Toddler so anxious - new baby on the way

[dinny]

I seem to be starting threads so much lately - sorry! So much change at the moment.

Briefly, my dd is 2 years 3 months. I am due with our 2nd baby in September. We have talked to dd1 about the imminent arrival and she understands there is a baby in Mummy's tummy. She keeps having times when she gets so insecure about whether we are her Mummy and Daddy - keeps saying "It's my Mummy" and crying. I just feel SO bad and guilty that am having another baby and coming to terms with it is causing her so much upset. How can I help her - apart from the obvious hugs, kisses, love? I feel AWFUL for her. Feel so disloyal. And worried she will just dissolve when the baby actually arrives.

bumping this.

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Dinny, I know just how you feel. My DD was 2.5 when DS was born 10 weeks ago. We talked about his arrival, hyping bodily functions, burping etc - things she finds funny! We also had the Little Princess book about a new baby which she liked.
When he was born, she became very weepy indeed and, if I had taken him out for a walk, would noticeably burst into tears when we came back - as if she hoped I'd taken him away for good
Looking back, I just think that she was emotionally exhausted with the new arrival and getting her little head around it.
I was also wracked with guilt that I was unable to do all the things with her that we used to do because my time was so divided. However, a friend of mine said something that really helped me. She said that although I wasn't able to carry on doing some things with my DD as readily at the moment - like jigsaws, play doh etc. she would be learning in a different way. She said that DD would instead be using the time to learn how to care for someone else, how to play with and entertain a baby etc. And....10 weeks down the line, I think that she is right! Yes, we are doing less one to one stuff, but she races round turning on mobiles, fetching nappies, laughing at his willy and no longer crying ! I also learnt that I could use my voice whilst feeding the baby to play with DD. So I sit feeding DS and playing "Mummy Says...", ask her to fetch me specific magnetic letters/numbers , or just get her to play with a toy near me and give a running commentary on what she is doing and loads of praise.
I hope that this helps in some small way. I really felt that I had "let down" DD by having a second child but that feeling DOES go away - like everything else it is just a stage.

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My DD was a fair bit older than yours when her brother was born so I don't have any experience of what it's like with a child of your dd's age. Are there any books about having a new brother or sister aimed at her age range ? If you can get one it might help her to understand a little bit more about what a baby in the house will actually be like.

our ds1 was 2 years 4 months when ds2 arrived 14 weeks ago. He was very anxious when I was pregnant - to the extent that he would hit any pictures of babies..! We were very worried, and we've had a few rocky weeks - he mainly gets jealous when I'm breastfeeding ds2 - tries scratching his head sometimes, but things are getting better, and this week he's helped choose ds2's clothes, given him his bottle of water and tried (with our help!!) to carry him around! I think you just have to bear with it but be firm if your dd does anything remotely harmful towards your baby - we've found that 'zero tolerance' (ie sending ds1 to his room when he's tried to hurt ds2) has worked very quickly, and now he's being much nicer to ds2, and I think sneakily likes him..! We also explain all the time how ds1 is special because he's our firstborn, and we're very clear that ds2 can't play with his toys etc.

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Thanks for the hints. Had a terrible evening with dd last night - typical tantrums, I think - is up and down like I don't know what. So emotional - is this the "terrible twos"?

Keep thinking I must be mad to have another baby now - why didn't I leave it till dd older??!

Have already wrapped and stashed pressies from the baby for her in my hospital bag. She is very interested in babies/books about babies. Think the anticipation is worst for her - am hoping when baby is here and she sees we still love her she will not be AS insecure.

Dinny I had a terrible time with my dd (2 11 days after ds was born 12 weeks ago) prior to teh birth - I think a lot of it was her picking up on me being a horrible hormonal mess towards the end of my pregnancy. But once ds arrived she was wonderful - she really enjoys helping to change his nappy (Babin done lots of poo Mummy) and rushes to stroke his back when he cries (Babin cryin again Mummy). Babin btw is her version of his rather long name - which we all seem to have adopted.
We did gets lots of "that's my Mummy/Daddy", which we would reply to by saying "Yes, and I'm Babin's Mummy too, because he is your brother" and we made sure to tell her that she was our special big girl, and emphasise the fun things she can do that he can't because he's only a little baby - so Babin can't eat chocolate, or play with money, or paint.
It won't be as bad as you imagine, honestly.

Congrats, Prufrock

I am SO hormonal and suppose have been pretty anxious lately (just found out have Group B Strep). Maybe dd is picking up on that. She seems torn between wanting to be a big girl and a baby - like, she'll get very agitated that she's about to do a poo but then has a fit if I ask if she wants to sit on the potty. Maybe that's just her age though.

I have to admit, I am not looking forward to picking her up from nursery today and trying to give her tea/bed. Love her so much but it just seems so hard to cope with right now.

I do hope she feels better once the baby is here - she is like a rollercoaster at the moment.