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Building confidence

1 reply

Ploddingthrulife · 13/12/2017 21:34

Hi, I'm new to mums-net and was hoping for some advise. My son is 10 years old. Through his time at school he has had trouble making friends. He's a very sensitive, caring lovely boy and feels like nobody likes him at school. He says he's not one of the 'popular' kids. He's very quiet and withdrawn whilst at school but at home he's happy and boisterous. He has very low self esteem which I've tried to boost in numerous ways by praising him, trying to get him to join clubs so on but he says that I will always be nice to him because I'm his mum and that's my job and is not interested in clubs. He's tried a few things like football and scouts but he doesn't want to go. In the last few months he's been playing with a different group of friends at school who he seems to get on better with and asked if one of them could come over after school. I made arrangements with the friends mum but then got a text in the morning saying his friend wouldn't be able to come as he was poorly and wasn't in school. That can't be helped obviously but my son was so upset and said he thought maybe his friend didn't really want to come. I reassured him that he would have genuinely been ill. I don't know what to do. I just want my child to be happy. I feel like a rubbish mum. I think it's probably my fault or that he must take after me. I have depression and anxiety, which can be quite bad at times but I always try to hide it from my kids. I only talk to a few of the mums at school and find it really hard to be social with people.
How can I build my sons confidence and help him come out of his shell?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MaryLizzie · 17/12/2017 18:02

It’s not your fault - there is nobody or nothing to blame.

First thing is to make sure that you rearrange with the parent for the friend to come round.

Then invite another around.

It’s hard work but worth it for your child’s confidence.

I’d do this regularly.

Do you have any neighbours or friends with similar age kids? This is also another way of socialising beyond school.

Finally, you may want to think carefully when it comes to decisions about secondary school (I assume you will be already discussing this) so he makes a decision that he is happy and comfortable with.

As regards the popular thing, I have no idea. It’s sad a boy this young is subject to the idea of popularity bless him!! Maybe some inspirational YouTube videos? Bet there’s some good stuff on there. I’ve also seen positive jars work well - sit together and write things that are positive about him on slips of paper. Put them into a jar. When he is in a low mood, pull one out and read it.

Hope these help

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