How naughty is this? How to handle?

[Freddiewinifred10]

Our almost seven year old boy has always really pushed boundaries. Recently, some of his behaviour seems so terrible, me and my husband are wondering what to do next. We have another child, who has always responded in the way I'd imagined children do to discipline/boundaries ( he doesn't need special charts/systems as he generally behaves well(though we do everything the same for both). This makes my older son seem more extreme.
Today, we went to the doctors(for him). He runs in and climbs on the examination table, after asking him to get down, I have to count to three(would lose sticker/pocket money). He gets down. He then gets out of chair and is playing with the measuring device. I ask him not to. He repeatedly ignores me, so again I have to stand up and count to three. He stops. Then, when the doctor stands up to get something he dives onto his swivel chair and starts spinning around. Doctor looks aghast. I say get off immediately, and after a last spin he does. Throughout this consultation, my three year old is calmly sitting on his chair. I explain afterwards that due to behaviour at the doctors he won't get to watch his programme at home. He doesn't.
Me and my husband had to go out this evening. He was babysit for two hour, by our lovely babysitter. When I get back. He is in a different bed. She explains that he had gone downstairs and come up with a half empty bottle of diet coke, saying he was thirsty(mine from fridge, which he is never allowed). She tells him he's not allowed it. He starts to drink it anyway, and manages to spill it all over the bed. I tell him off and send him to sleep. I go to the toilet, amd when I return, notice the bottle with the remains of the coke has gone. I go to the spare room, and see him quickly hiding it under the bed having finished it off. I had to just shut the door and walk out as I was so angry he could be so naughty.
How bad do these things sound? We are so kind to him, and give him lots of time(after the doctors we played loads of games until I went out). We also desperately try to consistently set boundaries, but he is still so poor at listening unless under direct threat. Any ideas on how to handle this type of behaviour?

What is he like at school ? What was he like in Yr1, and in Reception, and in Nursery ?
He sounds a total livewire. A lot of dc are. What do you do to accommodate that ?

Thanks for replying livewire. He is an unusual boy, and always has been. He has very certain interests, and is extremely self motivated when it comes to these. He spends hours drawing/making things etc to do with his interests. However, it is almost impossible to transfer this focus to things he needs to do, or to influence what he is doing in any way(he totally rejects any suggestions for anything). He also sets up games with very rigid rules, so my three(almost four) year old has to either join in and comply to the letter, or is not allowed to touch at all. I think this has also caused problems at school, as he has talked of people trying to 'ruin the game' by 'changing the rules', as if it is an abomination.

If you are following his interests, and nearly always when it is one to one with a parent/grandparent he is wonderful company.

He was fine at nursery, but it was very focussed on unstructured play. He was able to choose what he was going to do and they supported him in doing it.
He found the beginning of school extremely difficult. He said there were too many children in the playground and all the spaces were too small. He started to hide under the benches at playtimes.
However, he made some friends and has since been fine. He says he doesn't like school though, but he wouldn't mind going if it wasn't such a 'waste of his time' (at home with his interests). When I have raised concerns with the school, they always say he is extremely well behaved at school, and is a rule enforcer. We have often wondered if he is approaching being diagnosable on the asd spectrum, but the fact he has always had friends(with similar personalities), and school said he was fine, has made us hold back.
I guess we are looking for strategies to try and contain him, as the older he gets, the more innappropriate his behaviour can look e.g. Suddenly jumping on the car bonnet out side of school in the role of a jaguar.

Sorry, livewire should say backforgood!!

I think an appointment with the gp for discussion just the two of you maybe a good start, it sounds like your doing all the right things!! Potentially may need to go down the adhd/autism route but in the mean time until you get a plan together you are right to enforce the rules. School says he has no problem with rules, but at home he answers back and doesnt do as asked - which would suggest maybe you want to go stricter with home rules? Match home/school punishments to show him you expect the same behaviour in both. Hope that maybe helps a little. Good luck!

I would want a referral to a Paediatrician. I would also suggest you start keeping a diary to record his quirks, so you can remember them when talking to Doctors.

Schools often get things wrong - they were "surprised" when my DD started to be assessed, even though I and other professionals (eg. visiting Ed Psychologist) had been skirting around it for a couple of years by then.

Have you come across Social Stories? If your son is ASD or similar he will not pick up social cues like another child would. So you need to get your expectations of his behaviour over to him clearly, Social stories are one way of doing this. So before going to the Doctors you would spend time teaching him about what will happen and what behaviour is expected of him. You can use ready prepared books or come up with your own cartoons.

You also need to realise that "good behaviour" is quite tiring for him, so he may well need to decompress afterwards (run around or spend time alone whatever works for him).

Thanks rm15. I think we will speak to someone, and probably gp. We just need some support to help him.

I agree with the others. That level of rigidity and his response to school in the first place is something I'd want to look at in more detail. It is a really good idea to write notes of how you think he differs from his peers, and take them with you to an appointment. As Bekabeech suggests, start keeping a diary when you notice you are either changing things to accommodate him, or when you notice he is responding differently from his peers or sibling. It is much easier to get your point across at an appt then, rather than comng away thinking 'Oh, I forgot to mention X,y,z'

Thanks for the advise. This morning I wrote down lots of things I can remember right back from when he was a baby. I am going to make an appointment. I think it is just hard to make the decision to expose him to the process of having his behaviour evaluated, and feeling there is something 'wrong'.