2 1/2yr old boy + behaviour is driving me nuts....

[hermykne]

ds - there isnt an hour that goes by in the day that i dnt have to ask him or tell him or rerain him from doing something it isnt allowed to do or should stop doing.
he is very annoying at the mo and a challenge to anyones patience.

toys have been taken off him, put in his room for time out , it doesnt work, he screams back and migth then take a swipe - that gets him into his cot for 2/3 mins.
yesterday he was in his cot at least 4 times.

i am trying to praise and tell him hes good when he is but its like he knows he can be a cheeky monkey.

any ideas

its blinkin difficult at first till you getb the hang of it, but you need to try using positive rather than negative instructions:
ie: 'put that down on the table please' rather than 'dont pick that up!'

and head off bored crazy behaviour by knackering him out. get out in the fresh air and make him run 20 laps of the park/garden or something

oh, and much as it seems like it, hes not doing it to piss you off. his personality and behaviour patterns are a blank page right now - up to you to guide him into the habits of behaviour he will form himself out of.
daunting isnt it???
(is easier than it sounds) youll get loads of good advice on here...

At his age, your ds could probably benefit from a proper bed rather than a cot. Children of that age hate being restrained, and it probably isn't helping his mood. My ds is the same age, and I'm having problems myself, but he's too young to understand the things you want him to do, so positive instructions are far more effective than negative ones. Toddlers need to feel part of the group, so saying things like 'We don't slam doors,' is more effective than 'don't slam the door.' I've read somewhere that their brains are simply incapable at this age of understanding that sort of reasoning. Similarly, if you respond to his tantrums with anger, he will respond to you the same way ... simply because you're doing it, and he needs to be part of the group. Children dislike being ignored, so try a different tactic. When he is behaving badly, ignore him. He has not reached the age of reason, but he does understand things at an emotional level, and he will eventually grasp that certain types of behaviour elicit a certain type of response from you.
Sorry about the ramble. I know it's difficult, but I do think he's too young for time-outs, naughty corners, toy deprivation, etc.

dumbymummy do u think that re the toys etc, this guy recites the months of the year and uses the word "actually" correctly. hes got the advantage of his older sister for his language development.

i must say i do use the reverse tactic as you both mentioned - we dont slam doors eg.but god today he didnt stop. and i'm worn out from him.

but yes i take on board your ideas and i will make an effort to be consistent with him and right down your tips to check thru out the day.

any more ideas?? keep them coming

antoher question re the ignoring thing - how long would you hold out on this one- 5mins more? as he'll jsut keep shouting or whining or rolling onthe floor whatever til i do something.

antoher question re the ignoring thing - how long would you hold out on this one- 5mins more? as he'll jsut keep shouting or whining or rolling onthe floor whatever til i do something.

Oh, that's tricky, hermykne. My ds (same age as mentioned) is also very eloquent and puts things into context, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's reached the age of reason. I'm trying to think what's to be done, because I know what you're going through. Let's look at the positive. This is just a phase and it will pass. That said, a lot of hard-wiring goes on between 2 and 3 and it does make you feel a bit pressured to 'get it right.' When I say ignore him, I don't mean it in any kind of aggresive way. It's more to do with shooting a look, expressing a passive disapproval. You're the most important thing in his life, and he wants your attention. So take it away (however difficult). For how long? Don't know ... try to do it until he's calmed down. Could be five minutes, could be more. I'm no expert (no one is), but children get bored easily, even by bad behaviour. When he picks himself up off the floor, give him a huge hug and pretend that it didn't happen. Don't know if I'm getting warm, yet?

thank you thats brill. esp re the pressure to get it right, i certainly feel every day and also that in the presence of my inlaws and family as theres 2 boys one 6mths older and one 6mths youger .

your words are a great reminder/refresher as its so easy to forget all u read and discuss.

thanks again.

You're welcome, hermy.

I'm watching this thread with interest, hermykne, I think we have the same ds!

Your boy ... is he cute? or does he overwhelm you with his behaviour?

