8yo dd wants to kill herself

[Dougledust]

I have read similar threads but as ever all from slightly different angles. Really hoping you can help. 95% of the time my dd is a sporty, social child who is doing well at school. Last year she started having melt downs. Now they are becoming regular (a few times a week). Generally she is angry with herself (I am fat, hits her head, I want to die, kill me, you don't love me otherwise you would kill me) sometimes she turns it on me, once she pulled a knife on me. I have no doubt she would not have used it, it was just there at the time. I just don't know how to break the process she goes through. Often I can see it start, she has been caught being naughty, or is frustrated and feels she is letting herself or me down. But how to break the cycle? I have tried being rationale during and after, holding her and saying I love her, star charts, just saying STOP NOW. I tried to distract her (this seems to work best) but generally she won't be distracted. Please help

Sounds like my DD who is 11. Suddenly started having violent meltdowns, paired with anxiety. I think my DD is bottling up feelings- could that be your DD too?

The situation is very tough for you both. ask your GO for a referral to the child and mental health service (camhs). An appointment may take some time to come through so ask for details of the emergency service (I think it’s self referral)!if she tries to get a knife again.

In the meantime can you speak to her school as they should have a member of staff who can help.

you could also speak to children’s services at the local council as they would be aware of what services there are in the local area.

Hi, ty for responding. quite possibly true. Though when asked (once she has calmed down) she says she feels anxious about letting me down.

Rose ty. That is something I will look into.

I have gone through the GP / CAMHS route, but there is a six month waiting list in my area- such a lack of mental health services available for this age group! We are going to see a private psychotherapist but it's expensive. I'm just thinking that DD will open up better to someone else and if we can find out what's causing the behaviour then we can help her control it.

DD has used the Kooth website, and I bought her a book Hello Happy. There's also the Young Minds site which I found useful. I rang Young Minds more for me, it's just awful seeing your kid like this. I get very stressed and upset myself! I hope you find the support you need .

Ooo ty, I will look the up. She wants to sort it, and it is just finding a way to break that chain reaction! I am currently ty listening in to the explosive child hoping that may be a solution for us

A couple of thought for things to try at home - it may help if you can try to tackle the anxietes and avoid some of the trigger situations before she gets to the meltdown stage, and not worry much about what happens during the meltdown itself, just focus on keeping everyone safe until it's over. Children often find it too difficult to control themselves once they are close to/in meltdown - there are self-calming strategies but children don't usually have that much self-control til they are older. Explosive Child (if you mean the Ross Greene website and book?) is very good for dealing with (many kinds of) meltdowns before they start.

One small thing caught my eye... when you say that she has been "caught being naughty" could you mentally re-frame what she is doing as something other than "being naughty"? Maybe she has made a mistake, or forgotten the rules, or she is breaking the rules on purpose because she is angry, or because she very much wants something you don't want her to have, or she is trying to please her friends, or reacting against a sibling, or just because an eight year old's priorities are different from adults'. And re-frame what you (or other adults) are doing as something other than "catching" her? The idea that people are ready and waiting to "catch her being naughty" may be part of her anxiety and then she feels ashamed and the meltdown starts. If you can re-frame misbehaviour in some other way that might avoid a trigger and help stop the cycle.

Kleinzeit- ty for taking the time to respond. Very fair points. Part of me says they are one of the same thing just worded differently. However having spoken with her last night about rephrasing something into a positive and the impact it has on the brain I know you are right. Ty