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Behaviour/development

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12 year old melt downs and lashing out

12 replies

OwlyLady · 18/12/2017 18:30

Whenever my 12 year old sister has homework (which is almost daily) or has to do anything that requires effort she has a massive melt down, cries and throws a tantrum. She's in the same in her basketball matches, if she's someone tackles her or she does a bad throw she'll throw herself to the floor and roll around making our she's hurt. She loses her temper too and ends up throwing and slamming things.

I'm visiting home tonight and she's being so dramatic about her homework that shes bringing our mum to tears. We've had tears, shouting, sarcastically trying too hard to do her homework.

Is there any advice on how to handle this behaviour? She was like this in primary school too, we tried a lot then and her teacher ended up suggesting just not giving her homework anymore. In high school this isn't really an option!

She does eventually do it, in between stropping.

I know teens do throw strops but this is so extreme and nothing like how me or my other siblings have reacted!

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EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 18/12/2017 18:37

THat is a tough one and sorry I haven’t got any answers. Both of mine were like this around 7 but thankfully grew out of it.

Have you talked to her about it without your DM being there?

OwlyLady · 19/12/2017 07:15

Yes I've tried to and she just gets super aggressive towards me no matter what angle I try to take.

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EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 19/12/2017 07:53

Does she have any additional needs?

OwlyLady · 20/12/2017 20:33

Not that we are aware of

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Capelin · 20/12/2017 20:42

OP, this seems unusual behaviour for a 12yo. Especially the bit about basketball- so she behaves like this in front of her friends too? I wonder if it would be worth getting referred for an assessment?

OwlyLady · 20/12/2017 20:53

Yeah she does behave like this in front of her peers! It is pretty awkward to watch.
What would we be getting her assessed for?

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EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 20/12/2017 21:49

One thing that might be worth discussing is Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA).

Goldmandra · 20/12/2017 22:44

I've had this with both my DDs who have AS. it is really common in children with autism.

With my DDs we just decided that homework would never happen at home. It made no sense to push either of them because a child in that amount of distress is never going to learn anything from the task anyway.

When they reached their GCSE year, they both decided to start doing homework at home voluntarily. That was fine.

I would take the pressure off immediately and talk to school about finding ways to support her to complete some homework in school while excusing her from other homework altogether.

OwlyLady · 21/12/2017 05:40

Thank you. I'll try to approach this subject with my mum.

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EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 21/12/2017 18:01

Owly do you think it would be useful to get your DM to read this thread?

OwlyLady · 22/12/2017 11:40

I might do, not sure if she might be a bit taken a back by me seeking advice from strangers about it.

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EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 22/12/2017 18:35

I might do, not sure if she might be a bit taken a back by me seeking advice from strangers about it.

MN is an excellent place to seek advice though, especially as nobody knows who you are Smile

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