Nervous child | Mumsnet

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lisalisa · 15/07/2004 12:49

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lisalisa · 15/07/2004 15:49

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Tissy · 15/07/2004 15:53

lisalisa, I'm afraid I can't help, but didn't want to to think that no-one wants to talk to you! I was and am, very shy (will still walk up several flights of stairs rather than get into a lift with strangers!), and I think that dd (2y) has inherited that from me, but I've no direct experience of nervousness.

Hope someone else can help you

Chandra · 15/07/2004 15:59

I used to be like your child in some way, I think you are doing a lot, she is participating in many activities and I don't think you can push it for more.

It may be disturbing for you, but maybe your DD looks anxious but doesn't feel that anxious herself? I'm constantly asked to calm down when I'm relaxed or not even bothered by a situation, for those who ask, I tell them that nervousness is my natural state and it doesn't bothers me. The only difference maybe is that I'm more than willing to take risks even when I'm so shy...

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lisalisa · 15/07/2004 16:09

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strangerthanfiction · 15/07/2004 20:50

lisalisa, my dd is only 21 months so I can't compare on that score. But I can tell you that you are virtually describing me as a child! Except I think I was perhaps worse. I never learnt to swim because I was too afraid and eventually used to get so upset about it that I wouldn't go to school on swimming days. I can't reassure you that I 'grew out of it' but then I didn't start off bubbly like you say your dd did, I was very shy and nervous from the first day at school. I remember going through a phase where I would go red every time I spoke to anyone and got so nervous about that that I stopped speaking at school for fear of it! But at some time in early teens I sort of found my own way which was through the things I was most interested in which in my case were literature and art. And I found a circle of friends who were similar to me and kind of got a strange kudos instead of seeming like a weirdo wimp. As an adult I am still nervous and shy but it doesn't get in the way of anything I do now and I've learnt to deal with it. So even if it does turn out to be a long term character trait of your dd's I wouldn't worry about it. One thing I would say, which you probably know as you sound very caring, is don't push her. Let her come to things in her own way. I found whenever I was pushed I'd feel a total failure and get worse rather than better.

Chandra · 15/07/2004 21:06

Lisalisa and I forgot to say... I'm very sensitive to certain noises (even some acute tones in voices can drive me really mad), can't hear the news in the radio, for some strange reason the sound of them triggers a mood change for the worse. I have always thought I have some kind of hipersensitivity to certain sounds.

prettycandles · 16/07/2004 14:21

I also wondered wether it might be something to do with her hearing, Lisalisa. I have been wondering over the past year or so whether my ds is hypersensitive to sound. I didn't know that such a thing existed until coming across it on Mumsnet, but I knew that there was something not quite right with ds's relationship to sound. At the end of last year he had glue ear for a few months and became somewhat deaf. It took me a while to work out what was going on, but what stands out about that period is that he seemed less upset about certain places and situations which are usually noisy - the vacuum cleaner, walking under a railway bridge and so on. As the hearing came back, he started getting uneasy and distressed again. It wasn't as bad as previously, and I wonder whether a 'holiday' from hearing had given the rest of him a chance to develop and catch up, so that the sounds were no longer so overwhelming.

I know that I have perfectly good hearing, but sometimes have difficulty picking sounds out againt a background - especially voices, so parties and crowds have always been a little uncomfortable for me.

I wonder whether your dd's shyness is anything to do with hearing - too much sound for her to deal with, or too little for her to understand what is going on around her.

Jimjams · 16/07/2004 15:07

Have a read of The out of synch child by Carole stock someone (its paperback). It's about children with hyper and hyposensitivities- you may find it veyr helpful.

Chandra · 16/07/2004 15:52

The book JimJams sugested can be bought from Amazon USA

Though a bit late for me, I will try to get hold of it, just in case...

sis · 16/07/2004 16:02

It is also available from Amazon's UK site here . I ordered it yesterday and they dispatched it today.

