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Shy/anxious 3 year old

4 replies

User561738489948 · 15/09/2017 07:24

DD has recently turned 3. She's always been a shy child which is fine - some children are shy etc (I know I was when I was a child)

But I'm starting to get a little concerned. For example, she's been at preschool for over a year and still gets very upset when she realises it's a preschool day and when I drop her off. She just wants to be with me/DH all the time.

We were away a couple of weeks ago, and while other children her age (and younger) were happy to play in the splash pool etc, she wanted us by her side the whole time, was worried about getting her hair/hair clips wet, and wouldn't go down the tiny baby slides. (I know if she went down once she'd love it! She loves a slide/swings/bouncy castle etc)

If another child came near her, even a baby, she'd get anxious. At one point a child was going up the steps of the tiny slide as she was going back down them, and just the fact that another child was there and she had to walk past them resulted in sobbing and struggling to catch her breath.

We went to a soft play birthday party. She loves soft play, but wanted mummy or daddy to go in with her, whereas every other child was happy to run in on their own (there were only 12 children so not overly busy, and they were all her age or younger). If another child went near her at the party (even a baby) she'd look worried and back away.

She rarely talks to an adult when they talk to her. I end up repeating the question and then she'll nod or whatever.

However occasionally she will chat away to other adults and children. So she can do it.

Should I be concerned about her? Or is this just normal "shy child" behaviour?? I'd be really interested to hear from anyone else with a shy child and how best to deal with situations. I feel like I must've gone really wrong somewhere.

She goes to preschool 2 days a week and we do groups on the other 3 days, although at the groups she doesn't really interact with other children and likes me to be next to her all the time.

(I'm sure there's more I've forgotten to add!)

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OhCarrieMathison · 16/09/2017 14:21

Watching what others think with interest as my DD is like this.
At every play date, soft play, birthday party I have to play with DD while all the other parents sit and chat. If I try she moves my head away and tells me not to talk.
At home everything has to be me. I have to play barbies with her, puzzles, babies, colouring in. Nothing can be her dad.
It's so so so exhausting. I literally dread getting home from work and the weekends.
She goes to nursery and gets on great so I'm sure this is just a phase and things will get better soon.
Hope they get better for you soon too.

User561738489948 · 17/09/2017 01:56

Thanks so much for the reply! Our DD's do sound very similar! It must be so hard for you that your DD only wants you and not her daddy. Mine will play with either of us, although more DH really, as if I'm honest I get a bit bored of playing babies all the time Blush DH seems to have so much more patience with playing the same game, with the same rules, over and over.

Does your DD ever talk to strangers if they say hello? Mine doesn't but I'm not sure if that's normal? Problem is she tends to really watch stare at people a lot, so they then start talking to her and it sometimes feels rude when she doesn't reply. I don't want people thinking she's rude, but I also don't want DD to keep hearing me apologising for her and saying "sorry she's just shy" as if she has something to be ashamed of Sad

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OhCarrieMathison · 18/09/2017 13:38

She doesn't like strangers taking to her and in particular strange men !
My neighbour spoke to her in the school playground and she plays with his daughters and has seen him loads of times but burst into tears.
I wish my DD would accept her dad and like yours he is better at playing the games and more patient but she only wants me.
It's relentless. I currently work part-time but I'm starting to look for full-time posts as know she has a nice time away from me and I can't take much more of her to be honest.
I feel so bad as she's just a little girl who wants her mum but I just find the whole day with her so draining.

User561738489948 · 18/09/2017 19:39

Aww Flowers for you

It's so hard isn't it. I feel incredibly guilty like I've done something wrong. I had post natal anxiety for around a year after she was born, and I can't help thinking that has contributed.

It's interesting what you say about your neighbour - that is exactly the sort of thing DD would do. We see our neighbours at least once or twice a week, and she still barely talks to them. She does look happy to see them now, but doesn't answer any questions or anything. I think she can appear quite 'babyish' and I don't know if I should say anything?

Also, the mum of her best friend at nursery recently told me that she's spoken to DD at every pick up (so twice a week for the past year!) and DD has never replied.

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