my 9 yo won't sleep in his own bed.
we never co-slept unless ill but at 7 his dad left and because of emotional distress etc i allowed it. then it became habit and although i was firm about him going back to his own bed he always has an excuse. - him not being able to sleep in his bed as its not as comfortable as mine is the main one.
we live in a run down house and i completely gutted his room - got rid of all the damp, got rid of the old horrible dirty carpets and recarpeted, painted in his choice of colours, got him a new bed (1 excuse was his bed was uncomfortable) his room is tiny so i got him a shorty high sleeper. it cost a lot but i thought it was an investment - would serve the purpose of him sleeping in his own room, me getting some sleep, and him having a wardrobe and desk that wouldn't otherwise fit in his room. while his room was being gutted he carried on sleeping in my room.
almost immediatly he said the mattress was uncomfortable, so i got him a memory foam topper - a really decent thick one. BUT on and off he still sleeps in my room.
more often than not if i do make him sleep in his own bed when he doesn't want to it creates an almighty meltdown - crying shouting thowing things - a terrible tantrum in other words - or a refusal to sleep - he says he won't be able to sleep so just doesn't!
Either way I am finding it easier for his sleep and my sanity to let him stay in my bed. but this is near on 2 years now and i have tried lots of things.
a new bedroom, a new bed and mattress, a new memory foam topper, change of night-time lights and so on.
I thought i'd cracked it as he was away with his dad on holiday and then we were away for a week and when i came back i was strict about him sleeping in his own bed. then it was the start of school and a change of routine for when he goes to his dads - his dad has moved house with his girlfriend so lots of change and he has started wanting to sleep back in my room.
I am desperate to be strict as feel he is playing me with all his excuses but at some level i can't help think he genuinely can't sleep in his bed because sometimes if i say he is not sleeping in my room, as i need to be up early for work or not feeling very well, he asks to sleep on sofa downstairs!
I got a bit cross the other day and said his new bed and the mattress topper cost a lot of money and he said it wasn't just that, it was that his bed is so narrow. he does spread out when in with me (which doens't help me sleep) and the shorty bed is not only shorter but also narrower which i hadn't realised. he is tall for his age so now i think i should try and sell on the high bed while it still has some value and get him a normal size bed (an expense i could really do without!) but the other part of me thinks there might not be anything i can do to actually get him to sleep in his bed other that put my foot down!!
any advice appreciated. his behaviour is normally so good in all else. maybe he just wants his mum and isn't able to express it but i don't think this is it as he would still rather sleep on sofa or floor rather than his bed!