Waiting on a diagnosis

[Lofari]

Hi there. .
My son is 27 months and doesn't say a word. He has shown a few red flags for autism for a very long time but has also had lots of ear infections (just getting over number 14) so docs have been baffled for awhile.
Anyway we had a hearing test in August which came back fine.
So now we've had the health visitor to see us and she monitored my son for over an hour. She saw him put everything within reach in his mouth and she saw him flap his arms repeatedly and spin wheels on his toy vehicles and told us that she will be speaking to my GP to push for a paediatric appointment as she's fairly sure we'll be facing a diagnosis of autism.
Now I have friends whose children ate autistic so I'm not completely clueless
But here is where I feel bad.....i was stood watching my little boy chew on a baby gate the other day whilst flapping his arms excitedly and I burst into tears. I had a 'is this our life now?' moment and then immediately felt awful for thinking it.....
Please tell me I'm not alone? I just feel so lost at the moment with no definite answer.
I should add he is my 3rd so I am aware of huge differences between him and his siblings
X

I didn't want to leave this unanswered. What you're feeling doesn't make you a bad person or a bad mother, but it's also not forever. Things change, the way you feel about them change, children (even ones with autism) change. I'm sorry - I wish I had wiser things to say. I hope today is better.

Your HV can't diagnose autism, and you can ask your GP for a referral directly, some kids have autism and some kids are delayed - some kids flap their hands and spin wheels and are autistic and some kids do that and aren't - my child is 27 months and under investigation for autism, I've found the special needs board, in particular the info about ABA very helpful.