Me or hermykne??? For me, both.

What does he do that annoys you? Would it help to see his behaviour as a sign of intelligence - ie he is a small scientist, compelled to do his experiments regardless of the cost. Remember the Catholic Church used to torture and kill people who said the world went round the sun rather than vice versa - but it didn't stop the scientists! What hope do we mothers have, eh?

I have a 2 and a half year old DS as well...Lots of time outdoors and exercise is good, go to the park as much as possible (don't know where you live but check out all your local parks). Also something that seems to work with mine is, if he doesn't obey a simple request and I have to shout, giving him loads of praise when he obeys the shout seems to make him more amenable to obeying next time, etc.

dumbymummy he is cute, too cute! but to answer aloha what he does to annoy me is climbing up on something and then falling or knocking something over, or jumping on dd when shes contently playing, or ignoring me asking him to tidy up with a look in his eye that says "dont have to what shes saying".and yes aloha he is so curious about everything, this morning its about falling in love, i'm watching "easter parade" - judy garland- he picked it while listening to the tv. i think the diff between him and dd is overwhelming not his actual behaviour. she as a 2 1/2 was a little mouse. i'm a family of girls and the boy thing was alien to me til i was about 14!
and i've complimented him this morn, eating his brekkie, and sitting on my knee whilst movie watching and telling him hes a great boy. but already i've had to say to him we dont jump on the cushions pulled off the couch!

madamez we've a good sized garden and plenty for him to do there - yestrerday he a pirate ship in the shed and a plank out the door.

but yes all your ideas are taken on board and will be used.
thanks again

pick your battles.

its annoying as hell when they pull the cushions off the couch and climb all over the pile (i have, count 'em 4 boys around this easter w/end, 3 mine, 1 stepson. mine are 3y and under) but is it really unbearable? if they werent doing that, what would they be doing? perhaps something more permanently messy?

they do have a lot of energy to expel so they have to get it out somehow. the more you try to reign it in, the more they will let it out in ways you dont approve of... so try to guide it instead. send them out in the garden with a bucket of water and a cup each to have a water fight - waters the garden for you at the same time!

Small boys are a bit like puppies. I had two, just two years apart. I used to walk them for MILES. I used to make them do obstacle courses round the garden, anything to wear them out, but interspersed with short periods of quiet time. Two and a half is very young. Neurological development is slower, and completely different in boys than in girls. Don't fall into the trap of expecting the same level of reasoning and cooperation of a girl the same age, or you will just be disappointed.

I agree that excellent speech does not necessarily equal a high level of reasoning or comprehension. That said, your little boy sounds absolutely normal, and he will be lovely when he matures a little bit. It is just a phase, and very hard work!!!

Forgot to say that it is recognised that boys with older sisters can be more prone to challenging behaviour and they do need support and understanding - it is actually quite tough being the younger brother of an older sister!

Would totally agree about choosing your battles. Although I have a dd, she has many male tendencies... dh and I often joke that she should have been a ds! She is very physical with her older dd and does a lot of the things mentioned here... not wanting to sound like we have the answers cos there are days when she drives me totally nuts... however I have learned to fight only the really inportant battles and not to let her see me get wound up... in fact when she is in that sort of mood the thing which calms her or snaps her out of it is me getting calmer not more agitated.
On a positive note, if you can step out of the situation (I know that's hard when you are in the middle of it and having a bad day!)and not take it personally before you react... the hardest part is done.

Meant to say that DD1 never displayed some of the more challenging behaviour demonstrated by dd2, so more of a shock to the system! Agree about the exercise to! and ignore ignore ignore, e.g.use your body to physically turn away if he is being silly at the dinner table and praise your dd for eating nicely or whatever it is he isnt doing... it takes a bit of practise and makes you want to vomit for being so sickly sweet and positive but it will work... eventually!

boysontaost , littlefrogs and mrsspink thanks
i kinda know its normal just not so demanding!,& i just havent had the chance to catch up with some of my firends who have boys too who are older and just share epxeriences but i will do. thanks again.