Agressive behaviour, kid of close friend, tricky situation

[Peaceonearthplease]

We are facing a tricky situation with the DD of our close friends and would be interested to see what MN can advise. The DD is reception age and is quite domineering and aggressive (shouting, pushing, hair pulling, spitting) towards our DD who is one year older. We socialise a lot with the family and consider them very close friends but the situation between the kids is causing me some concern. My DD understandably does not want to play with her but we live close by, car share & are supportively involved in each others lives. My friend, who is a sweetheart, is aware of her daughter’s behaviour & manages her very gently & patiently without ever raising a voice, imposing tough consequences etc. The bad behaviour is getting worse I’m stuck about what to do. Thoughts on similar experiences gratefully received.

This is such a tricky one. Personally I’d have a word with your friend. Not in a judgemental way, obviously, but say “Listen, Friend, this is really embarrassing and I hate to say it to you. But DD doesn’t want to come and play with your DD today. I think it’s because of when she last time. I’m so sorry. I can’t think what to do, but she got quite upset about it so I don’t think it would be right to make her go” and see what your friend says.

Thanks Catalufa. I think we are at exactly that point. It’s really tricky because I value the closeness of our friendship but I think I’m going to have to keep my DD away. I can see that my friend is struggling a bit with managing her DD and I don’t want to heap on more stress. She’s so lovely but her DD is a handful. I wish it was a phase but she’s always been boisterous and it’s now turning into bullying behaviour.