Really starting to lose it!!

[MittensIsReadyForWinter]

I don't know how much more I can take of this. I love my 1 year old DS so very much but he really is starting to make me resent him (I am such a shitty bad mother for even saying that). Tell me I am, I need telling because I hate myself for even THINKING this way! I just want to sit and scream!

Every fucking night this week, and for the past few weeks, he has woken 5-6 times and he won't let me put him down again after cuddling him back to sleep he just whinges so I have to hold him again and I am just sitting there like a zombie trying to stay awake and keep it together.

He comes into bed with me but he HAS to lay in arms so I cannot get comfortable and it starts hurting. When he's had milk and been put down, he settles for about half hour then he wakes up screaming the place down. I leave him for a bit but he is so loud that I have to get him before he wakes the neighbours. Probably neighbours will have heard it so I am not surprised they haven't called the SS on us yet!

In a nutshell, I am really exhausted. I have to go to work, visit my DH in hospital because he is having tests done, I have my dissertation and assignment work to do which I cannot get done at all because he keeps waking up all the time during the night so I always try and get as much sleep as I can! He whinges in public so I cannot get do any shopping even though I drive so I am capable of doing it! I think it is his cold he catches so I give calpol and snufflebabe, does f*ck all! I am happy when he goes to nursery cos then I get some peace and quiet...!!

Why can't he just sleep even for a few hours?! The house is a tip, bottles not even been washed and sterilised and it's 5 in the morning and pointless sleeping because I know any moment now he is going to wake up fucking whinging again and it's not been an hour yet. So fed up of it!! Every single bug under the sun at his nursery I am thinking of just taking him out of there. Why is he ALWAYS catching illnesses?! Sorry this is definitely the "worse mother in the world" post.. I am going to really regret posting this probably but this is just what's on my mind right now

I have nobody to take him either. I don't even have a list of people who I can ask so I cannot even have him out of my hands for the day.

Someone is probably going to rip my head off for saying this, and it could be you, but have you tried letting him cry for a bit? When my kids were little I would let them cry for a bit, go in and soothe them, leave the room and then let them cry just a little bit longer each time. It was only about a week before they were adjusted to sleeping through the night. However, if the child is not feeling well from the illnesses, then they do need to be close to you. They aren't feeling well and they just want mommy.

I have a nearly 2 year old who also keeps getting every single cold/ bug from nursery, she’s only being going for 3 months, but we’ve just had constant streaming nose, temperatures, grizzling, whining, topped off with teething! It’s very hard work, I just spent the last 30 mins rocking her because she’s whined solidly for 2 hours with sore gums. Fingers crossed she’s asleep now. She has to hold my hair to sleep, which is her comfort - not mine! She’s number 4 for me.
If you are sure it’s nothing serious, and trust your instincts- I have been to drs just to check bubbly chests. Then rest assured it is just a stage, probably picking up all the worry you have DH ill, lots to do yourself, on top of feeling poorly himself so just wants reassurance from Mummy.
You can get through this.

I would agree with Rose. There's no harm in him crying for a little bit. Try putting him down and once he's settled holding your hand on his tummy to soothe him to sleep that way you can vacate without as much a shock to him as when you put him down from a cuddle. Perhaps try not lifting him up in to a full cuddle to soothe him because then you only have to put him down again maybe trying lying him down and stroking his timmy or body or face etc, something you can withdraw from. It is worth doing this ten times one night because maybe you'll only have to do it 9 the next. Then 8 . Then before you know it you'll be down to 6. Soon enough 4, 3 2 and one day one. One day he will sleep through it won't be like this for ever. Maybe he's also cutting teeth ? We just don't know what's in their little heads sometimes.
Don't hate yourself for saying what you did- it's true, it can be so bloody hard sometimes. It's the truth and one cannot move forward without it!! Remember every single day is different. Xx