3 year old not engaging in conversations

[Bennholly]

Hi,

My daughter is 3 year old. She's very active. She knows letters from a-z as well as numbers from 1-10. She understands and says colours.

She's a big fan of Peppa pig and "Ben and Holly's..." on TV and most likely remembers all their conversations.

But when it comes to talking to us, she does not do that at all or even respond to our questions. She points at things she wants. So, she will point me to the show-rack if she wants to go out and I've not put on my shoes yet; she will point to the kitchen cabinet where she knows the ice-cream cones are. But she does not say, what she wants.

She's 3 already. We are finding it hard to potty train her. She had taken some time to start talking as well. We are really worried that she'll have a difficult time at school next year when she joins reception - if she does not speak/behave like her peers.

Any suggestions on how we could help her or get help from - will be much appreciated.

What is her comprehension like? Does she understand what you are saying to her even if she doesn't respond verbally?

She sounds like she's doing ok with her letters etc. My 3yo (June baby) knows most of her letters (names and sounds), colours (although occasionally mixes up orange/yellow, red/pink etc), can count to 16 (although knows to twenty on a good day, other days we get a few extra elevens and fourteens thrown in ) and will pass you the number of items asked for up to 4 or 5. My 3yo isn't remarkable amongst her friends, but is above the level preschool expect of her.

In terms of ideas:
Does she go to nursery or preschool? I've found preschool to have really pushed my 3yo's language on.
If her comprehension is there, have you tried purposely 'not getting' what she's gesturing at to try and force a need to speak? My DD is pretty good with her speaking can't shut her up, but occasionally will eg just point and say "I want that" in the general direction of something. I will stubbornly play dumb to get the item name or a description if she doesn't know the word.

Have you spoken to a HV or her preschool/nursery/childminder (if she attends one) about it? What have they said about her progress?

Does she point to show things of interest (clouds/trains/dogs/etc...) or just things she wants?

It does sound as though her language is quite echolalia-based and she might benefit from speech therapy - health visitor is probably your first point of call.

Hi,

Thanks for your responses.

1. Yes, she goes to a nursery. Her key person in her current room has requested a meeting with us by end of this week because the nursery is also drawing up a plan on how to get her to the same level as others in her group. The nursery says that my daughter's vocab is good - she has lots of words within her. But obviously, they cannot engage her in a conversation.

1. We have not actually tried "not getting" what she's asked for. But since I posted these questions, I've spoken to a few other people who have similar suggestions - check whether it is an inability or laziness.

1. She does point to things of interest - for example, she'll point at the neighbours cat and say "kitty cat...meow".

She was playing with her toy camera yesterday and coming around and asking me "say cheese" - and when I did - she would press the button and then be overjoyed that she has taken my picture. This was yesterday. Today she started the same game and I was probably looking in another direction. She came and straightened my face and then asked "say cheese". Not sure if this says anything positive.

I'm worried about the meeting on Friday at the end of the week. I do not know how far behind she is - compared to her peers. I'm also looking up for speech and language therapists available locally. Based on how the discussion at the nursery goes or even otherwise, I will make an appointment with the therapist.

Are there any specific indicators that something is seriously wrong with my daughter? Or does it look like she's just being lazy (or even stubborn). I'm really worried especially given the nursery is concerned as well - it's not just me.

Any suggestions / pointers / advises will be much appreciated.

Maybe take a look here? www.southernhealth.nhs.uk/EasysiteWeb/getresource.axd?AssetID=99683&type=Full&servicetype=Attachment

Thanks for this.

I've taken a print out of the ASQ3 form and have run through some of the questions. I still have to do some of the questions where I draw shapes/lines on paper and ask her to do the same.

We have now received a report from the nursery. It says that she does not :

a. Listen to instructions given to her
b. Sit down to listen to a story for more than 10 minutes and then she turns around sings her own song or even speaks to herself
c. Participate in role plays with other children. Prefers to go for specific toys and plays on her own with those toys

The nursery thinks that even when she does stuff , she's doing because others are and may not be able to do those things when taken out of context. [I do differ with the nursery on that - based on what I've observed].

I'm going to take an appointment with my GP tomorrow and see what he has to say. I suppose, any kind of specialist therapy/treatment will have to be referred to by the GP.

