Help - 7 year old D'S back chat and I Can't stay calm despite trying

[yummyeclair]

My 7 year old D'S is relentless with his back chat , attitude, arguing, whining, moaning. I dread each day now as his behaviour makes doing anything miserable. I cry when he is at school because I have now lost my patience and just end up shouting at him . He is well behaved at school but the opposite at home. TBH I now really don't like him. He has always been moody but never constantly. I have tried reward charts, humour , doing more with him .e.g today I asked him to put on his coat to collect his brother and he argued that I did not know that it was cold and carried on saying down the street as we walked how just because I am a grown up I don't know and how wrong I am and just kept on and on until I lost my calm and for the first time told him to shut up. I shocked myself and felt really guilty. I feel really worn down as I had not expected this much teenage behaviour so soon. My DH thinks it is normal kids pushing boundaries and me being too weak in that I don't stay calm. Never thought I would hate being a mum my other D'S is very sweet and doesn't have this behaviour and he is only 14 months younger. Sorry for the very long rant.

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He wants to be more independent, so let him make some of the choices and bite your lip if the choices are daft. Only rule: no moaning about the consequences.

We have had a roasting hot August day doing a massive tourist programme in a thick jumper and black jeans and a winter day in a hoodie. No moaning allowed and the day's plans continue regardless. This applies to lots of things. Don't want to eat? Fine by me, but kitchen is closed until dinner once lunch is over. Don't want to get up? Well, I do have time for breakfast, you may or may not.

I will do the no moaning rule . What really gets to me is that he has to gave the last word and follow m&s me around but I think the no moaning rule will help nip it in the bud. Also I guess we would have more fun and laughs at this stage rather than me having lost my sense of humour.

Sorry for the typos , using phone keyboard.

The hardest bit: you must not say "I told you so". Or perhaps you can if he breaks the "no moan" rule . Talk it through with him before, he is probably not enjoying it either. See what he says, he might like it. Make it clear this is about growing up, one day he will leave home and make all the decisions and can't moan at his boss if he's cold in December flip-flops.

For things you have to enforce (traffic safety, movies he is too young for, school uniform etc), it is ok to say something like "this decision is final". Don't see it as backchat, but an attempt to get his viewpoint across. Make clear when he can and when he can't do that.

I was struggling with shutting him down as I want him to be able to talk about things but now I realise he needs clear consistent rules and me changing my mindset and not calling it back chat will improve things.