to play with them any more, and that he's only allowed to play with them when he says it's ok. I've told my son that friends are always nice to each other and that maybe he should try and make friends with some of the other children. He's actually really good friends with one of the girls in his class, so I'm thankful for that because she's a lovely girl. The problem is that, as I said, he doesn't make friends easily. I mean if we walk past some of the other boys that he doesn't play with in school, they won't even say hello to each other. Or maybe that's just a boy thing.

I did feel the teachers took it seriously. I spoke to his teacher and the deputy head. They are keeping an eye out. I did feel the deputy head was trying to just make me feel a bit better by telling me that the boy who told my son he can't play with them is a control freak (she didn't use those words, but that's what she meant). So they've put him into lunchtime club a few days a week. This worried me at first, because then I wondered if he was kind of being isolated a bit, but apparently all the children want to go into it, and they get to take another child in with them.

My son has fallen out with this boy twice in the past week as well. They had a bit of a scuffle at a party and then this boy upset him in class.

I forgot about cubs! Maybe I'll look into that and see what he thinks. Although I think the waiting lists are huge for this... or so I've heard. I showed my son a YouTube video of karate for young kids yesterday and he didn't look too impressed. It all costs so much money so maybe I'll see if I can get him into a free session and see if he likes it.

[susan198130]

* when I say "if we walk past some of the other boys that he doesn't play with in school, they won't even say hello to each other" these are boys in his class.

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

I’d put his name down for Beavers and talk about it more nearer the time. The karate near us is £3 a session and the adults can take part too but obviously that’s another £3.

It does sound like the school are doing something. Are there any boys in his class that he likes? Apart from these ones obviously. Could you invite one over for a couple of hours in the Christmas break?

[susan198130]

When he was at nursery, he didn't mix at all. He literally would just play by himself, so his nursery referred him for some extra help because they were obviously concerned about it.

So with him going to school, I was so worried that he'd just be the same, but I was so happy when he made some friends. Oddly enough, the boy that says he can only play with them when he says was his best friend last year. They were inseparable. There are only about 10 boys in his class and he doesn't play with them at all. I have friends with children the same age but they are mainly girls, and apart from the one girl at school, he just isn't drawn to them. Plus he's got a brother who's only 15 months younger than him, so he always just plays with him if we go out with those friends.

It's really tough. I'm really good friends with the nan of one of his friends, but this friend is in the same group of friends (he's the other one that they're not always nice to).

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

Could you invite the other boy for tea?

Also, did the school know about the extra help he had at Nursery and are they concerned?