Where have I gone so wrong!!

[Mumma301]

My little boy is just coming up to 2 yo. He's always been a little.. highly strung shall we say but in the last couple of months he is becoming unbearable.

Absolutely sure it's the "normal terrible twos" and the fact that we welcomed his little brother 3 months ago who was poorly so I ended up being away in hospital for 2 weeks but I've tried my hardest to help him adjust and have read all the advice and books but seem to have just gotten it so wrong.

He has a tantrum at least 10 times a day, usually when he can't get his own way but it can be as simple as his sleeve bothering him through to a toy not working how he wants it to. At playgroups he has an absolute unresolvable meltdown if anyone tries to play with something he is playing with. He pushes me around, drags me by the hand but when asked what he wants he has no idea. To top it all off he's now decided he won't eat anymore. Today he has literally had two chunks of cheese and a flapjack all day.

He's starting to learn how to talk but still on says a couple of words.

I have tried so hard to help him adjust to his new brother and to manage his tantrums. I make sure he gets plenty of one on one time with me, Get him involved with "helping" with the baby, take him to loads of different playgroups, classes etc and try and explain acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, ignore tantrums but he's just getting worse and worse. It's to the point I feel myself ready to snap most days at home and the subject of disapproving stares at playgroups for having the screaming child.

Where have I gone wrong here? Can anyone offer some advice before i lose my mind

Thanks in advance and sorry for writing an essay!

X

It sounds as if he had a big upset when his brother arrived and you were away, and now everything is different with a new baby brother and he is still feeling unsettled. I would expect things to get better gradually when he gets used to the change.

Just now you might be trying a bit too hard? Little kids sometimes can't cope with going to too many different places. A bit of quiet and calm and daily routine might help him calm down. He's still too little to keep explaining things to him, just stick to a few simple rules and let silliness and minor naughtiness go. Let him have his own way when possible. And give him simple choices that suit you (red t shirt or blue? ham or cheese in your sandwich? are you going to walk upstairs or shall I carry you?) so that he gets to feel a bit in control but not overwhelmed with choice. Don't fuss over what he eats or doesn't eat, just keep offering him the usual food at the usual mealtimes.

It's OK for two year olds to have tantrums. They are not articulate yet and not very able to cope with their emotions. If he has a tantrum you can let the storm blow itself out and then give him a cuddle and move on.

I hope things settle down and get better for you all soon.