My child is obsessed with another child

[Misty9]

Ds is 6 and in year 1. He has been friends with the other child since they were babies and the mum is my closest friend. But ds is absolutely obsessed with this other child. He says he thinks about him all the time and basically follows him around at school. They were in separate classes last year but the school mix up classes every year and they're in the same one this year.

Ever since ds was at nursery with this other child the feedback to us has been "ds needs to expand his friendships and play with other children". We know!! But he's obsessed!

We had a chat this evening and are going to encourage playdates with other kids in the class but what else can we do? Just let it play out? This other child is much more sophisticated in terms of social skills and awareness than ds and isn't as bothered about the friendship so I worry about him getting hurt. He does get ostracized when there's a gang of them and this child loves to wind ds up...

Oh I know all about this as I have a dd who's 5 and in year 1 who is exactly the same!
They met at nursery and dd is obsessed with her to the point the teachers separated them when they went into reception and kept it that way into year 1.

I'm in two minds to change school over it as although I get on really well with the mum (she's my only friend in the area as we moved here when dd started nursery) I feel it's having a negative effect on her.

Does your ds play with others in the playground? Dd has recently started saying the friend is running off at play time and that she plays with no one

My dd is also quite immature socially. I've just ordered a book on amazon which was recommended.
It's called "The unwritten rules of friendship"

I had to stop dd going ballet with this friend as it was so stressful.

Will look up that book thanks as dh and I were just thinking a book about social skills might be helpful.

I don't know if he plays with anyone else in the playground. I find school have been fairly dismissive of any worries I've had about ds and I've been pegged as an over anxious parent somewhat...

This child is expert at suggesting to other children that they do naughty things, and ds loves to please. You can guess who gets in trouble..

Sorry just realised you mentioned ds gets pushed out of the gang. Is he confident? My dd is quite bossy and stubborn but also seems quite insecure and wonder if this friendship is making it worse.

My mum suggested inviting a class friend over for a play date, I think I will do this, but worry will she transfer her obsession to a new friend!

Sorry to ramble and not offer much help, but I'm in a very similar situation and never heard of anyone else who's had these issues.

Do they get on when you meet outside of school?
Could you ask the school to move them to separate classes?

I must come across over anxious to teachers too, but I can't help feeling the friendship is becoming toxic.
How does your friend view the situation?

I've never directly talked about it with her. We did stop playdates preschool as it became obvious that they were too stressful and contact has been less until now when they're in the same class.

Sorry just saw your other response! Not rambling at all and it's good to share perspectives. No they don't get on at all outside of school as ds gets so wound up (see above!). And ds is not at all confident. But he can be bossy and single minded! He is not socially aware at all and I do worry about him getting hurt I had a terrible time at school and am trying not to project!

Sounds very similar to my dd.
I get on so well with the mum, but we just can't have play dates as it turns into carnage, screaming and far too stressful.

Try the book, I'm hoping it offers some help as I'm so worried about dd, I also had a awful time at school.

Also sign him up for after school activities to encourage friends outside school, any activities that can help promote confidence and team work.

Dd is starting drama next week (not sure how she'll cope as can withdraw socially), but I'm hoping this will help her manage and balance her emotions more!

Good luck

He's just started a club outside of school so hopefully that'll help his confidence.

Anyone else have any experience of this? :)

Need advice. My son is obsessed with a kid and he makes sure that his play dates are with him. I did not know that he’s obsessed in the beginning but I could see it now. He even asked me to join the same summer camp. But then the other kid does not want him as a his friend and makes an effort to avoid my son if possible. I’m at wits end.