It might be worth getting her hearing and vision checked? She sounds a bit like my DS who knew lots of words at that age but wasn't great at answering questions and participating in flowing conversations. Turned out he had very poor vision in one eye plus glue ear with mild hearing loss. It seemed to make him a bit disconnected from the usual back and forth interactions going on around him. As soon as we found out about this he got glasses, everyone made sure to get his attention before talking to him, and we noticed big improvements.

Please don't make any assumptions about her being lazy or stubborn. These are simply not reasons why a three year old's development would not be following the usual pattern.

If your DD is unable to hold a conversation, there is a reason for it and you are doing the right thing by making a GP appointment. The GP can refer her to a paediatrician who can carry out developmental assessments. Recommendations for therapies or interventions would come from those assessments.

hi can you please update on your child regarding her speech and communication skills. please reply thank you

Hi
I know it's an old post, Still I would love to hear from you.
My son is in exactly same situation, I am not sure what to do?
He even doesn't communicate with others if he doesn't want to.

Hi, would love to hear an update my 3 year old son in the same situation, he has lots of words, can count to 20, can read the alphabet, but doesn't engage in conversation. We feel a contributing factor maybe that he has never been in creche or preschool Vans toys first two years of his life was covid lockdown. We have him booked into speech therapy and we're trying very hard to get him talking, progress is slow, but there is progress. I'd love to hear about others who had the same situation. Myself and my wife are very concerned.

Thanks

Hi, I am also desperately hoping for an update as my son is the same. I am worried sick and the support is pretty much non existent. Have expressed my concerns when he was around 1, as had no eye contact and didn’t respond to his name and am still on the waiting list…

@Zillyzinzicker you might want to try an @ to see if the OP will come back and update

@Bennholly hi any updates

@Bennholly can you update us on the progress so far ?
my almost three year old son is doing the same

@Bennholly any updates so far ?my three year old son is doing the same

@Zillyzinzicker how’s your child now?
mine is doing the same as yours and I am waiting for his ears cleaned as the nurse said he has an ear wax build up.sound very strange though

@Ohee2703 hows your son now.
mine is turning three next week and is the same 😭

update please

@Concernmama8 seems like a few people have asked the OP for an update already. It might be better to start your own thread

Hi all,

I can provide an update. My son is now 4 and a half. His talking is limited to asking for stuff, he generally doesn't engage in back and forth conversation. He sometimes will provide single word responses to questions. He has a large vocabulary and will sometimes shock us with what he knows the words too, we had a very funny visit to a fruit market on holiday in Spain where he pointed out names of fruit the names of fruit we didn't even know the name of. We have gotten virtually no help from the HSE (Irish health service), getting help privately is also a challenge there are a lot of bad service providers in the private sector who are only too happy to change you 150 euro per hour for completely ineffective advise. He was formally diagnosed with Autism last week after waiting 1.5 years for the assessment. He has gotten easier to manage, he now listens to some direction, his development is progressing albeit slowly. We're hoping he will start in mainstream school next September.

@Martin1983 thank you very much .Wish you and your family all the best

I've PM'd the OP, haven't heard anything. My child is in an uncannily identical situation, so I'd really like to hear from them since they posted 7 years ago...

I've contacted my pediatrician, we have hearing tests scheduled and are waiting for a psch evaluation to rule in/out autism/adhd/etc. My child is very smart, it's obvious, so I'm hoping to get some answers so we can have a plan as to how to approach things. Not knowing is so hard.

I have posted here before. My son was very similar at age 3. He is now 5. He was diagnosed as Autistic in April. He is in an asd class in a mainstream school. He is doing really well, he is very talkative but he directs the conversation. His answering questions skills have really developed and he is much more aware of himself and others now. He asks questions about where we are going and what we are doing etc. I think reading books and making every activity an opportunity to conversate is really helpful. I always assumed comprehension and told him what was happening even if he didn't respond or seem interested- eg. Hey X, Mammy is going to town now and I will bring you back a lollipop etc. I would say to anyone who is concerned to book an assessment or get on the waiting list early, if you don't need it when the time comes then great but waiting lists can be longer than a year, even privately so its best to be on the list early.

@Martin1983 Hi, some update with your son?