My DD will be 3 years old in a few weeks, but she hasn’t really developed past 2. She was always a very vacant baby and toddler, very withdrawn and extremely sensitive to random things. This has got a bit better but she still doesn’t act like other kids.
She was way way behind on all her milestones, only learning to talk after 2 years old. 12 months later and it’s still near impossible to decipher what she’s saying most of the time. She also repeats nearly everything she says eg ‘Mummy, what you doing Mummy, what you doing?’ She spends most of her days whimpering, whinging, or crying. When I ask her what’s wrong, she says ‘Don’t know’. She will also religiously cry when she thinks it’s beftime, when I’m washing/brushing her hair, or when I’m brushing her teeth. (When I say cry, I mean totally lose it). She decides each week that she’s all of a sudden terrified of certain toys - this week she freaked out when she saw the Elmo toy that’s been sitting above her bed for the past year!
My biggest concern, however, is that she has no coordination so always manages to hurt herself in silly ways and has zero problem solving/common sense skills. When I asked her to get her coat off a little hook, for example, she just pulled the coat downwards. When I explained how to lift the coat up and off the hook, she just tugged on the metal hook itself - she gave up in the end. Similarly, yesterday she got off the toilet and I told her to get back on it; she had no idea how to do it. I directed her to get her little step; she didn’t, and instead chose to hide behind the bathroom door. (Also be aware that after toilet training her for 4 months, she still just doesn’t get it). I have also been tying for about 4 months to get her to say please when asking for things- she hasn’t done it once and persists with ‘need X Mummy’.
My DD isn’t interested in toys either, despite having loads! Instead she wants to follow me around all day, and will choose to sit and watch me doing chores over playing with her toys. At the age of 3, this doesn’t seem normal..
Then when she is naughty, which she has really cranked up recently, she doesn’t respond to discipline. She will refuse to look at me, get upset, but then switch back to normal and act like she’s completely forgotten she’s just been told off.
Food is another source of frustration. She has always ate and slept amazingly, but she still can’t use a fork and just wolfs everything down super fast with her fingers - yep even peas, spaghetti etc.. she’s the only one out of her and her step-sister (just turned 4) who needs a bib as she makes a mess like a baby.
She was born premature and I was in an abusive relationship. He would yell at me when I was in my third trimester, so she would have heard that. Since she was a tiny baby she was terrified of men, and was really horrible to my current partner for ages. (Luckily she appears to have got over that and follows him around now)
It’s really worrying me, especially given the fact that I have a 6month old daughter with my current partner and she is super bright - rolling at 6weeks, crawling and trying to stand up at 6months, and has the mannerisms, awareness, and coordination of an adult. My stepdaughter (4) is also a really advanced child and I remember her being worlds ahead of my DD last year. My DD, however, still wants to be a baby and crawls around saying Mama. Given her father was abusive (and an absolutely moron), and my current partner is about to start his PhD, does she just not have intelligent genes..?
While I’m able to have fully intelligible conversations with my 4 year old step-daughter and she can take herself off and have imaginary play, my DD is still clinging to me and acting like a baby - grabbing at everything, from post in the mailbox, to remotes and phones, to bits of cardboard on the side. Why hasn’t she grown out of needing to grab every little thing?
I know a lot of parents like to pretend all children are born equal, but it’s fact that some babies become Nobel Prize winning physicists, and others don’t have the same capabilities.. As a parent, I already know in my heart they’re going to need very difficult schools and support to meet their different levels of potential.
I have been trying to be super patient with her, even when she’s being ridiculous for no reason, but it’s so hard. I just want her to act and talk like the rest of the kids her age, particularly before she starts primary school!
I took her to a child psychologist because everything I google about her returns with AUSTISM AUTISM AUTISM, but she said at first glance she didn’t seem to have extreme autism because her eye contact was good when communicating. (She doesn’t give me good eye contact so I’m not convinced)
I really don’t want to put my child in a category which will define them, but I can’t carry on acting like this is normal toddler behaviour. My older brother has been autistic all my life, but my mother was the only one who refused to see it - so nothing was ever done about it. After paying for him to go to LA to do a pointless internship, funding his Masters which he never used, and paying for him to travel Europe every birthday, my parents bought him a £500k London flat despite the fact he’d never had a job (at age 30). I refuse to be that kind of parent as they need to live in the real world and make their own success!
I’m tearing my head out and I just want my DD to stop acting like a baby in a 3 year olds body. I’m tired of spending my day saying ‘Stop,’ ‘Say please,’ and ‘Talk in a normal voice’. It’s been a year and she’s not learning anything I teach her! I need for her to stop whining and just be happy and have fun!