5 year old's anger at me / have 3 month old baby

[carocaro]

Help! My son aged just 5 has started to behave so angrily towards me, we had a baby boy 3 months ago and my eldest is lovely to him has been since day one and still is. But I think as the baby has become more alert and interesting, my eldest son is just so angry with me. He tantrums at the slightest thing eg: he knocked over his cereal today and I had not said a word and he was off screeching and nearly kicked me in the face - he went nuts in the school playground and started kicking me etc. He keeps saying things like if I can't do/have this etc etc he will 'kick me in the mouth' This is not like him at all, have not had any tantrums for over a year. I know it's all to do with the new baby and the time they take up and he's used to it being just me and him etc etc. We spent the afternoon together just the two of us and had a great time, but when the baby came back the tantrum came! He wants to compete it seems with the baby, the baby was crying and I was heating a bottle and he's trying to get me to do a jigsaw, I am finding it all very mentally stressfully draining. I can't be the same person I was with him and I am really trying not to exclude or dismiss him etc, but it's so hard and I know it's not personal, but I find it upsetting. THoughts on this so much needed! THanks

he does want to compete with the baby, that's why his behavior has become so awful. But I would crack down hard on "kick you in the face" type threats, which he has probably picked up from school.

the rest is attention seeking and I would try to ignore the naughtiness as much as possible, an big up his role as big brother, and how fabulous the baby thinks he is etc

Poor you! Sounds like this is quite recent ... is it possible that your DS is very tired/ coming down with something. That in conjunction with all the changes he is dealing with could be the tipping point into this behaviour. You've done the right thing today spending as much time as possible and giving him as much attention as possible. Probably need to continue doing this as much as you can. Find every opportunity to build up his confidence - not just as a great big brother but also as himself, and reassure him that he is still central to your world. Find special things only you and him can do.

Try to predict stress points ... eg as you get ready to feed baby and get him settled with an activity first. Eg, if he wants to do jigsaw, get him sorting the pieces out on the table as you warm the bottle and get him a snack, and then sit down with baby next to him to do jigsaw and feed baby at same time. I used to sit down to watch favourite dvds with dd at feeding time. Also had play dates (with mum in tow!) so dd had a friend around and I had a friend to help me carry ds.

Bet he feels very confused and angry about why he is behaving this way, so perhaps best not to be too hard on him ... quietly explain how you expect him to behave, but that you know it's hard. Give him acceptable ways to tell you how he feels and working out his anger. Reward and notice the good behaviour but not just when he's good brother ... he may be getting fed up with hearing about that.

It will no doubt find a new even keel over the next months, but it's exhausting while it lasts - especially while you are sleep deprived!