Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

The Getting Dressed Fight

23 replies

taffy101 · 13/04/2007 21:26

3 yo dd refuses to get dressed EVERY morning. I can't remember how long its been going on - forever i think.
We have reward chart 5x= a play on the computer
This is not enough bribery.

Time out doesn't work - after 3 minutes in room, she asks for another 3 minutes.

Confiscation of toys used to work, ie when she gets dressed without fuss she gets some back. Two days ago it took 2 hours to get her dressed. I started with 'its time to get dressed now, if you do it nicely you'll get Clifford back and a smiley face on your chart'
NO
Conversation carried on quite calmly for a while, with confiscation of wendy house (had worked previous day), all books in bedroom, cd player, until she was actually laughing and passing me toys and books. Had to threaten to throw easter eggs away in the end.
Her bedroom is virtually bare now. Last night she wanted her cd player on at bedtime so dh said she could have it back if she promised to get dressed without a fuss in the morning. NO - she decided she'd rather not have cd player on.
Past 2 days dh has dressed her while she kicked him, etc. Don't think i could physically do that.
I do feel its turned into an attention seeking thing - might try ignoring her tomorrow morning, see how long it takes her to get bored and decide to get dressed of her own free will.
Any suggestions welcome.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Othersideofthechannel · 13/04/2007 22:08

No suggestions just to say I know what you're going through. Sometimes DS is motivated by his pasta jar or silly games, but some days he just does NOT want to get dressed. The one thing that works on those days is shouting and even though I warn him a shout is coming, I hate it because it upsets me and makes him cry.
I am sure it is an attention seeking thing and as we had plenty of time before school yesterday, I tried leaving him to it. He spent 30 minutes lying on the bathroom floor next to his clothes, nothing to play with! I ended up having to shout anyway!
I hope you have more success.
I actually prefer the days when he wakes up soaking having peed beyong the capacity of his nappy because then he cooperates with being stripped and dressed while still a bit sleepy. Changing the bed/washing the wet bedclothes is sooo much easier then going through the dressing rigmarole.

MuminBrum · 13/04/2007 22:09

Why do you need to get her dressed? If you're not going out, it would surely be easier to leave her in her nightclothes.

Frascati · 13/04/2007 22:12

I would say take all of the attention off the not getting dressed. Your dd is playing you up big time and loves all of the attention (as they all do!!!)
How about a kitchen timer, so give her 5 minutes to get ready.

Have to say though I still struggle with my nearly 8 yr old and 9 yr old. I have threatened to take dd to school in her pjs with a dirty face and teeth before now lol

Original poster

taffy101 · 13/04/2007 22:12

I am going to try not getting her dressed tomoz, but I do need to go out at least once a day to take dog for a walk. Other days there's playgroup, shopping, life, etc, etc

OP posts:

Original poster

taffy101 · 13/04/2007 22:13

lol frascati - dd starts school in sept and i was lying in bed awake the other night wandering if the school would play along with me and let her go in her pjs!

OP posts:

custy · 13/04/2007 22:15

dont dress them

sunnysideup · 13/04/2007 22:26

It sounds like it's turned into a power struggle between you and no self respecting 3 yr old is going to let go of that in a hurry.

i think you need to completely and totally lighten up on her about it. She is only 3, there may be many days where you can if absolutely necessary take her out in pj's. I'd make my only approach about dressing for now, completely light hearted, have a race with her and see if she can win the dressing race, tell her you've decided that only people who are dressed are getting a cake from the shop, tell her some elves left her some magical clothes in the night which will make her a princess, anything stupid like that so long as it's genuinely light hearted and you just shrug your shoulders and smile if she doesn't engage with it.

Let her choose clothes and let her put them on herself so far as she is able, she might want some independence. Can she wear fancy dress-ish stuff and be a character for the day?

But I definitely think you want to stop now with the confiscating things and treating it as a big discipline thing.

and nothing works all the time, so don't pressure yourself. My dh is brilliant at getting ds dressed, has a whole repertoire of strategies including a bum biter who can't bite through underpants and a tickle monster who can't tickle through socks etc etc....but some days it's just difficult. But we definitely find that not making an issue of it and goofing around like mad are the most effective.

Smee · 15/04/2007 21:30

I walked away from the daily fights and now am very matter of fact, so walk away as though it doesn't matter. Thing that makes it work for us is having an absolute rule that he can't have breakfast or come downstairs until he's dressed. We're not at all fierce about this, it's just how it is, so he doesn't even begin to challenge it. In the end, he gets bored by himself and hungry, so always calls out. Sometimes takes half an hour, but more often than not now it's only a minute or so. Root of it is he likes the power of being the one in charge (or at least that's what he thinks).

Original poster

taffy101 · 15/04/2007 21:31

Yesterday was weird, dd put up no fight to get dressed for first time in ages - must have been my body language having an 'am i bovvered?' air about it.
However today she point blank refused and i could not be bothered with the stress and took her out on a 4 hour shopping trip round the town centre in her pjs! she was not bothered at all.

Wonder what tomorrow will bring. Should i take her to playgroup in pjs?

