At my wits end - just need some help, advice, reassurance.
As far as I know, it all started about a year ago, with the Match Attacks football cards craze at school. Lots of boys had them, my son wanted them, but I didn't really want him wasting his money on them - he had the odd packet here and there, but not many. Once a week we would go to a particular supermarket, following swimming.
I noticed that he had far more of these cards than he's bought (a couple of hundred cards - they come in packs of 9, we'd probably bought 6 or 7 packs). I asked him about it, he said he'd swapped some 'lower value' ones at school, and his friend E at school had given him lots (his friend is indulged, and does have a lot). However, one day when visiting the supermarket, when I'd asked him to fetch some milk, I noticed something in his pocket, looked, and it was a pack of the cards. I took him to the security guard on the door, explained what had happened. Sadly the security guard was a bit soft, just said 'don't do that again', and that was it. I talked to my son afterwards, asked why, explained the consequences etc - his reasoning being 'everyone else has lots'. Thought it was solved, kept a close eye on him for a while, then a few months later found a stash of the tins of cards under the sofa bed in the spare room. I talked, I shouted, I lost the plot, confiscated the cards etc. This time, I really thought he had understood how angry / upset / ashamed I was, and we went online, looked up children's detention centres etc.
Fast forward 8 months and I find an ipod in his room. He is adamant it belongs to a friend, so I text friend's mother to check - yes, her son has lent it to him. I feel terrible for not believing him. A couple of weeks on I find a 2nd ipod - again he says it's a different friend's, but this time it's the start of the holidays and , but it doesn't really add up. I wear him down with questions, he eventually says he 'found' it in the cloakroom. I talk to him, we discuss the fact that even if he did it belongs to someone, who will be very upset to have lost it, so it's not really any different. I take it away, but with no way of finding out who it belongs to until school is back in, I put it safe. Days later I find he's searched the house=, found it, is using it. Confiscate it again, another long chat. It gets returned to school, but I am wary of involving teachers etc as I don't know how they will deal with it.
So, now to last week - sorry this is so long, appreciate you sticking with me here. He and sister go to a sports club, she has her session after his, so when he finishes he waits around for her. I watch her and he usually plays with some of the other siblings of the bigger children. At the end of the evening one of the girls says her ipod is missing. Warning bells, so I draw him aside, ask him if he knows where it is, he says 'no', I tell him that if he does he needs to put it back straight away, as if it's given in immediately then people are likely to be more understanding, and I will be less annoyed. He swears blind that he doesn't know anything about it, hasn't seen it etc. I check his pockets nothing there, so feel guilty about disbelieving him. Yesterday evening the club secretary comes and asks to have a word. My heart drops, as I realise he's lied to me again. He has been caught on CCTV taking it. Club secretary is also a retired police officer. I chat with him, and he agrees to speak to my son about it. Even when confronted with it, he continues to lie about it - when shown the stills from the cctv he admits it was him in the pictures, but says he put it back. Obviously the man knows this isn't true (he's watched the whole footage) so tells son this. Then he says he gave it to someone else - again, we both know he's lying. then he says he left it in the changing room. Secretary tells him that if he owns up to it there and then they won't press charges, but if he doesn't then it will be a formal police matter - still says it was a game - he doesn't have it.
I take him back to the car, talk to him, he is adamant it's in the changing rooms, I tell him to go and fetch it, he does. He had obviously brought it back, put it in the changing rooms (whether he felt bad, or more likely was scared of getting caught I don't know)but that is a very small consolation. He gave it to the secretary. So, where do I go from here??? He is the most believable liar, and is clearly not concerned about lying to the policeman, (yes, he knew the man's job), even when it was explained what the consequences would be (at 10 he is old enough to be prosecuted and have a criminal record). He doesn't have a lot of expensive gadgets himself, and has limited computer access as he needs supervision to stop him accessing things I don't want him to. HELP!