So angry at 2 year old DD

[ShiftyLookingBadger]

I want to start by saying my DD is the funniest, cutest little girl and I love her dearly, HOWEVER I am currently on maternity leave with DS of 4 months and really struggling with DD's behaviour.

I just want to add as well that she has always been an incredibly outgoing child well before DS arrived and she adores him (part of the problem is her being determined to cuddle him to death). When the other little girls are sat colouring or playing nicely at playgroups my DD is literally running rings around them and refuses to join in (I have anxiety so this makes me panic somewhat as some of the mums give that disapproving look) anyways...

I am quick to temper, I know this. My maternal streak is limited somewhat but I am aware of this and try to do my best but at the moment I just feel like I spend all day shouting at DD and it's making me feel like a really horrible mother. When she's messing with things/breaking things I'm often trapped under DS breastfeeding and it just makes me want to cry with frustration. I've tried distracting her by asking her to 'make me a cup of tea please' for example which only sometimes works, when it doesn't I end up shouting which is also futile and quite frankly feels toxic.

She's also hitting me and having some epic meltdowns if things don't go her way which I think is normal for her age??

Her little brother is exhausted as he never gets to sleep in the day. She runs over and screams at him to wake up I can spend ages trying to get him to sleep and then she'll do that and I'll just burst into tears. I'm so tired from sleepless nights so that isn't helping.

I'm actually starting to dread when OH goes to work in the mornings and find myself counting down the hours to when he's home. DS is an angel but doesn't like to be put down and left or will scream (don't blame him!). I'm at the end of my tether

Desperate for advice! Thanks.

I've tried to come upstairs to get baby to sleep away from her after she just woke him up again but she's currently at the bottom of the stairs shouting for me

You need major distractions for when you're feeding or settling him, you don't say her exact age but perhaps a new pack of stickers? Or a new puzzle? You can get stuff from the charity shop for a pound. New books etc.

OR cbeebies, I have a 22m old and a 3m old and cbeebies has basically made life a lot easier! That and chocolate buttons .

I'm hoping things will get easier as a routine emerges with the baby but these early months of non stop feeding are hard.
Does your 2 year old still nap?

Cbeebies is usually on anyway! Doh! She watches it for short spells but not for an entire feed. She's 25 months, so just turned 2. She does still have a nap around lunchtime but only if I can get her out in the pushchair, otherwise she doesn't.

I think part of the problem is my lack of preparation. I feel like my brain is mush because of the tiredness so just live minute to minute rather than 'setting up' a new toy for DD. I barely remember to grab a drink and my phone That is my flaw for sure.

My DD is 27 months and DS 7 months - I know how you feel! Had a bad day today as have PMT and been stuck in the house all day, they've been driving me bonkers!

My advice would be to get out of the house as much as possible doing things that will tire out your DD - will she entertain herself if you go to soft play / park etc?

Try to have time just you and her so she still gets some quality time

Probably not good advice but I found it 10x easier when I stopped BF at 3 months. Baby slept better and was quicker to feed and generally less fussy.

Good luck!

This sounds like my day...my older DD is 2.5 and younger DD is 6 months and I'm going through the same...the baby doesn't stop crying- unless she's in my arms- there is nothing wrong with her, other than teething, but I think that she cries because she is sleep deprived- she basically doesn't sleep during the day because she gets to distracted by her older sister, who just wants to play with her all the time....and doesn't get when I say that the baby can't do everything she wants her to do....in addition she stopped napping during the day so I get no break what so ever. I take them to the play groups, but she is very shy when with strangers so literally clinging to my leg all the time. My husband left for a week for a business trip so it's just me day and night. I do realise that I get angry with a 2.5 yo and I should know better, but for the last couple of days I've just been so drained that they drive me to tears....and all I hear is crying - one stops and the other starts- never ending....I can't wait until they go to bed at 7 so I can have few hours of silence....first night when my husband left was a nightmare - the older didn't sleep until 11pm missing daddy, crying and waking up the baby, thankfully it got better, tonight she fell asleep the moment her head touched the pillow....

I'm trying to stay strong and not cry as it upsets my older DD when she sees me crying .... somebody that doesn't have children will never understand how hard work it is to be a mother....

Thanks all. It's reassuring that others are on the same boat and I'm not just an ogre I have big anxieties about leaving the house but will def try harder to get out, for the sake of the kids if anything else.

I have a 2yr age gap, last summer I was you OP. I survived with cbeebies, movies, and getting the 'good' snacks out more often than I should, but mostly by getting out of the house.
Playgroups which cater for 0-4 are great as the older one has plenty to do whilst you feed/cuddle the baby. You can then let the younger sleep in a pushchair in the corner whilst you give DC1 attention. There is always someone willing to hold your baby for you if needed. And best of all it's not your home they're wrecking
Though my favourite thing to do was take the DC's and the double buggy to our nearby zoo (we have membership). DD2 in the carrycot and make DD1 walk around until her legs gave out (I'm mean), then into the buggy with a nice big snack whilst I fed DD2. Quick walk around pushing the buggy and they'd both quickly pass out. Then over to the nearest café on the site where I'd sit smugly with a drink and cake whilst they both napped and I wasn't forced to share my cake with a toddler. It'd take a good few hours walking to get to the cake part, but was totally worth it for the solitude and sugar hit.

piglet That sounds fabulously organised. You're so brave! The thought of taking both of them to a zoo practically gives me palpitations Love the idea of a bit of cake though...

Far less organised than it may seem! I would just make sure I had wipes/nappies/muslin/spare grow for the baby (she was bf, so that was one less thing to worry about) and snack/water bottle/change of clothes for the toddler, then just get them out the door and go leaving the house like the Marie Celeste. Everything else can be bought or bodged together whilst out, or worst case we were a 5min drive from home. The hardest part was getting out the door as it was easy to fall into the trap of it being milk time, then them needing changing, oh now it's nap time, milk again, change bum etc... oh shit it's 4pm, where's the day gone? Once you are out you're sorted.

Ha, yes this is me! "I'll just do a round of nappies before we go, then I'd better feed the baby too as he's due. Oh wait the baby's now asleep and the toddler has done a poo" Have you seen that short cartoon called 'are we ready to go?' on Cbeebies i player? I think it sums up most mums struggles to get out the door