I'm a newbie to mumsnet, so hope i am posting in the right place.
Bit of background, my son is nearly 2, screamed constantly as a baby, got diagnosed with cows milk protein allergy at 5 months. It was a really hard few months but i coped, he was everything i had ever wanted. I was one of those Mums who tried really hard to be a good mum, i took him to all the classes, met up with other mums and friends, got out a lot. I did suffer terribly with anxiety but it just made me tired from obsessively checking him when sleeping, stopping the car etc when we were out to check him.
At about 8 months, my son was still really hard work and i started to realise how much harder when i was out with the other mums, lots of screaming, all the other mums sat and chatted with their content babies but mine just rolled or crawled away. He was so desperate to get moving. I started to stop going out by the time he was 1, as i just didnt seem to fit in with the other mums. They would spend their time chatting and catching up while i chased round my child. I dont know how but i just suddenly fell into this hole. I got diagnosed with PND and anxiety and although i didnt realise it at the time, i had probably had it all along, i'd just been putting too much pressure on myself that i hadn't even noticed.
Fast forward a year, i'd been on anti depressants (sertaline), completely isolated myself from all the mums (i have tried but going out is just exhausting, their babies all play together while i spent the entire time trying to stop my son escaping the hall, pulling chairs off stages, opening windows, pulling at plugs, wires or anything else dangerous, or just screaming hysterically until i normally end up leaving, crying in the car and feeling resentful at how lonely i am because i can't take my son anywhere. I try to play with him, with duplo, or drawing with crayons, painting, felt, role play but he's just not interested in anything i do with him and it ends in screaming within 5 minutes of starting it.
I started just taking him out on my own, and this seemed to work better as i could leave if things got too much, but now, at nearly 2 years old, he just screams wherever i take him. I stopped taking the sertraline as the side effects were just too much so i'm not coping well as it is. He's such an unhappy child, i don't understand it, i dont know if it is my fault for being this depressed unhappy mum. He says hardly any words (we used to get mum/dad but don't really even get that now) - we get the odd word and it never gets said again. He cousin is autistic and i wondered if he may have the same but he doesn't seem to show the same symptoms as his cousin did so i just dont know.
Is it normal for a child to to scream alot? not say very much? He just never seems happy, i feel like i dont know what to do anymore. My Health visitor was zero help when he was a baby and after moving house i dont even know who my HV is anymore, i don't get any help from family. Myhusband is normally my rock but even this weekend he has crumbled after being off work for the last 10 days and having to listen to the screaming. I don't know what to do anymore.