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Is it supposed to be this hard?

8 replies

Noodles31 · 10/12/2017 20:35

I'm a newbie to mumsnet, so hope i am posting in the right place.

Bit of background, my son is nearly 2, screamed constantly as a baby, got diagnosed with cows milk protein allergy at 5 months. It was a really hard few months but i coped, he was everything i had ever wanted. I was one of those Mums who tried really hard to be a good mum, i took him to all the classes, met up with other mums and friends, got out a lot. I did suffer terribly with anxiety but it just made me tired from obsessively checking him when sleeping, stopping the car etc when we were out to check him.

At about 8 months, my son was still really hard work and i started to realise how much harder when i was out with the other mums, lots of screaming, all the other mums sat and chatted with their content babies but mine just rolled or crawled away. He was so desperate to get moving. I started to stop going out by the time he was 1, as i just didnt seem to fit in with the other mums. They would spend their time chatting and catching up while i chased round my child. I dont know how but i just suddenly fell into this hole. I got diagnosed with PND and anxiety and although i didnt realise it at the time, i had probably had it all along, i'd just been putting too much pressure on myself that i hadn't even noticed.

Fast forward a year, i'd been on anti depressants (sertaline), completely isolated myself from all the mums (i have tried but going out is just exhausting, their babies all play together while i spent the entire time trying to stop my son escaping the hall, pulling chairs off stages, opening windows, pulling at plugs, wires or anything else dangerous, or just screaming hysterically until i normally end up leaving, crying in the car and feeling resentful at how lonely i am because i can't take my son anywhere. I try to play with him, with duplo, or drawing with crayons, painting, felt, role play but he's just not interested in anything i do with him and it ends in screaming within 5 minutes of starting it.

I started just taking him out on my own, and this seemed to work better as i could leave if things got too much, but now, at nearly 2 years old, he just screams wherever i take him. I stopped taking the sertraline as the side effects were just too much so i'm not coping well as it is. He's such an unhappy child, i don't understand it, i dont know if it is my fault for being this depressed unhappy mum. He says hardly any words (we used to get mum/dad but don't really even get that now) - we get the odd word and it never gets said again. He cousin is autistic and i wondered if he may have the same but he doesn't seem to show the same symptoms as his cousin did so i just dont know.

Is it normal for a child to to scream alot? not say very much? He just never seems happy, i feel like i dont know what to do anymore. My Health visitor was zero help when he was a baby and after moving house i dont even know who my HV is anymore, i don't get any help from family. Myhusband is normally my rock but even this weekend he has crumbled after being off work for the last 10 days and having to listen to the screaming. I don't know what to do anymore.

OP posts:
minipie · 10/12/2017 22:09

That sounds tough. Are you registered with a GP? If so I would suggest asking them who your HV is and start there. He should be due a 2 year check anyway and is one of the key things they look for (not saying he has autism necessarily, eg other allergies is a possibility, or he could just be one of those kids who needs to get older!)

If the HV is crap then I'd suggest trying a GP appointment.

It may help to take in some video of his behaviour which you think is very different or difficult, and give them an estimate of how much he is like that per day.

minipie · 10/12/2017 22:09

sorry that should say "autism is one of the key things"

LuckyinOctober · 10/12/2017 22:23

That sounds tough. I’d also start with gp - have you had any talking therapy or just anti depressants? You sound from your post like someone good at expressing thoughts and feelings which might mean it could be worth considering? Also wondering if you need more practical support but gp could help you work that out and refer or signpost you if that’s right for you. Hugs. Also, my DD is very active and into everything and probably more than most - it could be just the way your son is rather than mean there’s a problem, but I get that it’s hard work and you sound like you need support.

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 11/12/2017 18:45

Hello @Noodles31 and welcome to MN Smile

What yiu are experiencing does indeed sound tough and it’s no wonder you are finding things hard to deal with.

I’ll try to go through all of the points you mentioned, but please forgive me if I don’t cover everything.

First is the CMPA? Does he still have symptoms like a swelly tummy, stinky farts or mucus in his poo? I have CMPA and am truly miserable when I’m having a reaction and it can affect behaviour in your gonna children. Is he under a Paeditrician and a Paediatric Dietician?

Next his language. My DD wasn’t really talking at 2 either. I think you can self refer to Speech and Language Therapy. If you’ve managed to contact your HV yet you could ask her about a referral or try asking at your GPs surgery. The first thing they did with my DD was to get her a hearing test, just to rule out low hearing. I think you can self refer for this too.

I’ve been on Sertraline and I can understand you wanting to come off it but I think you may need some extra support. Do you think that contacting the apni helpline would help?

If you aren’t getting any family help, would you be able to put him in nursery for a couple of sessions a week for some respite? Would the free childcare at 2 years be available to you?

Codlet · 11/12/2017 20:48

This does sound harder than it ‘should’ be. I agree with other posters - take him to the GP. And please don’t blame yourself.

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic · 12/12/2017 08:45

How are you today @Noodles31? Have you managed to talk to your GP or locate your HV? Smile

Mummy247D · 19/12/2017 20:44

Sorry I can’t be much help but my son who is 19 months sounds very similar. I was always and still am that mum that has to step on egg shells with my son because he is very temperamental at times, especially when I take him to toddler groups! I try to make sure I get him out and socialised but it really isn’t enjoyable as it always ends in a meltdown... I think some toddlers are just harder than others and need time to just get older and more understanding. He was also diagnosed with cmpa as a Baby and reflux. He’s amazing and can be such a sweet little boy but he has always been hard work since day 1. My theory is that things can only get easier for us! I’m sure in time when they can explain their feelings it will get a little easier. X

Imaginosity · 20/12/2017 23:03

My son was a grumpy baby. He was diagnosed with aspergers at age 5. Now he is 8 and doing very well and is generally very happy and enjoys life. He is doing well in school with the right adjustments and some understanding. I'm not saying your son has autism but I suppose its a possibility. Then again it could just be a phase - I've known a few grumpy babies who turned out just fine in the end.

Have you had a look at this?
www.firstsigns.org/downloads/m-chat.PDF

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