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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

So when DO tantrums start?

19 replies

strangerthanfiction · 20/07/2004 22:15

Dd, 21 months, hasn't yet had what I'd call a proper tantrum. But I can sense she's near to having one, her fuse is getting shorter daily. What sort of age have other kids started them? Are they very frequent? Someone said to me that if they don't have tantrums before 2ish that they'll have killer ones by about 3. Is this a myth?

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charliecat · 20/07/2004 22:20

I had one dd who had tantrums from about 9 months onwards. She used to bang her head off off the nearest object if she couldnt get her own way, these developed into 3 hour paddys at 3/4 and now at 6 and a half she still throws wobblys once a week or so.
Next dd didnt have any tempers till about 3 and even then they are VERY VERY mild and she can be coaxed out of them and the longest one has so far been 30 mins. She has developed a Kevin the Teenager type attitude from around 1pmish when shes tired but there is no comparision between this and the eldest daughter full scale riot tantrums.
Some do and some dont ive decided. And your lucky if you get one that doesnt.

poppyseed · 20/07/2004 22:23

Nope! They continue to 4 and really master them by 5!!
Only joking!! DD had them around 2ish and they were really very short and not too much to worry about. As long as you know how you are going to handle them from the start and continue as you mean I think that they die a death tbh. At 3 they were calculated and more verbal and on occasion by 4 they were then more of a hysterical outburst with lots of tears, answering back and general rudeness. Now at 5 she is a delight (mostly!!) All this to look forward to !!

Original poster

strangerthanfiction · 21/07/2004 09:54

Thanks guys, that's kind of reassuring ...

Is it common that they don't really start until 2 and over?

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tamum · 21/07/2004 10:09

My ds didn't have them at all until he was 3 (what I would really call tantrums as opposed to just crying for a long time about something). Dd is 6 and has never had a real tantrum in her life, so it's not inevitable! (lucky me ) She gets cross, but that's as bad as it gets.

Ghosty · 21/07/2004 10:30

I think DS had a couple of tantrums when he was 2 but really most of the time I felt that somehow, miraculously, I had missed the 'Terrible Twos' ... he really was a fantastic toddler ...
And then he turned 3 and a half ................ and then I found out about the xxxxxxx fours ...... nuf said

gothicmama · 21/07/2004 10:31

No it's not a myth it is happenning in our house now - looking forward to *** fours have told dh I am leaving home for a year

nutcracker · 21/07/2004 10:33

My Ds started having them at about 10mths. He tends to follow very much after Dd2 who is still quite a nightmare really.

He gets really really frustrated if things don't go his way.

Twiglett · 21/07/2004 10:46

message withdrawn

Fio2 · 21/07/2004 10:49

my son who is the king of tantrums (i feel) started tantrumming very young. I am sure he used to tantrum when he was a baby if he didnt get his own way.

Fio2 · 21/07/2004 10:49

LOL twiglet, that is so true!

marialuisa · 21/07/2004 11:11

Well DD is 3y5m and so far no tantrums-she's clearly saving it up for something REALLY important. TBH I think she's more of a sulker than a tantrum queen though, following daddy rather than mummy.

Piffleoffagus · 21/07/2004 11:14

Neither of mine have been tantrummers, as yet... ds is 10 now and dd is 21 mths, she is so easy going it's nt funny.
God I have been blessed...

Original poster

strangerthanfiction · 21/07/2004 11:41

Gosh, they're all so different aren't they? My brother was a nightmare tantrummer and I, apparently, didn't have a single one. I don't think dd is going to take after me though alas as her little temper is definitely beginning to flare now and then!

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Chandra · 21/07/2004 11:43

normally start when you less expect them and at the worst possible time...

discordia · 21/07/2004 11:57

They can start as early as 6 am in my house. IME, age 3 - 4 is worse than 2 y.o. As you said, stf, they're all different.

StickyNote · 21/07/2004 12:10

I felt so smug when ds was 2 as he didn't tantrum at all - thought the terrible twos were something that we'd escaped, probably due to my excellent parenting . Then he turned 3...

DD1 is now 3.5 and has been having nuclear type tantrums since she was 2.

DD2 is 16 months and the potential is there..

All I can say is they're all very different and if you get one that doesn't tantrum, thank your lucky stars!

LHP · 21/07/2004 12:38

I think "tantrum" means diff things to diff people. I've got a friend with a 2yo dd who according to her is "always" tantrumming, but whenever I've seem her, I would describe it as slightly narked/understandably frustrated. People probably think ds is tantrumming when he is expressing unmeetable desires in the supermarket . I think it can be a bit like competitive sleep deprivation with some people, their child has to have the biggest and most spectacular meltdowns!(Well my friend is like that anyway!)Remember as well that after the first one, you quickly learn how much to ignore/disract/comfort/ignore and even how to head one off (well not every time obviously)

StickyNote · 21/07/2004 12:59

To me, a tantrum is the full heel drumming, screaming, totally out of control number which you can't distract them out of, you just have to let pass (easier said than done).

Original poster

strangerthanfiction · 21/07/2004 14:28

Yes, I always assumed a tantrum was a full-blown out of control affair. I've seen quite a few. So far dd gets frustrated and angry and holds her head in anger saying 'no no no' about things but I know that's not a tantrum. Well, guess I'll have to wait and see.

Thanks for the tips everyone!

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