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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My friend's daughter is violent - what should I do?

14 replies

Tripitaka · 22/04/2007 15:23

Hi - my first ever post on mumsnet; if anyone can offer any thoughts on this it would be great.
My friend's daughter is always hitting and pushing other kids, and I am sick of my daughter getting hurt whenever we meet up with them. The violence has been getting worse lately. My friend tells her off but it has no effect whatsoever.
It's getting to the point where I think the negatives of playing with this girl are outweighing the positives as far as my daughter is concerned; she is certainly getting more wary of the other girl and a lot less pleased to see her than she used to be.
I don't think it's my place to tell my friend how to handle her daughter better but if things don't improve I think I will have to stop seeing them or else I will be the one to blow my top with her daughter. I don't want to throw away a friendship but I don't want to keep tolerating this problem either.
What would others do or have you done in a similar situation? Thanks!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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misdee · 22/04/2007 15:25

how old are they?

Original poster

Tripitaka · 22/04/2007 15:31

Sorry, forgot to put that! They are both 2.

OP posts:

mytwopenceworth · 22/04/2007 15:36

see your friend when the kids are not around. there is no reason to cease contact with a friend because the kids don't get on. see her when kids are at nursery, or get other halfs to have them, go over when they are in bed etc etc

a lot of mates want their kids to play together/become friends because they are. keep the 2 seperate and you can have best of both worlds.

if she asks - be honest, in a kind way!

just my 2pworth. as always.

Fillyjonk · 22/04/2007 15:37

I think they are only 2, that is not very much.

kids develop different. IMO most go through a "violent" phase.

2 yos don't actually listen anyway IMO, its basically a case of saying the same thing again and again. Her mother is probably exhausted!

I would say that in this situation, you are of course right to be concerned about your daughter, but she will probably go through a similar phase before long.

Maybe they need a break from each other?

Original poster

Tripitaka · 22/04/2007 15:42

Thanks my2pworth: that's good advice. I will just have to find some different things to do during the day with my daughter instead(am a stay-at-home mum).

OP posts:

Fillyjonk · 22/04/2007 15:59

lisad123 · 22/04/2007 16:06

We had the same problem with my friend and her DD, who was 6 months older than my DD. She used to bear hug the other children and hurt themin the mean time. My friend was so worn out and kept saying sorry. My answer was always "My DD will no doubt do it back one day, no worries, shes fine". I must admit my DD never did do it back, nor do the other little girls we had in our group, BUT friends DD has calmed down and your child will no doubt come across more children like this when she goes out to school. Try and stick it out, maybe ask your friend if she would mind you stepping in sometimes to give a break to her, my friend didnt mind and her DD would listen when we told her off (think children just always behave for someone else
My DD also learnt that this little girl was like and if she came running at her would put her hand out to stop her.
Good Luck
L

MamaG · 22/04/2007 16:07

I'm with Filly on this one

Fillyjonk · 22/04/2007 16:09

ta mamag

I am also a bit at calling a 2 yo "violent" but was being diplomatic

oops there i've blown it

MamaG · 22/04/2007 16:10

Yeah - when I read title I thought she'd be about 10!

2 year olds aren't really violent are they, they're 2

Fillyjonk · 22/04/2007 16:26

its the bright ones that are violent anyway..

Original poster

Tripitaka · 29/04/2007 14:42

Thanks Lisad123 for the reassurance. My friend is definitely exhausted so I will try your idea. Fillyjonk, you could be right, a break from each other is maybe what they need, as they are together a lot. As for whether 2 year olds can be 'violent' or not, I guess there is no nice way to describe that kind of behaviour. I was going to say she's a bully, but that seemed worse. Whatever you call it, thanks folks for taking the time to reply.

OP posts:

hercules1 · 29/04/2007 14:45

Sorry but pmsl at a 2 year old being violent

lulumama · 29/04/2007 14:59

All toddlers go trhough this stage, they play next to each other rather than together, and i have witnessed many a scrap at mums and tots, as two wee girls fight over the dolly pram or the push along trike....and boys too!

they have no concept of sharing, or taking turns, they want what they want now! and have no care for the other childs feelings, toddlers are totally egocwntric

was chatting to a mum at mums and tots last week, 21 month old DD stood with me , randomly poking other mums similar aged DD, then DD gave her a proper shove ! just took DD away , told her she was not to shove, distravted her with a toy, and carried on talking!

that is what toddlers do ! it is inherent, and had the other mum said DD was a bully or violent, for displaying normal toddler behaviour, i would have been more than a little p*ssed off

and FWIW, DD got scratched in the face by a similar aged boy, as he wanted the car she was playing with, c'est la vie !

i would either get used to the behaviour or stay in until your daughter is 4

the 'problem' you are tolerating is normal behaviour, you are making it a bigger deal than it ought to be IMHO

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