OP posts:

Original poster

taffy101 · 15/04/2007 21:34

smee - how do you stop him coming downstairs? i sometimes try to do that with dd but she comes down and tries to make me laugh and generally acts silly. Suppose i need a stair gate really.

OP posts:

fryalot · 15/04/2007 21:34

Don't know whether this helps, but I have had the same thing with my dd2, who is a little bit younger than yours, but close enough.

She now knows that I will allow her to wear whatever she wants in the house (even if it is nothing) if she is in the garden she must at least have pjs on, and if we are going out, she has to have real clothes on.

Don't have an answer as to what you should do tomorrow, but perhaps if you talk to her and get her to agree to wear clothes if you have to leave the house........?

Pruni · 15/04/2007 21:37

Message withdrawn

mamma2kids · 16/04/2007 12:45

Mine go to nursery so have to get dressed, won't do it himself though. I just get him dressed as quick as possible otherwise the whole thing turns into a big deal and spoils the day.

Smee · 16/04/2007 14:20

taffy101 - have always done it, but he did rebel when he was about two. We just used to calmly pick him up and put him back upstairs - and yes he kicked and screamed, but it only took a couple of days and he soon got the message that a) it didn't wind me up b) he went back upstairs regardless. In other words, I suppose I just made it not worth his while to come down as there was no point. Worked for us, but who knows..

Lazycow · 16/04/2007 14:32

Oh someone else with this problem too.

Ds is only 2.6 but he does this a lot. I am not bothered if he wants to stay in pyjamas all day if we are in but most days we have to go out and as he isn't potty trained yet so we have the issue of him not wanting to put on a new nappy in the morning before we even start on the clothes.

I have done the forced dress quite a lot tbh - especially on work days because that is the only way I know how to get him to do it. I've tried negotiation, games etc and the thing that works best (though only sometimes) is games, distraction and being light-hearted as much as I can.

I am struggling with it though and am beginning to dread mornings because of it.

On the few occasions that I have left him to decide himself when he wants to get dressed we have taken nearly 4 hours to get him dressed and out (7am - 11am) by which time it was almost time to come back and have lunch. All I wanted to do was go to the shops and the park but as it took so long we only went to the shops. Ds was not happy at missing the park but that was a natural consequence for him.

MerryMarigold · 16/04/2007 14:36

We have a song called "The getting dressed-y" sung to the tune of the Hokey Kokey....

"You put your left foot in, your right foot in [trousers], in, in ,in ....you shake them all about...
Woooooooooah the Getting Dressedy, Woooooooah the Getting Dressedy...

etc.etc. make it up as you go along

bodiddly · 16/04/2007 15:24

My ds is 2 so a bit younger than yours but has played up about getting dressed for months now. We have to get up and out of the house pretty quickly as I have to get to work and he has to go to nursery. The only way I have found that works is to get at least his top half dressed whilst he is still in his cot (that way he can only run a short way away from me). I am then half way there by the time he is roaming around. But he knows that he cannot go downstairs until he is dressed and that if he refuses to get dressed then I will go downstairs without him (which he hates!). Most of the time I rely on books etc to distract him whilst I try to get his nappy changed and his bottom half done as quickly as possible. It is definitely easier in this warm weather with just shorts and socks!

Original poster

taffy101 · 19/04/2007 21:47

bodiddly lol at chasing him round cot! too bad dds in a bed!
Yesterday i decided we were going nowhere till she got dressed. I told her this and she wasn't bothered so i did loads of housework (for once). At lunchtime i said only people who get dressed have lunch and by 2pm the hunger had got to her (bad mum)and she went and picked some clothes out and i got her dressed! today dh got her dressed and she picked them out but she is always beter for him (typical)

OP posts:

Malaleche · 19/04/2007 21:51

maybe someone should invent spray-on clothes

Malaleche · 19/04/2007 21:54

my -DD1 3.5 used to play up a lot especially if DP was dressing her and then suddenly one morning she woke me up saying 'can you zip me up please' -she'd got up early and completely dressed herself and everything on right except her knickers were back to front, bless her...
We always decide what she'll wear next day together and lay it out. It helps if you let them put some things on themselves but I think some kids are just much worse about this than others.

Tatsy · 21/01/2010 13:52

I'm still having this fight with my 6 year old! Does get ready but just takes ages - sometimes in bathroom for 20 mins no good as 3 more of us need to use it too! Have today taken to school with her crying all way as eventually told her no TV tonight as took too long to get ready. Then of course I am upset other daughter gets Mummy in bad mood - help!! Was her birthday yesterday and got a wall clock so think tomorrow will give her 10 minutes on clock to get ready. May also try getting dressed before breakfast!

mistlethrush · 21/01/2010 14:13

We've gone down the 'We're going out, you need to get dressed or we're going out with you as you are'. The issue is mainly shoes - if you start going out with them in their PJs with no coat, and no shoes on, they suddenly decide its not very comfortable

jelliebelly · 21/01/2010 14:19

One strategy that worked when ds went through this phase was to turn it into a game. I would get all his clothes ready and then start putting them on him incorrectly eg put pants on his arm - queue ds saying "pants don't go on like that, they go on like this, silly mummy...." the distraction worked a treat, not every time obviously but enough to make a difference.

Flip