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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

only happy children can be good

26 replies

agasfocus · 10/04/2007 21:27

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

imaginaryfriend · 10/04/2007 21:28

Umm ... who says?

GooseyLoosey · 10/04/2007 21:34

It depends what is meant by good - if this is intended to equate to "behave", then children can be "good" for many reasons.

Sometimes my dcs will be good because I have bribed or threatened them into compliance - I don't think this means that they are particularly happy (or indeed unhappy) but that they understand the consequences of not keeping to the Rules. Sometimes they do as I ask because they understand how the family dynamic works and enjoy being part of a working family, then we are all happy. Some children behave becuase they are scared not to, they are certainly not happy.

raspberryberet · 10/04/2007 21:37

Don't agree.

I was a very unhappy child for a number of reasons and I was terrified of my mother. And because I was terrified of her, feared her temper and craved her approval, I was always impeccably behaved. I was too frightened not to be.

Original poster

agasfocus · 10/04/2007 22:03

... is it better to say that naughty kids are always unhappy ?!

OP posts:

imaginaryfriend · 10/04/2007 22:05

Some naughty kids are having a blast. It's hard work being 'good'.

Naughty and good on whose terms?

elasticbandstand · 10/04/2007 22:06

i dont think that is true, may be children who are happy and are allowed to be naughty, it is attention seeking,

also think f the unhapy children tryign so hard to be good for approval, as raspeberry just mentioned.

Nightynight · 10/04/2007 22:49

in that case, my children must be manic depressives.

I dont think its true either, as I was depressed from a fairly young age, but I was a very docile child.

DimpledThighs · 10/04/2007 22:53

my son is very happy and very naughty - maybe only naughty children can be happy.

Lazycow · 11/04/2007 10:42

My son is sometimes 'over enthusiastic' because he is so happy and that behaviour could be interpreted as 'naughty' by some people (including me if I'm having a bad day)

Sometimes my son is angry/unhappy/sad/scared and that results in difficult behaviour because he can't process or express the emotions appropriately so he acts them out.

Sometimes my son is calm and relaxed and maleable because he is chilled and happy and is happy to go along with what I want.

Sometimes my son does as I say because I have frightened him and he wants to please me.

Surely one of the jobs of a parent is to tease out these complex tangled, messy relationships between emotions, behaviours and environment. If it were as easy as happy child=good or well-behaved child, or happy child= scared,cowed child etc parenting would be a lot easier than it is.

Marne · 11/04/2007 10:45

Rubish, if this is true my dd1 must be realy unhappy, she seems to love being naughty but she can be lovely too. I think it depends on the child, dd1 has always been hard work (from day 1), dd2 has always been an angel and is never any trouble.

elasticbandstand · 11/04/2007 11:37

dpends what you mean bynaughty, if they bheave badly after school, you know they are unwinding, as they have to be good at schoool... they feel comfortable at home, to be "naughty"

zippitippitoes · 11/04/2007 11:44

some miserable children are "no trouble"

not sure what the premise of this discussion is?

custy · 11/04/2007 11:45

naughy and good are relative terms.

i am sure what i consider to be naughty and good - other mothers would not.

therefore your argument is fucked.

Original poster

agasfocus · 11/04/2007 15:26

... because i think either "naughty" or "good" has nothing to do with a happiness if we are talking about kids

OP posts:

zippitippitoes · 11/04/2007 15:28

I still don't understand what the thread was about

naughty good and happy are all pretty much judgments

they aren't cause and effect????????

lucyellensmum · 11/04/2007 16:14

i think spoilt children always seem unhappy to me, if more limits set and they know not to push then are they not happier. I dont believe a naughty child is humiliating themselves in the supermarket because they are manipulative, its just that they cannot BELIEVE they can't have the evil E number infused drink again. But i know nothing, i was v strict with DD1 when she was little, now shes a very rebellious teen, big problems with her. Now have DD2 and much more patient with her and find most of her "naughty" behaviour endearing. I have a friend whose four boys were typical boys, noisy wild little buggers. I tell you something, her teenagers now are a credit to her, a lovely bunch of boys.

lucyellensmum · 11/04/2007 16:16

custy!!!! how could you berate my "bollocks" exclamation, and then use Fucked as an arguement - rotfl

Greenleeves · 11/04/2007 16:18

I concur. Fucked. And bollocks.

peanutbutterkid · 11/04/2007 18:17

A lot -- maybe all ?- of children in DS class who are persistantly disruptive are unable to learn (I reckon they have unrecognised learning disorders). So kind of agree with the agasfocus (at 22:03 Tuesday) in school context, at least.

hunkermunker · 11/04/2007 18:19

Some happy children are good.

Some good children are happy.

It's a veritable Venn Diagram of judgement.

PeachyChocolateEClair · 11/04/2007 18:23

Yeah thats right. Hmm. You bash them every time thay're naughty (by you I of course mean random person) and they will learn to BE good! If they think raisinga voice gets them a clout they'll be quiet.

Happy kids are moody, good, naughty, churlish, spiteful, angeli, brazen, withdrawn- but always unafraid. Afriad childrena re what their carers tell them to be.

Lovecat · 11/04/2007 21:44

Well, my dd always looks at her most gleefully ecstatic when engaged in belting dh around the chops as he screams 'no! we don't hit!' at her, so that argument falls down right away...

Sakura · 12/04/2007 01:32

Who defines naughty? Adults.
Most of the time its just kids doing stuff that kids are supposed to do- all in the name of learning.
So jumping on the sofa, eating dirt, screeching, asserting their rights etc are only things a curious child can do. If these instincts are oppressed, the child may appear to be "good".

frances5 · 12/04/2007 11:43

Prehaps you could ask "who defines good?"

I agree what children who are regularly badly behaved are usually badly behaved for a reason. Whether it is emotional problems at home or special needs that arent being met.

I don't agree that all children who are "good" are happy. Some children behave themselves inspite of desperately unhappy situations.

It might be more true to say that children who regularly badly behaved (not just mischievous) are unhappy.

MuffinMclay · 12/04/2007 11:54

I disagree. I was a very unhappy child (I'm very happy now though ) because of a very difficult relationship with my mother, but I was never naughty at home (too scared), at school, or anywhere.

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