5 year old DD jealous of 5 month old baby sister

[Medic123]

Hi...I wondered if anyone could offer any advice please.
Life feels like it is falling apart! 😢. I have two gorgeous girls. We struggled to conceive DD2 so for long time dd1 had us all to herself. She was very excited when we told her she was going to have a baby sister. She was fine for the first 2-3mths after she was born but for last 2 mths her behaviour has been deteriorating and is reaching an awful point. She doesn't listen to us, tells me she hates me, that she wishes i was dead, that she wants to leave home, hits and kicks me, slaps her sisters head, calls me stupid, tells me to shut up, and at her most angry throws stuff with rage, shouts and screams!

She says we don't play with her anymore and we love sister more than her and spend more time with her. I'm breastfeeding. But we do make evry effort to play with her, have fun and give her time alone with each of us. I do cuddle baby more but only because dd1 doesn't do cuddles anymore. I tell her lots I love her and that I love her the same as dd2.

I feel broken at the moment. I don't know what to do. I feel like the worst mother in the world and I find myself wishing I hadn't had dd2 because of how it's affecting dd1! Heartbreaking when child tells you she wishes you would die!! 😞

Im sorry you're struggling OP, I don't really have much advice but wanted to bump the thread for you.

We have a similar age gap and DD1's behaviour also definitely deteriorated after DD2's arrival, though not as bad as yours. No matter how excited they are at the thought of having a sibling, the reality of having a baby in the house is a big change and they will need time to adjust to not being the centre of attention any more! That said, I wouldn't stand for any kicking or throwing stuff, some behaviour is unacceptable no matter what the reason for it.

If it's any consolation, DD2 is now 21 months and things are back to normal. DD1 still complains about not getting enough attention at times, but that's just normal sibling rivalry as far as I'm concerned. It sounds like you're doing all you can to reassure your DD, and things will get better in time I'm sure.

Really sorry to hear about how difficult things feel at the moment. I wonder whether DD1's initial excitement about having a sibling has worn off and she is now feeling jealousy she wasn't so aware of at the beginning. Maybe she now realises that DD2 is here it to stay.

I work with a lot of families and young children and I hope it helps to know that DD1's behaviour is quite ordinary and normal. She is having to make such a big adjustment to sharing you with DD2. Imagine how you would feel if your DH announced that he would be taking a second wife and that you would just have to learn to share him with her. She will adjust, but it would be helpful if you could let her know that you understand how hard this is for her and that of course she feels angry. It sounds like you are trying hard to give her some one-to-one time. That is helpful. Are there also some risk-free ways in which she can "help" you (eg fetching things while you breastfeed)? Good luck. It will get better and it's probably healthy for her to get her feelings out in the open.

Similar situation here, dd1 whos 5 is still very jealous and insecure over dd2 who is now 2.

I thought 2 years would be long enough for her to accept her sibling but so far it's still work in progress

Dd1 was very angry at first and rather mean, now it's more of an insecurity issue.
Your not alone, I think to some extent its normal, however 5 months is still quite new so hope things settle down for you soon.