CRYING FRENZY JUST BEFORE SLEEP. HELP!

[hazlinh]

All this is probably my own fault but can anyone help? the only way dd (5 mth) will fall asleep now is by nursing. she has such a horrible time trying to get to sleep otherwise, howling her little eyes out and no matter what i do - patting her, sing a lullaby, bathing before bedtime etc, it all doesn't work.she will howl like a banshee and the neighbours must think we abuse her! nursing her to sleep is the only peaceful and calming way for her. otherwise she just works herself up into a frenzy.any ideas?i doubt controlled crying would work. we sort of tentatively tried it but to no avail.the only thing that might work is just feeding her LOTS and LOTS of milk just before bedtime and I'm not sure if that's advisable. dunno if this is relevant but she suffered horribly from colic up to abt 3 mths old and as a result never wanted to be put down or left alone.still is slightly dependent in that sense.but this 'sleep nightmare' has suddenly gotten worse over the past one week. We've also moved house, is she disconcerted by unfamiliar surroundings??

hazlinh, how is she during the night? Can she settle herself back to sleep if she wakes up? And what about nap times? I ask because the great controlled crying guru Richard Ferber says that if a child under 1 goes to sleep at night by nursing but otherwise sleeps well one need not necessarily see that as a 'sleep problem.' I nursed my dd to sleep until she was about 13 months old at which point she was that bit older and able to understand more clearly about bedtime. I also made sure that from about 9 months old she went down for her naps awake and could get to sleep on her own. Most people don't seriously try controlled crying until after 6 months and maybe later depending on the temperament of the child. But I must say it DOES usually work when done at the right time, even if it's agonising for a couple of days. Although I nursed dd to sleep for a long time it never caused any sleep problems, she did learn to go to sleep on her own without our having to do cc. We just gradually swapped a breast feed for a story and a cuddle with a cup of milk and she'd go down awake and doze off. So don't worry too much that you're causing a sleep problem just yet. If I were you I'd enjoy the closeness, let your dd go to sleep in milky bliss for now, and rethink in a few months time.

I would agree with strangerthanfiction. At 5 months I was still breastfeeding dd to sleep, at bedtime and daytime naps. At about 9 months it didn't work any more so I left her awake and checked on her every 10 minutes or so to reassure her (not intentionally controlled crying, although she did cry and the first two nights were the worse). After a few days and lots more books at bedtime she settled down and started napping beautifully during the day, too. However, even the best sleepers go through unsettled phases - don't worry about it lasting forever.

Just agreeing with the previous posts. My ds, 8 mos is nursed to sleep. He never used to be as I didn't want to create any sleep problems. Ah, those idealistic days. Then it just evolved as he had fewer feeds as his solid food consumption increased. Around 5.5 mos I did do cc as his routines in total were up the spout following an extended holiday at my parents. Only thing I'd say is that if you are going to do cc, then you must be committed to following it through. No point in being tentative about it. Eg, it may be considered 'cruel' to start the cc, baby cries for 30 mins, then mum gives in and nurses baby. So baby has had to cry for 30 mins to get what it wants/needs. That was the bit I found most difficult. Luckily dh was holding my hand as I was bawling too. It really was only 2 days of 'pain' but it got us back on track. I found it horrible though. Ear plugs help. God I probably sound like Cruella ...hope this reads OK. Ds is a great little sleeper and even though he is nursed to sleep, he can settle himself back once he wakes up. Sometimes he'll have a little grisle but is back off after a minute or so. I wish I had been more relaxed about this issue when ds was younger. What does your instinct tell you to do?

hi there. thanks for all the advice. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one, and I'm not necessarily 'creating a sleep problem' as such! I do feel we are both NOT ready to suddenly abandon the nursing-to-sleep habit, she is still just a little baby and cc does seem horribly cruel at this point.And she does settle herself ok during the night if she wakes, and naptimes are perfectly ok, she just sort of falls asleep by herself during the day. I don't know what it is about night-time bedtimes that troubles her!!
I think I will wait a little bit longer and see how it goes. thanks everyone!

hazlinh, don't worry. You are not creating a lifelong problem. I bfed my ds to sleep until he was 11 mo. old and he is now 3.5 and goes to bed on his own (after a story from daddy) in his own bed and has done since he was 11 mo. I bfed my dd to sleep until about 6 mo. and started giving her a bottle after that. She is now 22 mo. and also goes to sleep on her own (as long as she has a bottle of water) in her own bed and sleeps through the night. Of course, when we travel or the children are sick these routines are disturbed and we may get a few nights of needing an extra cuddle or time in our bed. Every child is different. Do what works for you and your baby and don't worry, it will all work out fine.