My 11 year old daughters behaviour

[Bobbush]

Please help I hate feeling the way I do! I am having trouble with my daughter, she is 11 an only child and I just can not cope with her any more. She is constantly back chatting and has no respect what so ever for any one or any thing. I only have to say something to her and she jumps down my throat and wonders why I end up shouting at her. This is all day everyday (except when she is at school) and I just cant do it any more. I dont like spending any time with her because its just not pleasant and at times she is violent towards me, I don’t know what to do with her anymore. Taking things away from her or grounding her doesn’t work. It’s not just me she is the same with her dad we try to help with homework or ask if there is something wrong or why does she act like she does and all we get is “go away leave me alone.” I am contemplating going to the GP and/or social services to see if they can help. Im losing the will to be a parent any more and its not fair on her but I just don’t know how to help or get through to her. I feel so depressed all the time it’s making me ill and I hate that I take things out on my husband he is great and works so hard and doesn’t deserve coming home to a unpleasant home because I am arguing with my daughter, usually about something really trivial. What can I do?..........

Sorry I can’t really be of much help but I was wondering if anything had changed recently. Like has this started since she started high school?

Hi Bobbush - your story strikes a chord with me. My daughter is 10-and-a-half, only child, and I'm divorced (although she stays with her dad one or two nights per week). I'm seriously contemplating taking her to the GP (again - she didn't tell him anything last time she went) as now she is not only really horrible to me and particularly my partner, she also cries constantly but point blank refuses to say why. Last night I sat with her for a total of about an hour just trying to get her to tell me why she wouldn't stop sobbing. She started her periods too, immediately after her 10th birthday. She thinks she's fat. Has bad skin. The problem is, she is so prickly there could be something SERIOUSLY bad happening (e.g. abuse, bullying, etc) and I wouldn't know, as she's like this all the time!! Having spoken to a few people with older daughters, I'm coming to the conclusion that it's "just" hormones. In the meantime, we all have to walk on eggshells...

Nothing has changed and she has been like this since before starting comp. We do think that she as some form of OCD as everything has to be just right like toys or teddies in the correct place on her bed or the cover tucked in just so, if it’s not she can break down in tears and you’d think it was the end of the world. So we are contemplating wether to take her to the doctor or not! It is so frustrating as we only need to say one word and she just shouts “ I know” or “ leave me alone” really wish I knew why she breaks down like this!

Google Aspergers in girls - especially Tony Attwood's work.

Autism is a pervasive developmental disorder and you haven't discussed many areas of your DD's development or how it affects other areas of her life so it may be well wide of the mark.

Check out the book teenagers translated.

A friend of mine gave me some excellent advice ....

1. pick your battles
2. don’t always feel you have to have the last word .

It works !
But .... there is a fine line , the line is crossed when things get personal .
I don’t mind if my 14dd says to me go away or rols her eyes , I don’t mind if she tells me I’m irritating 😬.
And to leave her alone but when she says something very offensive (like she did the other day ) 😡.
I take her mobile phone away ! 😏.
Does your daughter have a mobile ?
Make sure that she hands it over when she gets home from school , give it back to her for an hour then take it back again .
My daughter won’t be getting hers back for a while ! 🤨.
Re the OCD .... show her pictures of really messy rooms ( like my dd’s 🤕) .... then hopefully she won’t worry so much x