4 year old behavioural problems

[Griffomais]

Hi looking for some advice please. I have 2 kids 4 year old girl and 2 year old boy. My daughter is very hard work has been since she was around 18 months old from then until 3 it was awful tantrums every single day and always crying it was very draining. Recently her behaviour has gotten even worse no tantrums just total defiance I could ask her to do something 100 times and she blatantly won't. It's really getting on top of me I feel I spend all my time shouting at her and losing my temper. I know this makes me seems like a terrible Mum but I'm at my wits end. I've contacted my HV on numerous occasions but they just brush me off. Nursery don't have a problem with her behaviour. She has no problems understanding me she's quite clever. I just don't know where I've went wrong. It doesn't help that I suffered badly from PND - people just make the assumption I cannot cope when I try to ask for advice and help. It's slowly tearing me apart. My 2 year old son is the polar opposite in terms of behaviour which makes my daughter's behaviour even more difficult to understand. Is anyone experiencing anuthimg similar?

How was the birth of your DD Griff? Did yiu suffer any birth trauma at all? Have you received any help with your PNI?

Hi - I had a planned c section as she was breech so a pretty calm birth. However had a horrendous birth with my son. I spoke to my GP about my PND was initially prescribed medication and I had 6 counselling sessions. I made a decision not to continue with the medication as it brought a whole lot of other problems to me. I'm so miserable everyday.

I should've said that I had undiagnosed pnd in first pregnancy which lead to AND in second pregnancy and then finally diagnosed after 2nd birth when I broke down at my GP surgery.

Oh Griff that’s sound awful. Have you spoken to APNI or your HV about how you are feeling? Do you have a OH? Does he know how you are feeling too? It might also be worth talking to Birth Trauma UK about your Son’s birth too .

As for her behaviour, have you heard of a book called 123 Magic?

Thank you so much I hadn't heard of Birth Trauma Uk I will look at their website will also find the book. My husband and parents are aware of how I feel but as kind as they are trying to be they are very patronising and very quick to dismiss things as if I simply can't cope. I just can't believe this is how other mum's feel on a daily basis. I must be damaging my kids by the way I'm behaving and maybe that's why my daughter doesn't behave.

None of this is your fault though. It’s well known that both PNI and birth trauma can have a massive effect on how you feel for a long time if left untreated. Are there any PNI groups in your area where you can meet some local Mums? I think our Children’s Centre run one.