At the end of my tether

[calli335]

DD8 speaks dreadfully to me. She answers me back, argues the toss, shouts and screams if she doesn't get her way. She's frequently mean with her older sister (9). She's also the same with DH although not to the same extent as me. It's causing a strain on our marriage. She's been like this since an early age although she can also be a very sweet girl. She's happy at school - has friends etc but is way behind esp with maths. Trying to get her to do some practise at home is a battle and as I'm often tired and exhausted, I usually give up. Any advice would be appreciated. Tia.

Have the school made any suggestions? Is she having extra practice at school or after school? Does she behave like this at school too or just at home?

Thank you for replying. Her behaviour at school is good. She's in a special group for extra maths practise at school but nothing after school. They've given me resources to use at home but getting her motivated to do it is a real challenge. I've thought about a private tutor because she won't do anything with me. Even when I try day to day practise like working out change or telling the time - I get 'told off' as apparently we're 'not doing learning!' Dh says we tread on egg shells around her as she's so volatile.

I think that's your partner's polite way of saying we let her do what she likes. Maybe you need to be a little harder on her so she stops ruling the roost. I found it best to get the homework done as soon as you get through the door from school. Snacks drink and homework. I wouldn't bother with a reward chart as this needs to be the norm not something she does because she's going to get something. Have the school raised concerns about dyslexia? She might be REALLY struggling.

Yes, you're right. I have let her get away with too much. I just don't know how to deal with her at times and feel weary with all the battling. Her report showed that although she's making slow progress, she's finding it difficult. She can read but isn't particularly interested. She wants to do anything except school work!

You have to choose your battles very carefully with children. I would personally not react. It's the reaction she's looking for and the drama and the pouting and the shouting. They do some good books in the works for maths and English. Just get one for both kids. It won't hurt the older one to set example. Say starting today this is our new routine. After school we will be doing xyz until we have done xyz there will be no privileges. Ask the school if they can test her for dyslexia if they are concerned they will or they will put your mind at rest. Some children aren't academics my eldest is capable but lazy. Just make sure you and your hubby are a tag team

Thanks very much for your advice chockwocky. I do try not to react but she'll often scream at me so it's hard not to We had a reasonably calm evening yesterday thankfully.
I'll have a look for some books - I feel she really needs to do something and homework doesn't seem to come home much these days for both girls. They have mentioned dyslexia and dyscalculia but there is also an element of 'don't want to' involved. She's very young for her age (likes playing with young ones plus imaginative play etc) and extremely strong willed. DH finds her hard to handle and tends to just walk away from it.

I can only imagine sometimes I could box my preteen and send him to Timbuktu. I would push the school for the tests and let them know you are struggling with her enthusiasm. Some kids aren't enthusiastic about learning. Mine isn't. At his last parent evening his English teacher openly admitted he makes her want to scream in his face because he is so capable but so bloody lazy she can't stick it. He just sits and pays no attention. I told her to do it! You have GOT to stick together with your hubby. It sounds like you need a bit of a break. Could you ship her off to grand parents for the weekend?

I'm glad his not just me who has those thoughts - I sometimes fantasise about putting her in rocket and shooting her into outer-space!!
I'm going to have a word with her new teacher (who is more nurturing and patient than her previous teacher so I'm hoping this will help).
I've no-one to have her unfort - only DM who is about to have major op. DH and I haven't spoken properly for about a week but we've agreed to try and talk tonight..

No those thoughts are normal. I'm currently sat considering where I can send my toddler I'm thinking Australia or Canada.

Stick together. Sometimes our children are horrible and test us but we do love them.

Ask for all the help you can there is no shame in admitting you are struggling

Thank you so much