Intervening in sibling fights?

[AllGoodDogs]

My boys will be 5 & 9 in December, and are constantly pushing each other's buttons. I'm growing tired of being referee, and often side with the smallest (I'm the youngest of 2 and remember how very annoying a big brother can be!), which I think is impacting my relationship with the biggest as he feels I am biassed. I do feel as if the 4 y/o needs to stand up for himself a little more rather than coming for me everytime his big brother upsets him. Sometimes I overhear their argument and can't help but get involved though!

How do you decide when to step in and when to just leave them to it? I do often just separate them and send them to their rooms to cool off, but once they're released it doesn't take long to start off again.

Only get involved if there's blood is something I try to stick too. It's me that ends up more worked up than they do and as you say they're either at it again or best friends 5 minutes later

I am a bit stricter than uhoh: I'd say "only intervene if there is behaviour we do not accept in our house". Among which I would count any physical violence, also name-calling, swearing at a person, or constant pestering. But I would not consider it my job to decide the rights and wrongs of any single argument. Just to let them know there are lines you don't cross however annoyed you are.

I have 3 boys 14, 8 and 4 and they are very rough/ annoying to each other. I tend not to intervene unless someone is crying/hurt as I think often they are just playing and having fun.

When I say blood I don't mean that literally but to the point where it could become a blood situation

I think there's a mixture.
I sounds a little as though the situation may be along the lines of 5yo pushing it until 9yo gets frustrated and over reacts. 5yo comes and tells you then you tell the 9yo off and 5yo looks a mixture of smug and virtuous on the side.
I'm a middle one. I remember both sides of this.

Make sure you listen to your 9yo when he responds with "but he did this first". But also if your younger one has come to tell tales then give them exactly the same response. Then you become the enemy and they can join together to decide how terrible you are and create their own bond.

Then you become the enemy and they can join together to decide how terrible you are and create their own bond

Oh, how I dream of this day!! I don't doubt for a minute that the little one doesn't play his part, but I know the big one gets bored easily, and taunting his or brother provides seemingly endless entertainment! I am trying to be fairer, and also less shouty.

The word "mum" is getting to be an instant trigger for me at the moment and as soon as they start to nag I'm turning in to this awful beast of a woman 😔 DH is home for half term so hopefully he can help.