Chandra · 16/07/2004 16:14

Funny I didn't find it when I searched it earlier , but yep, is there [smile}

coppertop · 17/07/2004 13:23

My ds1 (4yrs), ds2 (17 months) and dh (won't mention his age!) all have hypersensitive hearing. Sounds that seem perfectly harmless to anyone else have them all putting their hands over their ears. Lots of children screaming at sports days would have sent them all running for cover. Swimming pools tend to be very echoey at the best of times so perhaps it might be a sounds/noises thing there too. Dh tells me that he had always assumed that everyone else could hear the same things he could so it never occurred to him to mention it to anyone.

Chandra · 17/07/2004 14:03

I'm discovering myself in this thread... any remedies for adults? white noise/background noise/white noise any of them and dear.... I have got a problem...

coppertop · 17/07/2004 14:07

Chandra - dh always says that listening to even something like white-noise (via a personal stereo) is preferable to nothing at all. He's not here at the moment but I could ask him later for any other tips. I know that at work he is allowed to listen to a personal stereo with just one earphone plugged in and even that helps him to concentrate more.

Chandra · 17/07/2004 19:27

Coppertop, curiously I can't work with music (can't concentrate) but to make things a bit more strange, I am totally unable to speak in public if I'm not able to walk around while I speak, and have to be moving something all the time if I want to "register" what other person is saying (if I don't draw in a meeting I miss all the conversation). And I'm unable to hear the diference between a B, P or D (only realised when at 19y I had a hearing test and I realised I had been doing lip reading since I don't know when). Now that I write all this I realise I may have a little problem

Chandra · 17/07/2004 19:29

...and that I have also kidnapped this thread... sorry Lisalisa

Chandra · 18/07/2004 15:49

...and I killed it! sorry

beachyhead · 19/07/2004 12:10

lisalisa - back to your thread. I also have a 7.5 girl who is hyper nervous. She likes everything regimented and NEEDS to know what is happening next and even after that. At school the teachers have learnt to tell her - after sitting on the carpet, we are going to do this for a while, then this for a while' so she knows. If she doesn't know or doesn't have a regular schedule, she will become very agitated, looks drawn and tired and generally unrelaxed. Dh and I are both quite confident, non nervous people, so we find it a bit strange and DH can't deal with it at all. When she asks, where are we going? how long are we staying etc, all he will say is stop asking questions, we've already told you' which really doesn't help. He is so desperate for her to be independent, but she really just isn't ready. As for friends, there actually isn't any problem there - she is popular at school and I get glowing reports back from other mums when she has been to tea.

Reaction to this nervousness is tiredness, tendency to over react massively (not to noise at all, so I don't think there is a problem there) and also gets slight incontinence and constantly needs to go to the loo (again a source of contention at school as always seems to pick the wrong moment).

All I am trying to do is find 'her thing' to build her confidence. She is not bright but likes art and some sport and I am longing for her to get really involved in something and good at it to build her confidence. Until, then, we just plug on trying not to get annoyed with all the questions and trying to praise the positive stuff.

She's not happy at the moment as she is doing the stay a week at grannys and stay a week at aunties as our childcare isn't working. I know it stresses her, but sometimes you have no alternative.

Keep doing what you are doing and try to give her a specific interest to get wrapped up in.

Sorry so long.

Rian · 20/07/2004 20:56

I also have a 7.5 yeasr old who is v sensitvie and tends to get very anxious about things. She finds it difficult to cope with change or anything new (Currently very anxious about starting juniors in Sept) can't say I have any wonder cures but find that it helps to keep her to a pretty regular routine, make sure she eats well and doesn't get too tired and if she is tired then I just know not to push her. Otherwise, it seems to help if I encourage her to push her boundaries just a bit and then really praise her when she's done something I know she finds difficult. This seemed to work recwently (fingers croseed)when she sudddenly got very scared about using stairs - slightly inconvenient in modern life! I used to get stressed because she never wants to go to anyone's house for tea after school so I am always refusing invites for her and I worried children would stop wanting to be friends with her. However I now accept that she just needs to come home and unwind so I don't push her to do anything after school...some things just aren't worth it.
I agree with beachyhead that it helps to find something she good at and enjoys & focus on that fo building confidence

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lisalisa · 26/07/2004 16:56

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