another dummy disaster - this time, daytime use

[rabster]

We gave ds (now 12 weeks) a dummy as he was really sucky. It works really well at soothing him when he is cranky or can't sleep.

The thing is... (this is bad)... we started to give it to him when he was cranky in the daytime - whinging in the car seat, unsettled and holding him etc wouldnt help.

So now, surprise surprise, he is beginning to NEED his dummy in the daytime, not just when he is going to sleep. I want to remove it from his daytime awake times, and just use it for sleeping.

Is 12 weeks too young for this, or should I let him get comfort if he needs it? Do I just do cold turkey in the daytime - will this be undermined if we let him go to sleep using it? Please help, as even when playing happily he is beginning to cry for his dummy...

All my boys had a dummy from a very early age. I dont think that he is too young. If it gives him comfort then what's the harm, however as they get that much older it is very difficult to stop them from wanting it, as we are experiencing with our 2 & a half year old at the moment. We had this with our other 2 boy's but they stopped having their dummy by the time they were 3.

I really don't understand the fuss about dummies. As Julia says if it comforts him then what's the harm?

I know what you mean - why take something hed gets comfort from away?

but the problem is that he now cries FOR it, particularly in the car. If we stopped using it,might he find ways to soothe himself?

My DS is almost a year old and he was like this when he was teeny.
I really thought I would never get it off him but see over the few months as he has got a bit more mobile and babbling more and more he hardly has it in the day.
DD was the same, I never stressed about it and just went with it. Especially in the car I think they can get a bit tired and fed up and the dummy to suck on I think is far better than trying to drive with a crying baby in your ear lol.
If he is happy with it then leave him. One thing I insist on though is when they are walking it is not in their mouth while they are walking about and TBH they don't seem to miss it then either and dd has gradually cut down on hers by herself after I did that.

I've got exactly the same problem rabster!!

My dd, now 12 weeks, is the same, although bizarrely she doesn't have a dummy for bed, just durng the day when she gets cranky. She can't keep it in herself at all but cries for it when it falls out so we have to hold it in her mouth for her which is a royal pain in the arse - we have all sorts of ways of keeping it in - the best things are zip up cardis and tops which come slightly over her chin and hold the bottom of the dummy in her mouth!! This is the reason she doesn't have it for bed - we would be at the bedside constantly holding it in for her!

So anyway I was wondering if I should really be using it during the day when she is cranky but I've resolved to continue - life would be so so so much harder without it - I wouldn't know what to do with her and probably spend all day every day walking round the house jiggling her which is worse isn't it!? And she would scream the shops or other places down if we went out.

Also she doesn't have it when she is playing on her playmat/gym and so I reckon when she is better able to amuse herself and play by herself she won't have it then - I'm going to leave it a few months before working on weaning her off the dummy by introducing other distractions.

how can you possibly know that he is crying for it

he could be bored, hungry, tired, hot, cod, need a nappy change, tummy ache, wind.... the list goes on

and for alot of those things popping it in will sort it for a while but maybe could have been sorted other ways...

hope you get the advice you need

Agree with Trinityrhino to a certain extent - I think it's out of sight, out of mind for a 12 week old baby so he won't be crying FOR the dummy, and you might find other ways to soothe him (though likely to be far more time consuming and tiring for you). If you've gone through the checklist of nappy, hunger, tired etc and he's still cranky then use the dummy I'd say...

Apparently some (or most) babies just need some sucking time to soothe them and calm them down and if he's happy with the dummy and you are getting some peace then why not?

Daisyhun - that is EXACTLY what ds is like, crying for it when it falls out, which is what I mean by crying for it. He just seems to want it when he is tired and can't wind down - it certainly does pacify him. just like yours, never on the playmat (until recently - see op), and rarely at night!

And of course, I do go through the checklist first... I wouldn't just stick his dummy in when he could be hungry or wet etc.. I do think he 'needs' it when bored though, but sometimes you just CAN'T continue to entertain - particularly in the car!

I was wondering though, if we weaned him off, would he still 'need' it at those times?

So, for now, I will lighten up, and not stress about his daytime dummy use ;)

I tend to let DD use me as a dummy which is prob just as bad, know I shouldn't be doing it but sometimes when I know it will comfort her then I think what's the harm?

As Daisyhun said it could just be boredom and as your DS gets older and becomes able to entertain himself and play with toys he might just 'forget' about his dummy.